var title = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum Psychology Feed';
		var url = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/random_blogs_c-3.html';
		var site_url = 'https://www.psychforums.com';
		var site_desc = 'Psychology and Mental Health Forum';
		var time = 'Sat, 30 Aug 2025 01:09:20 -0400';

		var data = new Array();
		

		data[0] = new Array();
		data[0]['title'] = 'I'm worried I might be a sociopath. Please help?';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i%CA%B9m_worried_i_might_be_a_sociopath._please_help%CA%94_c-3_u-443587_b-11982.html';
		data[0]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i%CA%B9m_worried_i_might_be_a_sociopath._please_help%CA%94_c-3_u-443587_b-11982.html';
		data[0]['username'] = 'nicole2015';
		data[0]['blog_id'] = '11982';
		data[0]['blog_message'] = 'I m worried that I might be a sociopath/psychopath. The main reason why I think this is because I was very mean to animals when I was kid. I don t know why I was, but I have been reading up on signs of sociopathy/psyhcopathy in children and this is one of the biggest signs. I never got in serious trouble as a kid like in school or anything. I never really had friends, I always stick to myself and would just swing by myself at recess. I started wanting to make friends in junior high though and wanting to fit in more. I just need help because I don t want to be a sociopath/psychopath. The idea of me being one makes me want to cry. I want to be normal person. However, I start to doubt myself and my emotions. Like, "do I really feel this emotion or am I just making myself feel this to try to make myself think I m not a sociopath?" I literally doubt every emotion I feel and every mistake I ve ever made, I connect it to me being a sociopath. Like I said, the main reason I think I am one is because I was cruel to animals as a child and this is a sign. I know I need to talk to a healthcare professional, but don t know if I can handle the truth. I m worried I ll get diagnosed a sociopath, I don t know if I can live with that. I just don t why I was the way I was as a child, that s what scares me. Any thoughts are appreciated.';
		data[0]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 03 Apr 2018 19:56:14 -0400';
		

		data[1] = new Array();
		data[1]['title'] = 'Cutting away the ugly part of me...';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[1]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html';
		data[1]['username'] = 'cfit60';
		data[1]['blog_id'] = '4008';
		data[1]['blog_message'] = 'Hello, I&#039;m a cutter...<br /><br />Why do I cut?  What turned me into a self hater who scars his body and often wants to die?<br /><br />I&#039;m a 44 year old man who has seen his world fall apart two years ago.  I was seriously injured on the job to the point of full disability.  I can no longer do the job I lived to do, which was Police work.  Add to that the fact that I suffer horrific pain everyday due to my back injury.  I have crushed a total of 9 discs in my upper, middle and lower back and have to use a cane to walk.<br /><br />Not only do I have permanent nerve damage, but as a result I lost function of my bladder and need to urinate with a catheter and a leg bag.  I have had several surgeries to include a two level cervical fusion, an interstim implant for my bladder and a Morphine drug pump implant. Despite these surgeries, the Morphine pump and oral pain meds I am still in a great deal of pain all day and night; awake and sleeping.  I still have a few more surgeries I must endure in the next year. This physical pain alone is one reason why I cut myself. <br /><br />Since I don&#039;t have any control of the constant pain related to my back injury I at least have control over the pain I endure when I cut myself.  I don&#039;t scratch myself...when I cut I cut deep and I have scars over 70% of my body.  I often cut out of anger or frustration, because I lost my passion for life when I lost my career as a Police Officer.  It&#039;s extremely difficult to go from being physically able to chase bad guys, make arrests and help others to someone who can barely walk and is in constant pain.  <br /><br />Over the past two years I have gone from a mentally confident and competent person to a mental basket case.  Now I must say that prior to my career ending injury I suffered from PTSD and bouts of depression related to my Police experiences while employed by NYPD during 9-11 and survivor&#039;s guilt.  Also, growing up I would from time to time cut myself. Oh yeah and when I was 13 years old I slit my wrist and OD on medication in an attempt to end my life.  It was really tough covering up the huge ass scar on my wrist, especially while applying for work as a Police Officer.  I don&#039;t regret the scar, I regret the fact that I lived.  Looking back I guess there have been many times where I was in harms way and could of, should have died, but didn&#039;t.  This happened more often of course during my Ten years of Police work.  Looking back now I can honestly say that I wanted to be a Police Officer so I could die. Had you asked me while I was still working as a Police Officer I would have said it was so I could help people and save lives.<br /><br />Anyways, I now suffer from a whole host of mental disorders, such as Major Depressive Disorder, BiPolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD and a couple of other disorders that escape me at this time.  I&#039;m taking a handful of medication daily in the hopes of controlling my mental and physical pain.<br /><br />It&#039;s not working, I can&#039;t sleep and the urges to cut keep getting stronger.  I also envision me cutting my own throat with a knife. I can be sitting on the couch watching a TV show and out of no where I see it...I see the knife in my hand held to my throat.  I wonder, is this how I am supposed to die?  I always hoped it would be via lead poison ( aka a bullet).  No matter, I keep cutting and my wife sees the cuts and scars and naturally freaks out.  I&#039;m putting her through hell and that just adds to my anxiety and frustration that often boils over and results in even more cutting!  I wish I could post pictures so you can see my scars and know that this is for real.  I&#039;m living a nightmare and I&#039;m ashamed of myself for being so weak. Two years ago I was a decent role model for other Officers and the community I lived to protect and serve.  Now...now I am suicidal and spend most of my time at home, in pain and alone.  <br /><br />The urges are becoming too great and I&#039;m fast losing any control. My cuts are becoming deeper and deeper.  How can I cut out the ugly side of me when...<br /> <br /> <a href="https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/cutting_away_the_ugly_part_of_me..._c-3_u-87678_b-4008.html" class="postlink-local">[ Continued ]</a>';
		data[1]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:33:57 -0500';
		

		data[2] = new Array();
		data[2]['title'] = 'I feel like nothing...';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_feel_like_nothing..._c-3_u-402724_b-10936.html';
		data[2]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/i_feel_like_nothing..._c-3_u-402724_b-10936.html';
		data[2]['username'] = 'reoww25';
		data[2]['blog_id'] = '10936';
		data[2]['blog_message'] = 'My boyfriend has been in this really bad place for the past couple of weeks. He says that he doesn&#039;t feel like himself (or act like himself) &amp; that he feels like &#039;nothing&#039;. He&#039;s saying that he doesn&#039;t feel like a friend or a boyfriend. And that he feels nothing towards our relationship, even though he loves me like crazy. He just feels nothing towards everything right now.<br /><br />Because of this he wants us to take a break from our relationship so he can focus on himself and getting better. He wants to do it alone.<br /><br />I am really worried about him. I can&#039;t just leave him to battle this on his own when i&#039;m the only one that knows he&#039;s in this bad place. <br /><br />Even though we are on a break I really want to be there for him and help him. I just don&#039;t know how...';
		data[2]['blog_time'] = 'Tue, 28 Mar 2017 21:10:19 -0400';
		

		data[3] = new Array();
		data[3]['title'] = 'An update ::';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_update__c-3_u-147688_b-9379.html';
		data[3]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/an_update__c-3_u-147688_b-9379.html';
		data[3]['username'] = 'Tululaboo';
		data[3]['blog_id'] = '9379';
		data[3]['blog_message'] = 'It has been quite some time since I was both active on the forums or in my blog (not that its much of one) but giving the new year is around the corner and the sad news of a sub-forum closing to read only I thought it was time to make a new start on here and in the real world. Despite the news about the forum I will still be using this blog as an outlet so please read with caution.<br /><br />The reason for my long inactivity was as my granddad was having a lengthy battle with kidney cancer which took his life not long ago, it was a very rapid downfall and hit everyone very hard and he sadly passed away just under 2 weeks ago and was buried 2 days ago so as you can imagine things are still raw not just with myself but family to.<br />--<br />As for myself things have been going up and down throughout the year and it has been rather hard to find some level ground amongst it all and much as before my mind is still my worst enemy constantly flooding my head and not being able to stop it. Silence is bad enough but uncontrolled thoughts are the absolute worst.<br /><br />Despite all that I do actually feel like I am in a much stronger position to keep myself out of the majority of harm and speaking from where I was to how I feel now this is one of many bricks in my foundation to staying strong. I still have things that need to be worked our and sorted through but its at least one hell of start and its something I can for once say I&#039;m proud of.<br /><br />I still do view loli/toddlercon from time to time along with /r34/ to take the sting off so things are perhaps not as strong and I&#039;m not as clean as I should be but all said and done its a step in the right direction. I know looking that stuff it is doing just as much harm as it is good but for now I&#039;d rather use it as a safety net than have nothing but a dark abyss again. I crawled out from there before and I intend on staying out of it.<br /><br />Even though there are very select few in my life that &#039;know&#039; and I put it like that as at times I feel they don&#039;t quite fully understand to extent of things which I suppose is not their fault although one person does not understand how hard it is to talk to them about things, what I think, feel or thoughts I have. I know they wont want to hear it who does and I just cannot get past that.<br /><br />My pedophilia is one on a list of things which plagues me and to be honest while I feel safer and stronger, actual support is not a lot, aside from things I have put in place like not watching television, movies and even limiting the music I listen to. Keeping myself busy with new projects, learning new languages and gaming there is not much else. It may be slow going but its all a start right.<br /><br />I expect things to be pushed and pulled but hopefully by then I can take it.<br /><br />Tulula ~';
		data[3]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 19 Dec 2015 10:58:47 -0500';
		

		data[4] = new Array();
		data[4]['title'] = 'Feeling Suicidal the Closer Trial is Coming';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/feeling_suicidal_the_closer_trial_is_coming_c-3_u-258910_b-6886.html';
		data[4]['url'] = 'https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Psychology/feeling_suicidal_the_closer_trial_is_coming_c-3_u-258910_b-6886.html';
		data[4]['username'] = 'shortsnorts';
		data[4]['blog_id'] = '6886';
		data[4]['blog_message'] = 'I was doing pretty well for a while. My coping skill was eating(more of a mechanism) and it was helping me a lot. Now, I can&#039;t even stomach anything. The closer the trial is getting, the more my depression is hitting me. It feels like I can&#039;t distract anymore. I can&#039;t even look at anything with a razor any more. I feel so sick. Some one please help me.';
		data[4]['blog_time'] = 'Sat, 10 May 2014 14:22:13 -0400';