var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Tue, 05 Aug 2025 16:21:16 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'Cutting away the ugly part of me...';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'cfit60';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '4008';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'Hello, I&#039;m a cutter...<br /><br />Why do I cut?  What turned me into a self hater who scars his body and often wants to die?<br /><br />I&#039;m a 44 year old man who has seen his world fall apart two years ago.  I was seriously injured on the job to the point of full disability.  I can no longer do the job I lived to do, which was Police work.  Add to that the fact that I suffer horrific pain everyday due to my back injury.  I have crushed a total of 9 discs in my upper, middle and lower back and have to use a cane to walk.<br /><br />Not only do I have permanent nerve damage, but as a result I lost function of my bladder and need to urinate with a catheter and a leg bag.  I have had several surgeries to include a two level cervical fusion, an interstim implant for my bladder and a Morphine drug pump implant. Despite these surgeries, the Morphine pump and oral pain meds I am still in a great deal of pain all day and night; awake and sleeping.  I still have a few more surgeries I must endure in the next year. This physical pain alone is one reason why I cut myself. <br /><br />Since I don&#039;t have any control of the constant pain related to my back injury I at least have control over the pain I endure when I cut myself.  I don&#039;t scratch myself...when I cut I cut deep and I have scars over 70% of my body.  I often cut out of anger or frustration, because I lost my passion for life when I lost my career as a Police Officer.  It&#039;s extremely difficult to go from being physically able to chase bad guys, make arrests and help others to someone who can barely walk and is in constant pain.  <br /><br />Over the past two years I have gone from a mentally confident and competent person to a mental basket case.  Now I must say that prior to my career ending injury I suffered from PTSD and bouts of depression related to my Police experiences while employed by NYPD during 9-11 and survivor&#039;s guilt.  Also, growing up I would from time to time cut myself. Oh yeah and when I was 13 years old I slit my wrist and OD on medication in an attempt to end my life.  It was really tough covering up the huge ass scar on my wrist, especially while applying for work as a Police Officer.  I don&#039;t regret the scar, I regret the fact that I lived.  Looking back I guess there have been many times where I was in harms way and could of, should have died, but didn&#039;t.  This happened more often of course during my Ten years of Police work.  Looking back now I can honestly say that I wanted to be a Police Officer so I could die. Had you asked me while I was still working as a Police Officer I would have said it was so I could help people and save lives.<br /><br />Anyways, I now suffer from a whole host of mental disorders, such as Major Depressive Disorder, BiPolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and a couple of other disorders that escape me at this time.  I&#039;m taking a handful of medication daily in the hopes of controlling my mental and physical pain.<br /><br />It&#039;s not working, I can&#039;t sleep and the urges to cut keep getting stronger.  I also envision me cutting my own throat with a knife. I can be sitting on the couch watching a TV show and out of no where I see it...I see the knife in my hand held to my throat.  I wonder, is this how I am supposed to die?  I always hoped it would be via lead poison ( aka a bullet).  No matter, I keep cutting and my wife sees the cuts and scars and naturally freaks out.  I&#039;m putting her through hell and that just adds to my anxiety and frustration that often boils over and results in even more cutting!  I wish I could post pictures so you can see my scars and know that this is for real.  I&#039;m living a nightmare and I&#039;m ashamed of myself for being so weak. Two years ago I was a decent role model for other Officers and the community I lived to protect and serve.  Now...now I am suicidal and spend most of my time at home, in pain and alone.  <br /><br />The urges are becoming too great and I&#039;m fast losing any control. My cuts are becoming deeper and deeper.  How can I cut out the ugly side of me when...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:33:57 -0500';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'Self Hatred';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/self_hatred_c-3_u-86405_b-2645.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/self_hatred_c-3_u-86405_b-2645.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'hoping4answers';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '2645';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'I find that my hardest days are days like today where I wake up just loathing myself.  From the moment my eyes open the flood of negative thoughts drown out any positive I can see.  In these times even my children laughing and smiling outside my bedroom door cause me tears.  <br />I feel alone, which is hard to do when you live with five other people but there it is.  I can never seem to pin point just why some days the pain is so overwhelming and all consuming that lasting the next five minutes seems impossible.<br />I am worthless, unloved, and discarded.  These are the thoughts that are an unending cycle in my mind.  The more I attempt to distract myself from these thoughts the more invading they seem.  <br />Any advice out there?';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Sun, 06 May 2012 12:58:55 -0400';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'Art Therapy &amp; Addiction: As a Treatment For Substance Abuse';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/art_therapy_addiction_as_a_treatment_for_substance_abuse_c-3_u-102283_b-3709.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/art_therapy_addiction_as_a_treatment_for_substance_abuse_c-3_u-102283_b-3709.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'mnlfoojan';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '3709';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'Usually people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse or other forms of addictive behaviors come from a background of abuse or neglect or have experienced some kind of trauma when they were younger. Being in these situations, a child and/or a young person can experience various painful feelings such as fear, helplessness, shame, guilt, sadness and eventually hopelessness. Becoming overwhelmed by these emotions and not having anybody to help them and validate their feelings may lead to them learning to run away and avoid such feelings to protect against pain or become consumed by those feelings and act upon them impulsively. Later in life, they may use substances or engage in addictive and destructive activities to numb those painful feelings. Despite their effort in avoiding these emotions, they are stored implicitly in a deeper level of the brain and will be triggered more often than they may have expected.<br /><br />These emotions that have been stored in a less conscious part of the brain may not be accessible verbally, but can be found symbolically in images that the person creates. Therefore, the goal of art therapy is to access these hidden and avoided emotions that once had the purpose of protecting the individual, but either have been denied or exaggerated and lost its purpose to rediscover their adaptive qualities.<br /><br />Images in an art therapy session can simply be composed of a few lines, colors or pictures from a magazine to more elaborate drawings, clay sculptures and other forms of creativity. These images will give an expert art therapist the opportunity to help the recovering person uncover meanings behind the symbolic images, discover more information about oneself than just talking and open many deep thoughts and emotions. Participants in art therapy don’t need to have any skills in art.<br /><br />Talking about feelings can be very frightening and painful for a person who has been avoiding them for a long time. This person may not even be able to verbally express him/herself, but may be able to express thoughts and feelings about past and present events and situations non=verbally through lines, shapes and pictures. Creating them can become a new form of communication which is less threatening and safer for the recovering person.<br /><br />Individuals struggling with addiction are usually very judgmental of themselves and are flooded with shame and guilt. Creating art can give them a tangible, concrete perception of their feelings and thoughts and give them the opportunity to observe themselves from a distance which can help them gain a new, less judgmental and more compassionate understanding of self.<br /><br />Recovering individuals may engage in a simple art project whenever they feel overwhelmed or have an urge to take drugs/alcohol or engage in an addictive activity to distract and sooth themselves. Creating can give them a sense of control over the situation and a tool to accept and manage overwhelming feelings. Using their hands while using art materials such as colored pencils, markers, crayons, clay, paper and scissors can help them release some of their avoided feelings such as anger and lower its intensity, and to sooth and calm themselves when they are anxious.<br /><br />In general, in art therapy sessions, the recovering person will be given permission and opportunity to experience and express those feelings that he/she has been running away from and avoiding for a long time in a safe and supporting atmosphere, with the presence of an empathic professional psychotherapist /art therapist who will help him/her understand and make sense of those painful feelings, acknowledge and accept them with compassion, reduce their intensity and tolerate them, and finally use them effectively to fulfill their needs and goals.';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 27 Nov 2012 02:30:45 -0500';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'Scars i want to keep *tw*';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/scars_i_want_to_keep_*tw*_c-3_u-263420_b-7239.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/scars_i_want_to_keep_*tw*_c-3_u-263420_b-7239.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'sschoemaker';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '7239';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'My mom wants me to get rid of my scars...But i find i really don&#039;t want too. I don&#039;t not want to wake up and not see them there on my left shoulder, on my left wrist and my right hip bone. Sick? Very, i know. My own mom looked at me like i was crazy when i told her, which i probably am. No healthy person cuts themselves, that&#039;s obvious. Or at least in my case, used too.<br /><br />I stopped cutting maybe a couple of months before high school graduation but it wasn&#039;t due to my mother finding me out. Instead my boyfriend did and made me promise to never do it again, cutting my mother to the punch line. My mom found out a month after him, i believe. She didn&#039;t believe me when i told her i stopped, so i gave her the scissors i used to hurt myself. That was my second step to stopping i guess. My third had to be when she got me medicine to take away the scars...but now on the fourth step, actually putting the stuff on, i&#039;m stuck.<br /><br /> I&#039;ve put it on once or twice but not religiously. I hate the idea of them not being there. They give me comfort and make me feel better. Am i wrong in wanting them there?';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Fri, 25 Jul 2014 04:13:06 -0400';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Is this Hocd anymore?';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'Hi12123';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '12760';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'Sorry this is very long but please read this because i need help...<br />Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and have been struggling with hocd for about 2 years. It all started in 7th grade when I had an intense crush on a boy. Whenever I was around him I had butterflies and I actually wanted to marry him. He liked me too but he soon developed a crush on another girl and I wasn&#039;t even jealous because I didn&#039;t like him as much anymore. One night I was at a sleepover with my friend and I was laying on the couch when a thought popped into my head, &quot;you don&#039;t like **** anymore, are you gay?&quot; After that one thought, it has changed my life. ( I am not homophobic but I was always kinda uncomfortable around gay people at that age. But now I am not at homophobic or uncomfortable around gay people anymore)<br /><br />A couple weeks later, I was seeking reassurance on being lesbian and stumbled across the term hold. I had all of the symptoms and felt better. But, the worrying didn&#039;t stop. In 7th grade I was only scared about &quot;becoming&quot; gay, I knew i wasn&#039;t but I was just scared i was &quot;changing&quot; into being gay. I went to my school guidance counselor and she told me that it was ok if I was gay and should learn to accept it, this heightened my worrying because I couldn&#039;t handle the fact of being gay. There were times where I was not worrying and then times where I was. After a while of being worried I didn&#039;t worry about it at all. I had some thoughts here and there but ignored them. It was the start of 8th grade (the grade I am in now) and I didn&#039;t worry about it. Then it was triggered again, (I forgot how). Soon my mind made me think I had crushes on every single one of my friends (who were girls). My mind said &quot;If you aren&#039;t attracted to him, you&#039;re gay.&quot; It also started to change my past and say &quot;you like her&quot; even when I felt nothing for her when I was with her. Recently, I had a small panic attack at a restaurant where i couldn&#039;t eat any single thing (not even a small piece of rice) because I was worrying so much. My mind kept screaming &quot;your bi!...&quot; That night at the restaurant I planned to come out to my mom (my mom knows about my hocd) but the problem was that I didn&#039;t like any girls. I would also look at my friends (who were girls) and become jealous of them because they do not have to go what I go through. I would say in my head, &quot;they are so lucky that they are straight. They are going to have the best relationship&quot; <br /><br />I then began to dig into my past (i still am) and there are some things that I have done as a child that i can use as proof that I am gay. Keep in mind that I have never been attracted to anyone of the same sex besides false attractions (which is not even real attraction). My mind would also say &quot;All the girls think your older brother is cute, but you don&#039;t. This means your gay.&quot; And now that I am writing that, what on Earth was I thinking, am i stupid? Lol. I would also have false attractions for people on TV shows and have dreams and wake up feeling aroused and feeling that I liked it. I know that arousal doesn&#039;t mean your gay so it doesn&#039;t worry me at all.<br /><br />I know that I like boys but I am just scared that I like girls to. I always wanted to have a boyfriend but now I do not as much. My mind is now saying &quot;being with a girl isn&#039;t so bad.&quot; &quot;it will be fun to be in a relationship with a girl&quot; I have never dreamed about girls the way I have dreamed about boys and the only relationship I want with girls is friendship. But as i am writing this my mind is saying, &quot;you wouldn&#039;t mind it, it would be fun!&quot; Whenever I go out, it is just natural for me to want to impress a guy. I have never wanted to dress to impress a girl. I cant picture my future with a girl because its just not me. I also don&#039;t think it is necessary to come out because deep down I know i&#039;m not.<br />I used to have bad intrusive thoughts, but now those thoughts aren&#039;t even...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/is_this_hocd_anymore%CA%94_c-3_u-466025_b-12760.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 27 Apr 2019 03:06:40 -0400';