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Now What? by Hartlepool_lad on Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:27 am
I am Hartlepool_lad, I have tried to type my experience on the blog about seven or eight times but each time I have erased it, the abusive voice in my head yells at me that no one is interested in my story and that I am alone, pathetic and other words that have been planted in my mind which I don't wish to reveal at the moment.

My systematic mental and physical destruction was to start almost immediately, I couldn't call or meet friends I had to explain where I'd been why I'd had to go there and what I had been doing while there and who had I spoken to, my phone and internet were checked as were my texts and e-mails. Bank account details were demanded and checked almost daily and a reason had to be forthcoming if I had withdrawn money, receipts were checked if I had paid for anything with my card, I was cut off from contacting family as she would put it “this is the only family that matters to you now” this was being constantly shored up with abuse of the type that I was crap at what I do, a useless person and painful insults that I can only shudder at now, I was verbally abused everyday, physically abused every day, I have been beaten, punched, kicked, humiliated, stabbed, had buckets of hot bleach thrown over me her aggression hightened if the house wasn't clean enough the dish washer hadn't been emptied or the ironing hadn't been done exactly how she wanted, constant accusations of infidelity, squandering money, being a useless person.

Then the torture of previous relationships started, I was given full and frank details of all the one night stands she'd had, I was informed by an ex friend of hers that she'd had threesomes and multiple encounters in one weekend.

She would regale me with the sordid details of these encounters and once estimated she'd had in excess of two hundred that she could remember and not counting the drunken one night stands she couldn't, all the while telling me that I was worthless, useless, a crap person etc.

It all came to a head in September 2005 when after months and years of such brutal torment the stress levels had reached such levels that my brain shut down for three days, I didn't know who I was, anything about myself, what I did for a job, my past anything.

I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D. Dissociative Amnesia, severe depression, social phobia and I have lost everything, my memories of my life are just shadows, the event is, as always right at the front of my eyes, she still haunts my mind and still continues to influence me inside my head, I have no respite.

Hartlepool_lad.

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Is this Hocd anymore? by Hi12123 on Sat Apr 27, 2019 7:06 am
Sorry this is very long but please read this because i need help...
Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and have been struggling with hocd for about 2 years. It all started in 7th grade when I had an intense crush...

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projecting? by tiredwife on Thu Jan 31, 2019 7:08 pm
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Do I sound like an aspergirl? OCD, Tourettes, by Queencoco on Sun Jul 15, 2018 2:45 am
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Shoplifting Mother!! HELP! by Greyartist on Sat Jul 14, 2018 5:13 am
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Personality Disorder by recklesswho on Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:04 pm
I don't know whats going on with me, its getting worse and im getting tired. Im a boy, 20 years old and I can't remember as many details as I would like to remember about who and what I was before that...

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1 Comment Viewed 84263 times
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Re: Art Therapy & Addiction: As a Treatment For Substance Abuse by thegentlepath on Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:52 pm
I know this is an old post, but it is also a good post. Thank you.

Re: Personality Disorder by Snaga on Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:57 pm
Well hoping that you find someone who can help. Welcome to the blog section! Please be sure to go to hospital if you feel the immediate urge to harm yourself, also remember we have a self-harm forum...

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Re: i feel terrible by Snaga on Thu May 31, 2018 12:47 am
I'm not sure anything you did as a kid can be held against you like that in the future, juvenile records used to be sealed. Sounds as if you were doing stuff kids do, to me. Not that it was smart or advisable,...

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Re: Please Help me figure out what's wrong with me by Objectified on Fri Apr 27, 2018 9:35 am
May be you wanted to feel more important and therefore you lied so that you will get the attention you did not receive. Do you recall your parents neglecting you in any way? Or may be, were you jealous...

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Re: Please Help me figure out what's wrong with me by Snaga on Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:20 am
Hello and welcome to the forums! You might find the blogs don't get much responses, you might consider posting in one of the forums. I'm not sure which forum- you might find it better to break your story...

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