Im at the point that others are bugging me. If they look at me with disrespect, I don't like it or want it around me or have to be harassed by it...
As I fuse parts of me back into a whole... Im interested in the future and the present... The past becomes memories.. not sidewalk horror shows, or anchors around my neck-brace...
My social skill are getting stronger. The ability to respond is getting slowly better, inch by inch.. Im not fighting it or expecting to much... Im just letting it happen.
Im sensitive to being snubbed by people, as they are not helping me succeed. Im getting mad about it. Im being purposely turned off... Turned of like a kitchen light at night... Its about others controlling me.. I would like to get to the point that others don't have this negative effect on me..
Others manipulating me to get something from me... If they cant manipulate they want nothing to do with me... I would like to get to the point that these people don't have control over me or bother me when Im in the same room.
I like my serenity and don't want others waisting it or trampling me under there feet, turning and tearing me to pieces...
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Im reattaching to some memories.. This is a good thing... Im realizing my mind is much weaker then most.. I cannot stay present very long.. I recede inside my brain and become dissociative.
im looking forward to attaching to enough memories that positive results proceed. ive been uncomfortable to react or interact with anything... Anything except expressive things... Mountain biking.. playing drums... playing with clay anxiety ball... At times making pictures, or making music.. However, the creative stuff comes and goes.
its very hard to interact with creative media.. I don't feel safe, it brings up to much pain when I was taken advantage of... Only time will tell if I interact with the better memories that will allow me to express intimately.
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