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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (946)
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- July 2019
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
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Im beginning to understand
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Visualizing
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Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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movement
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childhood abandonment
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
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Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Writing blogs is good

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:15 am

I write allot of blogs... Its good to write allot of blogs because Im sharing with others and Im connected and not alone. Journalling is fine; but I know others arnt reading it! I need connection with people. Im an intelligent person. I must be part of a community or I will starve to death. I will starve from lack of emotional and spiritual and intellectual and communicational food; And many other aspects of the social condition I will go without. When Im starved I start dying; and this is not good. When Im starving, I cant think strait. I won't think strait. I don't care anymore if I think strait. after awhile of being alone and thrown away; I want to die! I don't care anymore, Im not connected to anything or anyone. I don't want to be part of the human experience anymore; why would I! Im not getting anything out of it.

Its a crime when I hold someone back from being apart of! Its evil and pure abuse!

It is important to have a community family if I do not have a real one.

I have allowed people from many different groups to take care of me through the years; including this fine place.

12 step groups
psych groups
councilors
Teachers
helpers; do-gooders
churches/ministers
friends
sponsors
sponsees

Ive had many people from the community through the years help me, and they are still helping me! its never perfect! and not everyone is nice all the time; Sick people act sick!

I need a family to move through in order to grow. I do not grow in isolation; I starve, I die.

Its better to bitch within a group then to bitch alone in front of a merrier. But gossip and bitching I shall continue to the day I die. but it must be done in a safe family. I use 12 step system to bitch and get my feelings out; there is no cross talking! Marvelous!

The human being is not just an animal; they have a complex social need. This is part of the genetic makeup. A person needs to belong, belonging creates love. To know Im loved and accepted by the social experience pulls me in. When Im accepted or loved, I mature. I cannot mature alone. I am stuck when in isolation. Isolation protects me from bad elements of the social experience. However, I need the other side of the social experience. I need to belong and be loved. This creates interest; self life interest. When I feel Im not loved by anyone or anything or belong to anything or wanted by anything; why would I stay on planet earth!

The social family moves my emotions down the emotional river Im stuck in; this happens when I share everything to them ) people in a safe place). I drain myself, I feel like I belong, and then mature a bit. I have resolved things; now its time to move to the next journey down the path. Its your job to help me do this, not control and stop me! Im not going to you for a road block. Im going to you, that you open the gate freely and send me through, that I move to the next journey ( I need you, don't puss out on me). If you are left behind; that is not my fault. I am not to hinder your progress, you are not to hinder mine. You are to help me as I am to help you! Any thing else is b#llshit, anything else is sadistic evil.

Evil people want to hinder and control and destroy; they want to kill to control. They want to kill me emotionally, spiritually, physically, sexually, economically! They want to batcher my talents out of me. They want to fear my abilities or the use of my abilities out of me! They want control, to groom me like an object for there personal interests.

life is and can be a horrible place! its a brutal affair to be apart of this insanity at times. However, the recovery process is alive! I know. Ive been in it for awhile now!
----------------------------------

My gaol is to move through the bottle neck of PTSD stuff from my young life. When young, my life was rolled over by sociopaths. These people uprooted me! took me out of my culture, my housing, my schooling, my neighborhood and my way of life. They ruined every part of my life! and left me stranded. I was raped, and acquired large lethal amounts of PTSD problems, until my mind was gone from Dissociative Disorder. I am better know. And I continue to work the recovery process to get better.

My next goal is dealing with the first main issue! the breakdown I had at 9 years old; This is the major break from reality that needs to be looked at and healed up. This will take much work.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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