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Consumer 6
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- June 2019
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
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Coping with what has happened to me in this life
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Talents and development
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Money and women
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women and shame
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Music creating; blocked
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Im getting very close
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Its hard when you were never loved.
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Things are changing
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Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
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Social isolation; social uphill climb
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Feeling better inside
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An interest in the arts
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intimacy 2
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Identity overwhelmed
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re changing the present
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Working out of it; the struggle continues
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A new segment of life
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dealing with life from zero to 18
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Connecting to things in the real world
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Things are changing
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I have to believe more
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liking myself and dating
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bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Women Women women; this is the big issue

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 05, 2015 12:38 pm

The big issue is coming to the news stands soon! This years biggest issues; women and activities! I will I be able to pull it off!

Nothing causes more grief then women! What to do about women! I don't have my life together! And this is the major problem!

I wont put up with being judged by people! I cant! Its to much for me! I think I have one of those Un attractive qualities with women! Im not economically manly enough! I don't have anything! Theirs no room to take care of a women!

If I cant take care of a women; what else to bring to the table; personality! I don't have a strong personality of confidence and survival! Im a sensitive intelligent person! I do not see women wanting a sensitive intelligent person; I see women wanting a man with a big truck, big house, job,career, life! Money, stability and family! Then sensitive and intelligent!

Im just sensitive and intelligent; nothing more! I don't have anything else! OK; How do I show a women this! This is where I get stopped! I don't have the confidence so show her this side of me!

I seem to be weak on all sides! All of them! To weak for women! Or what women want!

I cant take care of a women!

Ive found that I never did attract any women! I never attracted any women being myself! I only attracted them when I acted attractive! But after acting attractive; the women I attracted are attractive women; but the wrong women!

Im attracting good looking women with nice bodies; but they are the wrong women! Or Im telling myself they are the wrong women! Maybe they're the right women and I cant believe it! Or I wont believe it! I seem to have something against beautiful women! I don't trust them; but I attract them!

Something is dreadfully wrong! I mean really ######6 wrong! I don't trust women! I don't trust anyone!

I don't trust anyone!

I want people from another planet! Some other place I can trust! Where it's not all about them!

Im not sure where to look for what Im looking for! I don't know! And I don't trust the people I attract!

Yet, I don't sleep with them either!



Sleeping with women;

Something has stopped me from sleeping with women! Im self conscious about something! Possibly; its hard to sleep with someone as a man when you have nothing and are poor! But for a good reason!

Its hard to sleep with a women because its fantasy for her! But how do I create a fantasy for her! I have nothing!

This is where I get man! Very mad! My self image is horrible! Deplorable! And I have a right to it!

I don't see people with depth! No one! Im not sure if I'm not looking in the right places!

Telling the truth is a good place to start!

I know a women; an attractive women; she lives in a half way house! She is trying to get of alcohol and drugs! She did not lie to anyone! I have to do the same!

I seem to be scared to death to tell my real story to people! I have to get to the point that Im not scared any more of telling my real story!

Its attraction not promotion! But what are they attracted to! That scares me! I have no money! So, who are they and what do they want!

Age plays a part! Im starting to feel strangely old around women! But I still attract young women! 30 years old! The girls in their young 20's! Im still attracting them! Attraction is attraction!

If your 50 and she's 20 and you attract her; you attract her! And thats that!

My problem is; I cant man up! I have to speak up! Let people know who I am! That scares me; but why?

The first 18 years of my life ruined and waisted!

The first 18 years of my life were manipulated and waisted! And I do not want someone with me that I cannot talk about this! I cant be with someone that is so shallow that you cant talk to them! Or they wont talk to me!

Its all about them; this wont work!

They want it all about them! That wont work!

I need someone in a subordinate roll so its about me!

I want a women in a subordinate roll! Nothing else feels right! Or normal!

I have to trust Women! Or the women Im with! How do I do this!

My early life was waisted and a waist! Thats part of my story if not all of it! I only want people around me that can relate to this! I don't want anyone else!

But that should not stop me from sleeping with women!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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