var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Sun, 17 Aug 2025 17:54:50 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'My Life';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_life_c-3_u-258173_b-6791.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_life_c-3_u-258173_b-6791.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'imustbecrazy';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '6791';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'Okay, I&#039;ve been searching for help. I have a problem. Let me start from the beginning. <br />My eldest brother suffers from cerebral palsy, and my entire childhood- my mom did not stay with me (parents are not separated) and my dad isn&#039;t exactly the loving type.<br />I have been a liar (without meaning to) from my childhood, and I have been sexually abused when I was a child (it didn&#039;t feel like an abuse, though)<br />Growing up, my elder brother (another one) kept dominating me or comparing me with my cousin brother who stayed with us. My brother would even force me to do things I didn&#039;t want to. He literally used to twist my arms.<br />Slowly, I feigned love for him. It happened on it&#039;s own. I actually believed myself. I knew I found him irritating and unwanted but still I respected him.<br />The somewhere around highschool, I got into a relationship and got cheated on. Yes, it was my first love.<br />It hurt. I was in a boarding school, I felt alone but never cried. I tried to take my life for reasons I can&#039;t remember. That phase of my life is a blur.<br />I thought everything would be okay. <br />It didn&#039;t.<br />My dad took me to a therapist, but my mom felt I was possessed by a spirit. <br />I&#039;m 16 now, but I still haven&#039;t rebelled or gone against my parents.<br />Anyway, I never met the therapist again but I had to take part in rituals and what not.<br />Back to my brother, he manipulated me and made me look bad in front of my parents.<br />Being the weak, submissive sister I was, my parents never thought it was my fault.<br />Moving forward, he even made me lift up my shirt because he wanted to see my body type. I was obsessed with losing weight, I was dumb, I did it. <br />Now he would hug me weirdly and said I never hugged him properly. It sounds funny but he said my butt was too outwards, it should be inwards towards the person I was hugging. <br />Now, back to my elder brother, I know that he is suffering. But he does so many things to get attention. Shouts, screams, cries all day long. I&#039;m suspecting that he even feigns illness. It isn&#039;t that we don&#039;t love him, we do. We do everything he asks, but still...<br />My father has never been affectionate. But he has always been there for me. We&#039;re good friends.<br />My mom, I don&#039;t know. She always makes me feel that marrying dad was a mistake. We&#039;re good friends, but... I feel trapped. Everything I do has to be under her. <br />I can&#039;t do anything on my own. <br />I feel suffocated.<br />So, around five months ago, my elder brother died. He was an alcoholic. He hit me, we fought. I never spoke to him again. I guess, I never will. I hadn&#039;t seen his face for a week or so, and when I did... I knew it was lifeless but it didn&#039;t look that way. I can&#039;t accept what happened. I&#039;m angry that I couldn&#039;t be angry at him anymore. I don&#039;t know.<br />Now, I&#039;m rude to people. My teachers say that I have lost that shine. My writing suddenly improved. I can laugh but still I feel different. None of my friends talk to me. I only have online friends. <br />I feel so alone. <br />Sadly, I think I like it that way.';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:44:01 -0400';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'My thoughts and your thoughts on me';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_thoughts_and_your_thoughts_on_me_c-3_u-337763_b-9817.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_thoughts_and_your_thoughts_on_me_c-3_u-337763_b-9817.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'psychlois';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '9817';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'So i&#039;ve never written a post ever on any forum, ever, and since things have changed for me recently, i&#039;d  decide to give this a go. Might not come back to this but i want to get whats in my head out there and see if anyone has anything to say about me and my problems.<br />My problems: I care about my family too much. I&#039;m almost certain that I have depression, mild anxiety and a myriad of other mental health problems but I&#039;ve never been properly diagnosed because I care about my family too much to have them worry about me at all. I also come from a culture where mental health is not a &#039;real&#039; problem, but rather a thing for the weak or the bored.<br />I think about death a lot BUT i&#039;m not suicidal. I&#039;m fine with death and i&#039;m not scared of it but I would never be able to go through with it as long as my parents are alive because I can&#039;t put them through all that pain. If they died though, I would have not much of a reason to keep going, but that is not the point of this post. <br />I&#039;ve always been very aware of my issues and i&#039;ve always been able to talk myself down in my head like there was a third person that tells the two conflicting voices in my head what to do. This third voice sounds like a trusty friend, insightful parent, or even a advising counsellor, when i think about it. This voice knows what people views as normal and suppresses my arguing voices to make me seem &#039;normal&#039;. It usually takes effort but I know it works because everyone thinks I&#039;m still this smiley, happy girl, which really hasn&#039;t been the case since about 7 years ago (when my first encounter of death in the family happened)<br />My dog (who&#039;s been with me for almost 15 years) died yesterday and I was sad but it wasn&#039;t a fearful, regretful sadness. It was more of a &quot;i&#039;ll miss you&quot; and &quot;we&#039;ve spent good time together&quot; happy sadness, though it was really sudden and shocking. I still miss him but I don&#039;t think I&#039;m doing too bad. My parents on the other hand haven&#039;t been able to sleep, eat, not spontaneously cry, and not talk about morbidity every couple of hours. They also hug me a lot because they think its comforting for me, and probably themselves too.<br />I guess what I&#039;m saying is that is it weird that I&#039;m so aware of what I&#039;m almost sure I have? Does this mean I don&#039;t have these mental health issues because it doesn&#039;t really affect my daily life and I know what triggers it, how to control it, and what works/doesn&#039;t work? Do other people with mental health issues experience this too? <br />An analogy (if you&#039;re still reading): I deal with my problems like dealing with my period. When it starts, I know what I can do to not let it leak out for the world to see. I know what the best way to deal with the dirty pad/tampon is, to chuck it out (feeling all my feelings/non-feelings but in a physical location where no one will see me then throw them out or at least leave them where they can&#039;t be seen). I clean up after myself and flush the bloody mess away (make sure no one can physically see or pick out that I have problems at any point of any time)<br />What do you think?';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 05 Apr 2016 15:24:51 -0400';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'My Best Friends Step dad harasses me and him';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_best_friends_step_dad_harasses_me_and_him_c-3_u-311565_b-9238.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_best_friends_step_dad_harasses_me_and_him_c-3_u-311565_b-9238.html';
		data[2]['username'] = '339737';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '9238';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'This all started about a year and a half ago. I was spending the night at my best friends house for the first time and i got a little warm so i was changing into a tank top and while i had my shirt off his step dad came into the room. i saw him give me a strange glare and walk away. i hadn&#039;t thought anything of it for about seven months. Then after noticing that we weren&#039;t hanging at his house at all anymore i started wondering. so one day after school i went over to his house. his mom let me in and we talked until he got home. Throughout the this whole time his step dad has blocked my number on their home phone, tried convincing the homeowners community not to allow me to walk on his street, he&#039;s banned me from his property, and his son can no longer come over to my house at all anymore. Ive overheard his dad call me a few very unflattering names. and his mom has called my parents a complete waste of time. I&#039;m wondering what options i have either to file a suit against him or how i can get him to understand what he has done over the years.';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 13 Nov 2015 21:58:13 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'My screwed mind - GID and DID';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_screwed_mind_gid_and_did_c-3_u-237822_b-5401.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/my_screwed_mind_gid_and_did_c-3_u-237822_b-5401.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'omeganashik';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '5401';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'At the age of eleven, five years ago, I recall calling a voice in my head the narrator, because he would refer to my life in third person, always negatively, constantly talking, and arguing with me, To this day. As far back as I can remember I have had a want to become female, purely for physical reasons, however, this need was intermittent, usually I had the standardly accepted gender identity, I even imagine being a father- not a parent or mother, a father- and now at sixteen my gender identity feels as if it has split into two, transgendered and &#039;normal,&#039; while I am now &#039;turned on&#039; by material of transgendered nature at times, but usually am not. The narrator has also evolved, triggering bouts of sudden uncharacteristic anger, while I am usually calm and cheerful. I sometimes find that my face is curling into a look of anger or contempt, or that I have sudden images of badly hurting people who do something I dislike, that may have been an acceptable thing to do, but for whatever reason I just feel foreign satisfaction in imagining pain.<br /><br />I began looking through myself, basically just trying to figure out what the hell is wrong, and the following are the results:<br /><br />At the age of six I had a crush on a girl in my primary school class, she left that year, for other reasons. This is the most definite starting point I can place for my tgism. then, at eleven, I had my second crush, on another classmate, and she walked up to me and told me to stay away from her shortly after the two friends I told this secret to went and told everyone. My theory is that my subconscious took these rejections, and the stereotypical views on geeks and indians, and sculpted from them the idea that I was so repulsive that the only way I could ever have a girl in my life was to be a girl, and so that shard of my gender identity broke away, and from this information I called that shard Lust. Lust doesn&#039;t seem to be as conscious as the narrator (who is now named Anger), though she has on two occasions exclaimed on how &#039;hot&#039; a guy was, though this may be because of nightly masturbation to the idea of being a girl, leading to lust already being expressed. Anger, however, is kept under lock and key, and so usually has a voice. There are other signs as well. I used to use electronic devices excessively, even when supposed to be sleeping, but I voluntarily stopped, and recently I&#039;ve started feeling tired after 11am, as if I hadn&#039;t gotten the sleep that I obviously did. Occasionally, when writing, my hand forms a squiggle instead of a letter, and my handwriting has deteriorated, and today when trying to write while holding the pen loosely, I could only make squiggles.<br /><br />There may be other voices, occasionally when playing a sport I become giddy, speaking without thinking, and really jumpy, and sometimes I hear a crowd, but that may be Anger messing with me.<br />There&#039;s a chance I am only imagining all of this, but I don&#039;t want to take that risk.<br />Help me please.';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Thu, 19 Sep 2013 17:25:27 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'An Introduction to My Mission';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_introduction_to_my_mission_c-3_u-105870_b-5787.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_introduction_to_my_mission_c-3_u-105870_b-5787.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'Bunnielight';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '5787';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'Hi there. <br />You may call me Bunnie. I am a 23 year old female who is recently married. While I am completely happy and content with my life, I still carry a lot of baggage on a daily basis and need somewhere to go to write and vent. My mother is believed to have extreme narcissistic personality disorder and has been diagnosed multiple times with bipolar disorder. However, because of her narcissism, any treatment is slapped away. She cannot maintain a stable lifestyle, a job, and refuses to pay rent. She recently got arrested for exactly that and any other information regarding her is simply my grandparents and I digging around trying to find something out.<br /><br />My sister, half sister to be exact, is a 19 year old &quot;mother&quot; of two who recently had her children taken from her by DCS and relocated to a loving family trying their best to deal with the cases appropriately and cooperate with her while she gets her life together. However, her priorities and terrible attitude is questionable regardless of what she claims. She has been told to do numerous things all of which she either ignores or makes sure she does the minimum. I would have dismissed all of this a long time ago and moved on with my life if I didn&#039;t care so much. I want the best because our mother never provided anything for her. I want my nephews to have a good life and to have their mother. It is these reasons that I have tried to be the appropriate rock, but her attitude and my limited affect on this situation, legally, makes it that much harder.<br /><br />Every day I struggle with my role in all of this. I want the best for everyone. I want them to get the help they need. But the stress of it all effects my life on a daily basis. My life is great. I have a stable job and my husband and I are starting our own business. I am a photographer and he is a videographer/producer. If we continue on the path that we are on, we will be highly successful.<br /><br />Which is why I had to find somewhere to turn to vent and give me direction. I need to deal with this appropriately and help who I can where I can without causing more damage than I am helping.<br /><br />I have had blogs over the years but none that I felt comfortable truly venting in. Nowhere that gave me proper feedback or guidance. I came here because I feel like this is where I can find that. Because I definitely need it.<br /><br />-HMD';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Mon, 11 Nov 2013 15:06:41 -0500';