var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Sat, 09 Aug 2025 17:40:38 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'My First Post - About me-please reply';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_first_post_about_meplease_reply_c-3_u-81651_b-2133.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_first_post_about_meplease_reply_c-3_u-81651_b-2133.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'operakid';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '2133';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'I&#039;ve recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder(Depressive type) after 3 years of hell.  Its hit me hard as i always thought things would turn out better , if you get me. Ive had bad days alot.  And some good days. Im on medication , abilfy 15mg , fluxotine 30mg  a day and i feel that it just works for a bit then stops.  In the past i had taken seroquel which didnt work at all and risperidone which did work but i had bad side effects and had to change drug.  Its doing my head in.  I just want to get better ! I wish there was a mircle drug or something , something that would take the voices away.  The voices are loud and agressive, they tell me to do things that i shouldnt do.  Things got so bad i was admitted to a mental health unit for 3 months.  I was in a safe place but  i got no help with coping and my medication was removed in the process which added insult to injury.<br /><br />I feel very alone as i have no one to talk to who has the same diagnoses as me, understands me, or understands what i am going through.<br />I would like to be able to use this forum to meet people who are similarly affected and able to understand and offer support as id like to do the same.';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:23:11 -0500';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'do i have a disorder?';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/do_i_have_a_disorder%CA%94_c-3_u-121048_b-3945.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/do_i_have_a_disorder%CA%94_c-3_u-121048_b-3945.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'glouisek';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '3945';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'i am CONSTANTLY picking off scabs and pimples on my face and even more so on my back. it&#039;s so embarrassing because i have tons of scars on my back and luckily on my face it isn&#039;t so  bad. but whenever a new pimple or scab appears i pick it right away. i don&#039;t know why i do it. i don&#039;t even think about it when i am doing it. i don&#039;t have any disorders so i don&#039;t know if this is one and i want to know if i may have something that needs to be checked out.';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Mon, 07 Jan 2013 00:03:42 -0500';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'Cutting away the ugly part of me...';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'cfit60';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '4008';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'Hello, I&#039;m a cutter...<br /><br />Why do I cut?  What turned me into a self hater who scars his body and often wants to die?<br /><br />I&#039;m a 44 year old man who has seen his world fall apart two years ago.  I was seriously injured on the job to the point of full disability.  I can no longer do the job I lived to do, which was Police work.  Add to that the fact that I suffer horrific pain everyday due to my back injury.  I have crushed a total of 9 discs in my upper, middle and lower back and have to use a cane to walk.<br /><br />Not only do I have permanent nerve damage, but as a result I lost function of my bladder and need to urinate with a catheter and a leg bag.  I have had several surgeries to include a two level cervical fusion, an interstim implant for my bladder and a Morphine drug pump implant. Despite these surgeries, the Morphine pump and oral pain meds I am still in a great deal of pain all day and night; awake and sleeping.  I still have a few more surgeries I must endure in the next year. This physical pain alone is one reason why I cut myself. <br /><br />Since I don&#039;t have any control of the constant pain related to my back injury I at least have control over the pain I endure when I cut myself.  I don&#039;t scratch myself...when I cut I cut deep and I have scars over 70% of my body.  I often cut out of anger or frustration, because I lost my passion for life when I lost my career as a Police Officer.  It&#039;s extremely difficult to go from being physically able to chase bad guys, make arrests and help others to someone who can barely walk and is in constant pain.  <br /><br />Over the past two years I have gone from a mentally confident and competent person to a mental basket case.  Now I must say that prior to my career ending injury I suffered from PTSD and bouts of depression related to my Police experiences while employed by NYPD during 9-11 and survivor&#039;s guilt.  Also, growing up I would from time to time cut myself. Oh yeah and when I was 13 years old I slit my wrist and OD on medication in an attempt to end my life.  It was really tough covering up the huge ass scar on my wrist, especially while applying for work as a Police Officer.  I don&#039;t regret the scar, I regret the fact that I lived.  Looking back I guess there have been many times where I was in harms way and could of, should have died, but didn&#039;t.  This happened more often of course during my Ten years of Police work.  Looking back now I can honestly say that I wanted to be a Police Officer so I could die. Had you asked me while I was still working as a Police Officer I would have said it was so I could help people and save lives.<br /><br />Anyways, I now suffer from a whole host of mental disorders, such as Major Depressive Disorder, BiPolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and a couple of other disorders that escape me at this time.  I&#039;m taking a handful of medication daily in the hopes of controlling my mental and physical pain.<br /><br />It&#039;s not working, I can&#039;t sleep and the urges to cut keep getting stronger.  I also envision me cutting my own throat with a knife. I can be sitting on the couch watching a TV show and out of no where I see it...I see the knife in my hand held to my throat.  I wonder, is this how I am supposed to die?  I always hoped it would be via lead poison ( aka a bullet).  No matter, I keep cutting and my wife sees the cuts and scars and naturally freaks out.  I&#039;m putting her through hell and that just adds to my anxiety and frustration that often boils over and results in even more cutting!  I wish I could post pictures so you can see my scars and know that this is for real.  I&#039;m living a nightmare and I&#039;m ashamed of myself for being so weak. Two years ago I was a decent role model for other Officers and the community I lived to protect and serve.  Now...now I am suicidal and spend most of my time at home, in pain and alone.  <br /><br />The urges are becoming too great and I&#039;m fast losing any control. My cuts are becoming deeper and deeper.  How can I cut out the ugly side of me when...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:33:57 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'My screwed mind - GID and DID';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_screwed_mind_gid_and_did_c-3_u-237822_b-5401.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_screwed_mind_gid_and_did_c-3_u-237822_b-5401.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'omeganashik';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '5401';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'At the age of eleven, five years ago, I recall calling a voice in my head the narrator, because he would refer to my life in third person, always negatively, constantly talking, and arguing with me, To this day. As far back as I can remember I have had a want to become female, purely for physical reasons, however, this need was intermittent, usually I had the standardly accepted gender identity, I even imagine being a father- not a parent or mother, a father- and now at sixteen my gender identity feels as if it has split into two, transgendered and &#039;normal,&#039; while I am now &#039;turned on&#039; by material of transgendered nature at times, but usually am not. The narrator has also evolved, triggering bouts of sudden uncharacteristic anger, while I am usually calm and cheerful. I sometimes find that my face is curling into a look of anger or contempt, or that I have sudden images of badly hurting people who do something I dislike, that may have been an acceptable thing to do, but for whatever reason I just feel foreign satisfaction in imagining pain.<br /><br />I began looking through myself, basically just trying to figure out what the hell is wrong, and the following are the results:<br /><br />At the age of six I had a crush on a girl in my primary school class, she left that year, for other reasons. This is the most definite starting point I can place for my tgism. then, at eleven, I had my second crush, on another classmate, and she walked up to me and told me to stay away from her shortly after the two friends I told this secret to went and told everyone. My theory is that my subconscious took these rejections, and the stereotypical views on geeks and indians, and sculpted from them the idea that I was so repulsive that the only way I could ever have a girl in my life was to be a girl, and so that shard of my gender identity broke away, and from this information I called that shard Lust. Lust doesn&#039;t seem to be as conscious as the narrator (who is now named Anger), though she has on two occasions exclaimed on how &#039;hot&#039; a guy was, though this may be because of nightly masturbation to the idea of being a girl, leading to lust already being expressed. Anger, however, is kept under lock and key, and so usually has a voice. There are other signs as well. I used to use electronic devices excessively, even when supposed to be sleeping, but I voluntarily stopped, and recently I&#039;ve started feeling tired after 11am, as if I hadn&#039;t gotten the sleep that I obviously did. Occasionally, when writing, my hand forms a squiggle instead of a letter, and my handwriting has deteriorated, and today when trying to write while holding the pen loosely, I could only make squiggles.<br /><br />There may be other voices, occasionally when playing a sport I become giddy, speaking without thinking, and really jumpy, and sometimes I hear a crowd, but that may be Anger messing with me.<br />There&#039;s a chance I am only imagining all of this, but I don&#039;t want to take that risk.<br />Help me please.';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Thu, 19 Sep 2013 17:25:27 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Depersonalization/derealization/borderline personality';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/depersonalizationderealizationborderline_personality_c-3_u-298637_b-8867.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/depersonalizationderealizationborderline_personality_c-3_u-298637_b-8867.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'Meeyowzah';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '8867';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'Ive been struggling with depersonalization for a few months now. It began after  a year long 24/7 battle with extreme social anxiety and fear. My brain has shut down and i dont feel fear anymore or nervousness. Not even when talking to people. I feel very dettached and unhuman.  I dont feel real. I cant even recall the last moment of happiness i found. I feeel relaxed and peaceful but unable to relate to anyone and have a very profound lack of interest in socializiong.  Although i dont really feel emotion i can tell i am experiencing symptoms closer related to panic disorder - like  difficulty breathing , tightened blurry vision, tensed jaw, etc. the most disturbing apsect of this to me is that i sincierely believe i have no personality, quirks,  opinions, interests, or dislikes. Nothing moves me and i can not seem to make my mind up about anything simple or large because i really feel internally that i just dont have a preference for anythinng at all. I have no sense of self  to be honest. I often feel transparent and  itd hard to feel like you have a relationship with anyone when you cant process that they truly want to talk to you, or that they are actually addressing you . This is hard to explain but if anyone feels the same way it would be very helpful to hear.';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Sun, 30 Aug 2015 04:13:19 -0400';