var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Sun, 10 Aug 2025 17:05:59 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'Who or what am I?';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/who_or_what_am_i%CA%94_c-3_u-129876_b-4050.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/who_or_what_am_i%CA%94_c-3_u-129876_b-4050.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'caramellacrisby';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '4050';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'I have been confused all my life.. like several others... But recently.. I just can not take it any more...<br />Well.. Most of the time its just- who am I, WHY AM i, WHere AM I... Whats going on..?? What is this place.. this world..?? I must be a human being by this wolrds semiotic system.. i have two hands, head, eyes, etc.. what all other creatures considered as humans have... and there is such life around us.. what we live.. with rules... with manners... how things are supposed to be... well.. it doesnt make much sense to me... i am able to follow this worlds orders on my better moments.. but sometimes im just like- why, wtf?? Why should i.. <br />Sometimes again I live normal life.. according to this world... I can pretend like normal human being.. i can even forget for some time... my confusion.. but it comes back...<br />I have had moments of horror... When I am afraid of everything.. I can sit in a corner of a room, my back against a wall... or go under blanket.. hide there... from the world... to calm down...<br />Then I have moments of emptyness... when i think.. that not even moving my hand.. inhaling.. its not worth it.. as there is no point... whats the point to eat, to walk.. to put one lef in front of another.. to move on.. what for? why to buy a new computer, why to go to work.. why to study? why to function in this world...<br />im not sad... i dont care... i dont know... i dont see the point...<br />i do care about others suffering.. i care about sad and heartbroken or lonely people, sick people in pain, hungry animals.. etc... but what can i do for them? nothing.. i cant help myself...<br />i have started to avoid people and social events.. its not that i can not enjoy them.. i dont know how to even behave there... they dance and drink and talk.. but im thinking- whats the point? <br />I can still enjoy some emotional movies or books.. they get me off my confusion.. but real life.. not any more.. <br />i used to have some good friends and we had fun.. we were traveling and doing things together...<br />now i want to be alone.. hide from worls and people... <br />i used to feel like in Robbie Williams song-<br />I dont wanna die, but I aint keen on living either...<br />but now Im feeling...<br />I dont want to live this world and this life, but Im afraid of death too...<br /><br />So, I dont really know what to do... I can not die, I can not live.. Im just a empty soul... somewhere... somehow...';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Wed, 23 Jan 2013 09:15:14 -0500';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'Please help. I feel like such a freak and I hate myself so much.';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/please_help._i_feel_like_such_a_freak_and_i_hate_myself_so_much._c-3_u-83711_b-2348.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/please_help._i_feel_like_such_a_freak_and_i_hate_myself_so_much._c-3_u-83711_b-2348.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'Vexed111';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '2348';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'I am a sixteen year old female who is sexually attracted to her own mother. I&#039;m incredibly ashamed of it and I have no idea why I feel this way. I don&#039;t find her attractive. And I&#039;ve actually had an absolutely horrible relationship with her ever since i was 13 and I cannot stand the woman. <br />Honestly, the relationship is so horrible. I have trouble hearing her voice without getting incredibly pissed off. But recently I&#039;ve been getting so angry, that I actually become turned on. Now, the littlest things she does that used to make me so angry, now turn me on. For example, the way she handles everything so delicately, how soft her voice is...ect. ect. <br /><br />I&#039;ve been feeling this way for about 6 months and its been progressively getting worse. Now I find it invading my thoughts, and being on my mind frequently.<br />I have struggled with OCD in the past... Obsessive thoughts about things such as incest and bestiality .. but I&#039;ve never had problems with obsessive thinking AND erotic feelings.<br /><br />Please. help. I&#039;ve attempted suicide because of this, and I haven&#039;t been able to bring myself to tell my therapist or psychiatrist.<br />I have looked on some forums saying that feeling sexually attracted to a family member is more common than people realize... which makes me feel a little bit better.<br /><br />But I would like to know why on earth do I feel this way? And how can I make it go away?';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:30:38 -0400';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'Now What?';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/now_what%CA%94_c-3_u-141975_b-4223.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/now_what%CA%94_c-3_u-141975_b-4223.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'Hartlepool_lad';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '4223';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'I am Hartlepool_lad, I have tried to type my experience on the blog about seven or eight times but each time I have erased it, the abusive voice in my head yells at me that no one is interested in my story and that I am alone, pathetic and other words that have been planted in my mind which I don&#039;t wish to reveal at the moment.<br /><br />My systematic mental and physical destruction was to start  almost immediately, I couldn&#039;t call or meet friends I had to explain where I&#039;d been why I&#039;d had to go there and what I had been doing while there and who had I spoken to, my phone and internet were checked as were my texts and e-mails. Bank account details were demanded and checked almost daily and a reason had to be forthcoming if I had withdrawn money, receipts were checked if I had paid for anything with my card, I was cut off from contacting family as she would put it “this is the only family that matters to you now” this was being constantly shored up with abuse of the type that I was crap at what I do, a useless person and painful insults that I can only shudder at now, I was verbally abused everyday, physically abused every day, I have been beaten, punched, kicked, humiliated, stabbed, had buckets of hot bleach thrown over me her aggression hightened if the house wasn&#039;t clean enough the dish washer hadn&#039;t been emptied or the ironing hadn&#039;t been done exactly how she wanted, constant accusations of infidelity, squandering money, being a useless person.<br /><br />Then the torture of previous relationships started, I was given full and frank details of all the one night stands she&#039;d had, I was informed  by an ex friend of hers that she&#039;d had threesomes and multiple encounters in one weekend.<br /><br />She would regale me with the sordid details of these encounters and once estimated she&#039;d had in excess of two hundred that she could remember and not counting the drunken one night stands she couldn&#039;t, all the while telling me that I was worthless, useless, a crap person etc.<br /><br />It all came to a head in September 2005 when after months and years of such brutal torment the stress levels had reached such levels that my brain shut down for three days, I didn&#039;t know who I was, anything about myself, what I did for a job, my past anything.<br /><br />I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. Dissociative Amnesia, severe depression, social phobia and I have lost everything, my memories of my life are just shadows, the event is, as always right at the front of my eyes, she still haunts my mind and still continues to influence me inside my head, I have no respite.<br /><br />Hartlepool_lad.';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:27:02 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'Is this Hocd anymore?';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'Hi12123';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '12760';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'Sorry this is very long but please read this because i need help...<br />Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and have been struggling with hocd for about 2 years. It all started in 7th grade when I had an intense crush on a boy. Whenever I was around him I had butterflies and I actually wanted to marry him. He liked me too but he soon developed a crush on another girl and I wasn&#039;t even jealous because I didn&#039;t like him as much anymore. One night I was at a sleepover with my friend and I was laying on the couch when a thought popped into my head, &quot;you don&#039;t like **** anymore, are you gay?&quot; After that one thought, it has changed my life. ( I am not homophobic but I was always kinda uncomfortable around gay people at that age. But now I am not at homophobic or uncomfortable around gay people anymore)<br /><br />A couple weeks later, I was seeking reassurance on being lesbian and stumbled across the term hold. I had all of the symptoms and felt better. But, the worrying didn&#039;t stop. In 7th grade I was only scared about &quot;becoming&quot; gay, I knew i wasn&#039;t but I was just scared i was &quot;changing&quot; into being gay. I went to my school guidance counselor and she told me that it was ok if I was gay and should learn to accept it, this heightened my worrying because I couldn&#039;t handle the fact of being gay. There were times where I was not worrying and then times where I was. After a while of being worried I didn&#039;t worry about it at all. I had some thoughts here and there but ignored them. It was the start of 8th grade (the grade I am in now) and I didn&#039;t worry about it. Then it was triggered again, (I forgot how). Soon my mind made me think I had crushes on every single one of my friends (who were girls). My mind said &quot;If you aren&#039;t attracted to him, you&#039;re gay.&quot; It also started to change my past and say &quot;you like her&quot; even when I felt nothing for her when I was with her. Recently, I had a small panic attack at a restaurant where i couldn&#039;t eat any single thing (not even a small piece of rice) because I was worrying so much. My mind kept screaming &quot;your bi!...&quot; That night at the restaurant I planned to come out to my mom (my mom knows about my hocd) but the problem was that I didn&#039;t like any girls. I would also look at my friends (who were girls) and become jealous of them because they do not have to go what I go through. I would say in my head, &quot;they are so lucky that they are straight. They are going to have the best relationship&quot; <br /><br />I then began to dig into my past (i still am) and there are some things that I have done as a child that i can use as proof that I am gay. Keep in mind that I have never been attracted to anyone of the same sex besides false attractions (which is not even real attraction). My mind would also say &quot;All the girls think your older brother is cute, but you don&#039;t. This means your gay.&quot; And now that I am writing that, what on Earth was I thinking, am i stupid? Lol. I would also have false attractions for people on TV shows and have dreams and wake up feeling aroused and feeling that I liked it. I know that arousal doesn&#039;t mean your gay so it doesn&#039;t worry me at all.<br /><br />I know that I like boys but I am just scared that I like girls to. I always wanted to have a boyfriend but now I do not as much. My mind is now saying &quot;being with a girl isn&#039;t so bad.&quot; &quot;it will be fun to be in a relationship with a girl&quot; I have never dreamed about girls the way I have dreamed about boys and the only relationship I want with girls is friendship. But as i am writing this my mind is saying, &quot;you wouldn&#039;t mind it, it would be fun!&quot; Whenever I go out, it is just natural for me to want to impress a guy. I have never wanted to dress to impress a girl. I cant picture my future with a girl because its just not me. I also don&#039;t think it is necessary to come out because deep down I know i&#039;m not.<br />I used to have bad intrusive thoughts, but now those thoughts aren&#039;t even...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 27 Apr 2019 03:06:40 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Scars i want to keep *tw*';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/scars_i_want_to_keep_*tw*_c-3_u-263420_b-7239.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/scars_i_want_to_keep_*tw*_c-3_u-263420_b-7239.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'sschoemaker';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '7239';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'My mom wants me to get rid of my scars...But i find i really don&#039;t want too. I don&#039;t not want to wake up and not see them there on my left shoulder, on my left wrist and my right hip bone. Sick? Very, i know. My own mom looked at me like i was crazy when i told her, which i probably am. No healthy person cuts themselves, that&#039;s obvious. Or at least in my case, used too.<br /><br />I stopped cutting maybe a couple of months before high school graduation but it wasn&#039;t due to my mother finding me out. Instead my boyfriend did and made me promise to never do it again, cutting my mother to the punch line. My mom found out a month after him, i believe. She didn&#039;t believe me when i told her i stopped, so i gave her the scissors i used to hurt myself. That was my second step to stopping i guess. My third had to be when she got me medicine to take away the scars...but now on the fourth step, actually putting the stuff on, i&#039;m stuck.<br /><br /> I&#039;ve put it on once or twice but not religiously. I hate the idea of them not being there. They give me comfort and make me feel better. Am i wrong in wanting them there?';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 25 Jul 2014 04:13:06 -0400';