Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Working with God in dating/relationships

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 20, 2020 11:25 am

Having sex with women is not possible; because Im completely dissociative... But things are shaking up in my world and this may be changing; its all about protection; how my nervous system wants to protect me..
.
I feel so immature on a date; at least I think I am; because I haven't asked anyone out in years but Ive had plenty of women hit on me; I mean; all I had to do was respond to them right then; but I could not.
.
.
Abuse in the form of silence.
Ive been abusing women; those women that want to go out with me; I abuse them by going silent on them and not talking to them; because I've been tortured in the past; and that torture was sent forth upon me by women when I was a child; sickening... its beyond sickening.... unbelievable. Wasn't all women; but several women were involved.
.
After sexual abuse by some of the members of the house hold I was forced to live in; I could never really interact normally around any one anymore; and no one cared about what happened to me. I was alone and with no protection from anything or anyone; I shut down. And I still shut down.
.
.
I find even visualizing sex with women; Them actually being with me; impossible; but its getting better.
Because of Dissociative disorder; In my imagination I see thing or myself at a distance; not up close; but this year this has been changing.
When I think of making love to someone; I have to feel good enough to be with someone and visualize being up close to them. Feeling good enough about myself was not possible before; I was to into being safe....
.
What do I think about getting naked around someone... seeing them in my imagination naked up next to me or under me.... It used to be impossible to do this; to see it; Right now; its unbelievably hard; but Im getting better and Im starting to see it. My mind is allowing it; it never used to be this way.
.
I have to visualize in order to see anything happen for me.... I have to see myself with someone else; I have to allow myself to feel good enough about myself to see myself with someone else up close; whether it be kissing or making out or more...
.
I have to visualize when thinking of someone in my bed... or being intimate with me in that bed... I have to see it first and then it's possible.
.
With dissociative disorder it was almost blank... seeing someone in my bed with me; no thoughts; nothing allowed... my mind completely melted down into amnesia. No way to get in; putting in new thoughts in my mind; I was not allowed.
.
Being immediate with women.
.
When a women is interested in me and wants to talk to me; comes up to me; I have to be immediate; I can't answer her in a week; I mean; that's 2 long... I have to learn and teach myself to be immediate; all problems with women have occurred because it took me months or years at times to respond to her... now; Im hoping I can do it in seconds... I get mad and clam up and go dissociative; the women in front of me has no idea what Im doing or why; no idea. and even if she did she has no idea what's wrong with me but they never ask... they wait and if I don't respond they finally give up at some point.
.
Many times women's behavior has stopped me from associating with them and that is why I clam up. However, many women have written me off as a weakling or so shy and immature I could not court them. The reality is; I wrote them off because of their offensive behavior... but they never seem to get it; to understand its about them and not me...
.
I have to feel safe; if. women is not safe; No Go!
.
Visualization is a key that helps me...
learning to speak immediately helps me.
learning to get intimate again; ill have to discuss it with them...
Being in bed with someone; I can see my defenses going up... This will take some work; but things are better now; Im starting to see it in my mind; that is good its not completely blocked...
I have to ask them out... When we're talking together; I have to ask them out....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2723 times

Who is online

Registered users: ArchieCeatt, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Houstonfrest, MichaelInody, OMNICELL