document.write('<div style="border: 1px solid #C5D7EF;"><h2 style="margin: 0px; padding: 2px; color: #3366CC; font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 1.1em; font-weight: normal; background-color: #E5ECF9; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html">Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed</a></h2>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_12140\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_12140\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_12140\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_feel_terrible_c-3_u-445270_b-12140.html">i feel terrible</a></div><div id="b_12140" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">so, i was about 12 when all of this had happened. it started with a prank where my friend dared me to pretend to be this girls boyfriend online (i am a female). i wanted to stop the prank but my friend forced me to keep going and get nudes from the girl we pranked. the girl ended up sending them andy i ended the prank kinda rudely. i said “there’s a hot girl at school bye.” the girl we pranked ended up not going to school the next day and i thought nothing of it. a while later and i was with the friend i pranked. that friend and i were playing truth or dare. she had dared me to do things like twerk in my underwear, take my shirt off and show my boobs. then, i dared her to lick my vagina. she ended up doing just that. she was trying to get me to lick her but i said no. her mom ended up somehow finding out and guys at school were saying that i made that girl lick me. instinctively i knew she told people even though she swore she didn’t. my mom was told everything by her mom and we had a meeting with the four of us. i apologized and th girl apologized. we hung out and played air hockey after. then i was at school and a police officer handcuffed me and said that that girls mom called him and told him everything. (keep in mind this is after the four of us met and talked and me and that friend actually hung out a few times.). so this police officer had told me that i committed crimes like: child pornography, cyber bullying, and sexual harassment. i was crying and he said i was fake crying. he also told me i could go to juvenile hall. apparently the friends mom didn’t want to file charges or go to court so i don’t get the point of telling a police officer. i am just very worried that this will prevent me from getting a job and going to college. the police officer said that my friend AND her mom talked before calling the police. i talked to my friend and she claims she never heard a word about it. she was actually at a foster home at the time because her mom got really mad at her. so technically the mother could get in trouble. i have been scared of police ever since this. i just need help and comfort. i was only 12 and i was exploring. and i’m still scared today.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_5767\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_don%CA%B9t_know_what_to_do_anymore._c-3_u-248158_b-5767.html">I don't know what to do anymore.</a></div><div id="b_5767" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">So for my first post, Im just going to do this as a journal I guess. I don&#039;t know.<br /><br />So basically, Im a teen. Please don&#039;t even ATTEMPT to judge me because I&#039;ve been through so much already and I am going to lose it.<br /><br />I feel so sad, hopeless, and SO angry all the time and I don&#039;t get why certain things happen to me. I mean, I was never a bad person. I don&#039;t know why I deserve all this at such a young age and I&#039;m so depressed and It&#039;s so UNFAIR.<br /><br />I hate me, I hate everyone, I hate the world. I hate everything. I never wanted to feel this way. I never EVER did. And now I do, and everything freaking sucks.<br /><br />My family thinks I&#039;m emo and my friends think I&#039;m outgoing and happy and I&#039;m going to lose it. I can&#039;t be who I really am because I&#039;m so afraid of being judged and I hate it so much.<br /><br />I spend most of the time in the bathroom breaking down to the point where I have to cover my mouth to make myself quiet. <br /><br />I&#039;m a TEEN.<br /><br />I never wanted to be like this AT ALL. I wanted to worry about my looks, my studies, and pop stars such as One Direction or Justin Bieber or something but NO. Life will not permit it and IT&#039;S UNFAIR.<br /><br />I want to be normal and so many bad experiences happened to me at such a young age and I&#039;m trying my best to BE happy but I can&#039;t and I don&#039;t know why.<br /><br />Instead of being HAPPY I&#039;m depressed, hopeless, angry and I HATE IT SO MUCH.<br /><br />I don&#039;t know what to do. I don&#039;t see any future of mine. I want to die but I don&#039;t and I really don&#039;t know what to do anymore and I&#039;m sick of it!<br /><br />I want to have dreams and I want to have crushes but I don&#039;t and as I said so many times,<br /><br />IT&#039;S SO FREAKING UNFAIR.<br /><br />I&#039;m too young and all these experiences and troubles in family, friends, school, and life is just piling and piling. <br /><br />I thought that maybe, this was a phase or something but I&#039;ve always been this way ever since I was young and I&#039;ve only realized it this year.<br /><br />I&#039;ve always been quiet and emo. Even in school, but I changed myself because there were people who teased me so, in a snap, after one summer, wow, I was happy on the outside. People used to say that I was really quiet and I always looked like I was mad and I just realized that I was just really sad. And now that developed into depression. I know you think I&#039;m lying since I&#039;m too young but we&#039;re all different here and we go through different things and I just had to go through many things at a young age.<br /><br />I&#039;m really tired. I really am. I tried everything. I even self harm. I have scars from razors and my parents think it&#039;s something I got from my dad called Keloid wherein you just get tiny scratches and they turn to look like scars and I agreed so they won&#039;t be suspicious. But after awhile, they did of course, so I started to cut elsewhere other than my wrist. <br /><br />Anyways, other than that rather disturbing paragraph, I just want help.<br /><br />I don&#039;t want to be some depressed teenager with anxiety. I hate always being jumpy, nervous and I want to be NORMAL.<br /><br />So. If anyone reads this. Please help me before this gets worse. I&#039;m really tired of feeling this way and I don&#039;t think I can hold my sadness and anger in any longer. I just want to scream at the world that I&#039;m upset and lost and to help me but I can&#039;t. I have no one to talk to. No one I trust.<br /><br />But I know there are people out there who will understand and that&#039;s why I am here now. I don&#039;t like thinking of suicide or anything. I really don&#039;t. And I want it to stop. So if anyone can PLEASE help me, just... HELP ME. <br /><br />Please, I&#039;m begging you. I&#039;m so desperate and I just really need someone to be there for me right now.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_3275\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_3275\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_3275\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_can_haz_a_blog%CA%94_c-3_u-94420_b-3275.html">I can haz a blog?</a></div><div id="b_3275" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">I am notoriously self absorbed, so the idea that others will be able to read what I right tickles me.  It more than tickles me, it gratifies me.  Right now I am struggling unsuccessfully with a gambling addiction.  It goes against the public persona that I have created for me to struggle this way, so I was actually thinking of setting up an alter account for my alter ego on a main blog site.  This will work just dandy.  Now I get to be my own dirty doppelganger and still be on the downlow with what a #######5 person I am.</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_12056\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_12056\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_12056\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/please_help_me_figure_out_what%CA%B9s_wrong_with_me_c-3_u-444138_b-12056.html">Please Help me figure out what's wrong with me</a></div><div id="b_12056" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em; border-bottom: 1px dotted #DDDDDD;">First of all I would like to apologize because this is going to be really long so I would like to say I really appreciate you reading this till the end and trying to help. <br /><br />Since november I have been having flashbacks and thoughts of everything I have done wrong in my life, and now that I think about it those things are absolutely horrible. <br /><br />To start with typical things normal people would have heard of before, I&#039;ve done things like cheating on boyfriends, lying to parents, sneaking out etc... I lost my virginity at 15 years old with a 21 year old guy and also had sex with a 28 year old who lied to me about his age, which disgusts me when I thought about it.<br /><br />Now more weird things, as a kid, I would always lie. I would like about everything. I would lie about having cancer, about having relationships with celebrities ( I would even make fake accounts and catfish people) , about being anorexic, i even catfished a real person in real life to show people and pretend he was flirting with me. I lied about having a brother that died, about people I knew, places I went to etc... I don&#039;t know why, can anyone help me figure out why I would like so much?<br /><br />Now the darkest part is sexual. As a child I remember making my dog eat me out.  Of course at that time I didn&#039;t really know what i was doing but now i see it&#039;s bestiality and I can&#039;t get over what I did. Likewise, I&#039;ve been recalling sexual games I would play as a kid which really mess with my mind. I remember licking my cousins&#039; vagina because she said she wanted me to. I also remenber pretending to be asleep while my cousins and sisters licked my breasts because I liked the feeling of it. Is this sexual abuse? Also, I remember once i asked my sister to touch me down there and my dad walked in the room before she did and stopped us. I don&#039;t know what to do about this because everytime I see my sister all i think about is if i sexually abused her and why I would do something like that with her. <br /><br />So when recalling all those wrong things I have been really bad anxiety since and I&#039;m not too sure what&#039;s happening. Along with his comes thoughts I don&#039;t want to have that I just can&#039;t stop. I keep on thinking in my head that I have been raped and my body feels so unsafe even though I know it isnt true, the feeling is still there. I get thoughts about harming people and myself all of the time, I get thoughts about violence and sexual stuff, and i don&#039;t know why. I have read online that this might be OCD which could make sense as I recall having weird &#039;if i don&#039;t do this then this will happen&quot; things as a child. For example:<br /><br />&quot; If i don&#039;t run down the corridor in less than 10 seconds then my mum will die in the future&quot; <br /><br />a lot of games like that  in my head that I see now might have been the start of this. <br /><br />I just do not understand at all what is going on in my head right now and why these thoughts don&#039;t stop. I can&#039;t figure out if i have been raped or if it&#039;s my imagination playing with me because i have no memory and i have been to the extent of asking family members who said no and gave me support. I can&#039;t figure out why i started thinking about all my mistakes all of a sudden. Please help me figure out whats happening?</div>');
		
		document.write('<div style="font-size: 1.1em; margin-bottom: 5px;"><a href="javascript:void(0)" onclick="if(document.getElementById(\'b_2104\').style.display == \'none\'){document.getElementById(\'b_2104\').style.display=\'block\';}else{document.getElementById(\'b_2104\').style.display=\'none\';}if(this.style.background.search(\'https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif\') != -1){this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}else{this.style.background = \'url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/min_dark_blue.gif)\'; this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';}" onmouseover="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 12px\';" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundPosition = \'0px 0px\';" style="margin: 5px 3px 0 3px; float: left; background-image: url(https://www.psychforums.com/styles/prosilver/theme/images/blog/max_dark_blue.gif); background-position: 0px, 0px; width: 12px; height: 12px;" /><a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_don%CA%B9t_know_c-3_u-81324_b-2104.html">I don't know</a></div><div id="b_2104" style="display: none; padding: 5px 5px 2px 15px; font-size: 0.9em;">I just don&#039;t understand my &quot;family&quot;. I leave my purse and wallet out on the table and they come and go through it. They just pick my wallet up and flip through my check book. And when I said something my grandmother got mad. She just got mad and smarted me off, then walked away. It&#039;s like this all the time, it&#039;s like I&#039;m supposed to let them run over me and do or say whatever they want about me or my stuff, and if I say anything I&#039;m a bitch or I don&#039;t know what I&#039;m talking about. Honestly it makes me sick just to be here. Sometimes I just feel like I can&#039;t take it anymore, like my time is over and I should just commit suicide.</div>');
		
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