var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Mon, 04 Aug 2025 21:32:34 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'Do I have some serious disorder or something?';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/do_i_have_some_serious_disorder_or_something%CA%94_c-3_u-195253_b-4712.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/do_i_have_some_serious_disorder_or_something%CA%94_c-3_u-195253_b-4712.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'summerbummer';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '4712';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'I&#039;m 19 years old and for my entire life I&#039;ve been having troubles feeling anything at all. I always thought there was some logical and simple explanation to why I wasn&#039;t like everyone else, and I assumed it would heal with time, but it didn&#039;t. It just keeps getting worse. First let me begin with that I&#039;m completely unable to open up to other people. I have never opened up. To anyone. If I&#039;m even close to doing it I feel disgusted by myself, I get nausea and an urge to flee. I&#039;ve also never cared like others. I can&#039;t really feel empathy. Or I mean, I can, for like animals and my family, but no one else. I&#039;m literally serious when I say my best friend could die tomorrow and I wouldn&#039;t be able to feel a thing. Obviously I&#039;d think it&#039;s sad, but it wouldn&#039;t effect me on an emotional level. <br /><br />I hide this part of me, and I certainly don&#039;t talk about it with anyone. I want to be normal but I just can&#039;t. I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn&#039;t work. Something in me is broken or missing. I love my immediate family, but that&#039;s about it. I can lie without feeling any kind of remorse, I manipulate people very easily, and when someone really gets on my bad side, I just attack their weaknesses and break them down with words. It&#039;s terrible, I know, but I can&#039;t stop. Even as I write it, I know I say it&#039;s terrible, but I don&#039;t feel terrible. I just know that it&#039;s not how a person should act. I could never physically hurt another person, but not because it would make me feel bad but more because I know it&#039;s wrong. <br /><br />My condition is just getting worse, I&#039;ve started to distance myself from everybody because I feel so tired of wearing a mask and constantly faking to like what they like or play their stupid games. I don&#039;t love others. I&#039;m incapable of feeling on a deeper level, there are no strong emotions in me. I feel narcisstic but at the same time I hate myself. I can get furious very easily but it goes away as quickly as it comes. I haven&#039;t had such a bad childhood but I mean my mother was going through her hardest part of life when I was a kid, and she took it out on me a lot. Sometimes physically but mostly mentally, such as I constantly heard that I was a bad kid, and bad news, and she blamed me for a lot of stuff that wasn&#039;t really my fault. She changed and got so much better when I was like 13 or something and now she&#039;s the best mom ever and apologized 200 times but I can&#039;t seem to let go. It&#039;s stuck with me.. I&#039;m seriously worried that my condition will become worse and something bad will happen... What&#039;s wrong with me?';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 29 May 2013 13:16:46 -0400';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'HOCD is ruining my life';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/hocd_is_ruining_my_life_c-3_u-118937_b-3921.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/hocd_is_ruining_my_life_c-3_u-118937_b-3921.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'mastercross1';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '3921';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'OK. so first of all my name is Phil and i am 17 years old and a few months ago i have had the fear of becoming gay. I am a very anxious person and have always worried about things ever since i was about 5. for example, i would worry that i would go deaf, blind, have a heart condition etc. Every time i get over a fear and stop worrying a new worry comes to my mind maybe a few weeks later. my longest fear was that i had a retinal detachment because i saw floaters in my vision which were completely normal. i went to the doctors 3 times in 2 years. they scanned my eyes and did the best eye exam i ever experienced but afterwards i would always convince myself that there was still something wrong. i would always check and squint to see these things floating in my vision to the point i would feel sick and have panic attacks. when i was 11, i also felt a pain in my eye 24/7 and it got me really worried. but 1 month later when i went to the doctors and they said everything was OK, i never felt it again. it is clear to me that this was pain that i was causing by thinking!<br />now to the HOCD. A few months ago, i had this dream that i was watching 2 men kissing eachother. i felt no pleasure in the dream whatsoever. i then woke up sweating and panicking, disgusted by this dream. this was always in the back of my mind for 1 month until i really started to think about it. i was forcing these gay thoughts on myself to see if i would get aroused. it didnt at first but i was thinking about not getting an erection so bad that it increased in size a tiny bit and i had a panic attack. it didnt feel like an erection i would get though that i would get when i think of something nice like girls. Before all this, i had never had a gay thought and i actually used to think about gay stuff to make my erection go down when i had an unwanted one when i was in school last year:) I have always loved girls ever since i can remember and and i know deep down that I am not gay and this is just a worry like my other OCD problems in the past. I always look for attention from girls when i am shopping for example. i am apparently a cute/attractive guy and i love it when i know girls are checking me out. today i saw this girl and i would walk around her on purpose so she would see me because i knew she was checking me out and i just love that tingly feeling. But then i thought &quot;what if i am just imagining this attraction&quot; and gay images came into my head and i started to worry again. I have never checked out guys in my life until this HOCD kicked in. As soon as i see a good looking man, i just look and fear that i am attracted to him which i know im not but i just wait for ages for some feeling to make myslef worry even more. I cant control it.<br />However, when i am totally relaxed and haven&#039;t thought about gay things all day and then think about it, it doesnt do anything to me. i dont worry and i dont feel disgusted. but the more i think and think i find it hard to breathe and get this weird feeling. yesterday when i was really relaxed, i had an erection and went on gay porn to check if this is just my mind and my erection went down so fast. <br />This HOCD was much worse than it is now but it keeps coming and going and i want it to stop because it is really ridiculous but i cant control it whatsoever and it is ruining my life. it is as if i am like possessed and there is another person inside me making me worry. <br />please help me. i dont know how to stop it. i have had so many OCD problems in the past but this is really the worst one.<br />thanks for reading!';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 04 Jan 2013 13:15:28 -0500';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'boy alter who is also a little alter';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/boy_alter_who_is_also_a_little_alter_c-3_u-322301_b-9465.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/boy_alter_who_is_also_a_little_alter_c-3_u-322301_b-9465.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'dissociatingdarling';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '9465';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'so i have d.i.d. (dissociative identity disorder) and one of my alters is named benji. benji is an 8 year old boy in the body of a 18 year old biologically female. i have no issues regarding my gender or sex and feel i was born in the right body. benji has such bad dysphoria that he hates coming out, refuses to look at himself in the mirror, refuses to take pictures, and everyone can feel how much sad it makes him. last night was the final straw though when my mom wanted to take pictures and he was co-fronting with me he started to cry because he asked her why she needed to take them. my mom dismissed his feelings and i just want to help him. anyone have something similar to this or have any ideas on how to help? i am so lost right now...';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Thu, 21 Jan 2016 16:18:35 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'I feel like its my fault because im not good enough';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_feel_like_its_my_fault_because_im_not_good_enough_c-3_u-269792_b-7698.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_feel_like_its_my_fault_because_im_not_good_enough_c-3_u-269792_b-7698.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'rhianne-reneau';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '7698';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'Okay so I caught my fiance using my email to find girls on Craigslist o guess to have sex with. I was just going through my email and happen to see it i know it wasnt me because that was the night he was using my phone while i stayed at my mom&#039;s house amd some of the things he was messaging to these girls was really upsetting I confronted him about it at first he insisted he didnt remember ever doing it Then he said he might have had a moment of weakness. Then he kept insisting on how We changed in a good way because while he did that he said he realized he loves me amd I&#039;m the only girl in his life and that he only wants me. And. What really bother me is that this happened not even a week after he proposed and altogether We been together almost three years and We have a baby on the way in less than two months. Before all this I would find porn on his phone Where he would watch it or download videos or pictures and it really makes me feel like crap. I mean I know I&#039;m nothing really to look at I put on thirty pounds while being pregnant and sometimes it&#039;s like he don&#039;t want to touch me like he is completely discusted by me and it&#039;s always like he wants some super skinny girl that he can wrap his arMs around and have sex with all night I mean We don&#039;t even have sex like We used to it seems like he is watching the TVs more than he is even looking at me I can&#039;t really lose weight right now being pregnant and all. I don&#039;t have the pretty face or the perky boobs that he wants I just wish I could magically change how I look completely. I Love him so much I would spend all the money in the world to be the completely sexy girl he wants. D&#039;:';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Mon, 24 Nov 2014 23:58:15 -0500';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Running Out of Options, Time to Try Catharsis';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/running_out_of_options_time_to_try_catharsis_c-3_u-248903_b-5872.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/running_out_of_options_time_to_try_catharsis_c-3_u-248903_b-5872.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'ThanatosRising';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '5872';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'I was diagnosed with PTSD after a car accident in 2010 (age 25), and was shocked when repressed memories from the past started surfacing without warning. Along with the scenes from the car accident replaying without end, images of an abusive relationship I had been in for three years started playing, a sexual assault by a boyfriend at 19 that I blocked out, a rape I had experienced at age 18 that I COMPLETELY blocked out, emotional and mental abuse from age 11 at the hand of a boyfriend of my mother&#039;s, and various bullying events I had sustained from around age 8 through 14. It was entirely overwhelming; for about two months after the accident I spent most of every day in bed, having nightmares when sleeping, waking up screaming thinking whatever I was dreaming about was happening, then having no perception of time when I was awake, being continually trapped in recurring flashbacks that seemed to last for hours when they were really just 10-15 minutes. I sustained serious lumbar spine and nerve injuries that required heavy medication (50mcg fentanyl patches every 3 days, 200mg neurontin daily for nerve pain, 10mg klonopin for panic attacks, 30-50mg oxycodone daily for breakthrough pain, 100-200 mg orphenadrine daily for muscle spasm and opiate potentiation). I could barely muster the energy to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and shower because of the pain, so I stopped eating, lost nearly 25 pounds within a few weeks (I am a 5&#039;5&quot; female and was an active and relatively muscle-toned 130 lbs., so I became underweight and lost a majority of my muscle tone), so coworkers I ran into once when I had to go to my office to sign some insurance paperwork started rumors I was abusing drugs due to my frail and noticeably gaunt appearance. I withdrew almost entirely from my social circle with the exception of a few friends who were so worried abouy my sudden changes they forced me to keep in contact with them. After nearly two full years of weekly psychotherapy, many hurdles, setbacks,  tears, angry and violent outbursts, losing my job, and weaning off all the pain medication, I finally got my PTSD symptoms under control in 2012. During this time I was also pursuing my undergraduate degree in psychology, which obviously delayed my studies as I dealt with my illness and injuries. Since then, I have had a very exaggerated startle response that never went away (loud noises or someone approaching me from behind seriously frightens me, causing an immediate panic response). I&#039;ve had difficulty with controlling or moderating anger, and sometimes respond angrily way out of proportion to the irritant or situation. Social anxiety that I always had got somewhat worse, and depression has been a nearly constant battle also. However, I was able to find a new, better job, and maintain my GPA at 3.85.<br /><br />Things were going relatively smoothly until this October, where I suddenly experienced a PTSD retriggering event. I did not consciously recognize or want to acknowledge it at first, instead convincing myself that the eerily familiar feelings were just imaginations and nothing serious, until it suddenly dawned on me one day what was happening, about three weeks after the initial retrigger. I began addressing it with my psychologist and the psychiatrist I started seeing right before the retrigger for my depression that was getting out of control in the summer. It just caught me so off guard and has made me feel so powerless again. I keep thinking that no matter how far I get in time from these events, no matter how well I do, these horrible feelings are going to arise at any time and ruin my happiness. I feel that I never truly have felt happiness, and that now I may never know what it is like. It&#039;s caused me such horrible thoughts, the suicidal thoughts, the thoughts of giving up on everything, the thoughts of withdrawing into myself, the paranoia that everyone can see through me and thinks I&#039;m pathetic and weak for not being able to just get over it....<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/running_out_of_options_time_to_try_catharsis_c-3_u-248903_b-5872.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 20 Nov 2013 09:22:08 -0500';