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OMNICELL
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Women differences!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Oct 18, 2015 12:22 am

really really long blog!

It simply takes one major character flaw to end my relationship with a women! Im not talking about dating or sex! Im talking about any type of relationship; friendship; you name it! Ill end a friendly relationship if the values are not the same!

More n more; callas reckless intent! No investigation of problems! No interest in finding out the truth! No depth! This has been the problem with women! Ive got problems; Im sorry! but it takes a little bit of compassion on the women's side to investigate! she has to want to know whats going on with me! She must show some kind of interest! but they dont! They simply move on to another opportunity!

IVe had massive amounts of people judge me according to their level of shallowness! If they are shallow; they see me as they see themselves; at the depth or lack of depth of their character! And they will investigate at no other level! Will go no further to finding the truth! Why?!

If you want to find out about me! Ask someone else; they'll tell you the same lie the last person you asked! And they all have the same level opinion; and its all wrong! But no one cares! But its fun to judge and make someone out to be less then what they are worth! and it seems, Im one of those people that have been judged! not loved!

In my case its prejudice; its prejudice; real horror!

I have a few savings graces; as they say!

1. Its obvious from what I went through as a boy, that the people responsible for all the horror I went through seem to be of the same clan or nature! they are all bad! and they all lived in the same area! they all had money; I did not! meaning, I was just a person going to school; trying to learn how to get a life! I was a boy! I did what boys do! I was a nice kid! The people around me turned out; not so nice! None of them! In fact Im shocked! Evil!

I was judged in every corner and every avenue; one might say! But listen; seriously, How can this be! I mean! Someone must have asked the question! Whats wrong with Omnicell! But no one did! They crucified me instead! Why?!

Their have been other cases of people who have gone through the same thing; black people have gone through this level of prejudice for years! And now; so have I! But what triggers these people to hate like this! Upper middle class white community! And I got moved around to other communities! Lower middle class white neighborhoods; same thing! I never had one person on my side! My best friend turned on me like everyone else! And so did his family! As if I had never met them before! This is what happens to someone who is black when they might walk into one of these communities in the 1960s or early 70's! They did the same thing to me! But why! Where is the hate coming from!

When I used to see this happen to black people; I never questioned it! I did not like it! but I never questioned the intent of the whole neighborhood structure!

Regardless of where it's coming from; it's not about me! I was the nicest person you would have ever met! But that was before I was thrown away into the level of a foster child! And no one cared!

With research, I began to see I was not the only one! Several children from my area didn't make it! They were judged or ridiculed when they refused to fit in; and they were destroyed for it!

So, not everything was good as the way it was supposed to be on the outside in these neighborhoods! They murdered people at different levels of humanity!

These people; all of them; they were mean; like yellow jacket wasps! But I never knew! I never never knew! Not until it was to late! I would have escaped it; but I didn't! I got hit at a vulnerable age! And destroyed! And I kept on getting destroyed every time I went back around all of these people!

I remember some of these people! They are not my friends! They spit on me with ridicule and indifference, as if Im a scumbag! For those reading this! Do I sound like a scumbag! No! Of course not! Then why am I being judged? Good question!

Many people from the area I grow up in treat me like a second class looser! But Im not! These are people I grew up with! I have a bad reputation with them! But I do not have a bad reputation because Im not a bad person! It makes no sense!

Possibly they were looking for a scape goat! I don't know! Its happened in several different neighborhoods I grew up in! I became a victim! Or hated! But its all wrong!

I don't personally care! These idiots don't mean all that much to me anymore! They did not care about my well being! I was hated! used as a scape goat!

Even the 12 step systems Ive gone to; they do the same thing; prejudice; I do not tell them the depth level of anything! I simply bring up the topic that I need to work on and tell them nothing else! I work on it! Telling the group what Im working on! But I leave out the safety valve! I don't tell them that specific stuff that glues us together! I don't want to be glued togather with people! I don't have to be! It's a 12 step group! The doors are open! I come n go as I please!

Ive said the same things over n over n over in these places without anyone understanding a word Ive said because they don't have the character for it! It's not intellect! ###$! How hard is it to drive a car! They can probably understand that Im simply trying to rebuild my life! Im in recovery! How hard is this to understand!

Well,; if you don't roll out a red carpet for them and entertain them then they are not interested! ~ its as simple as that!

The people of my past! if you show any wavering in your neighborhood social money position! anything that would indicate you don't really belong! you will be in question! if they find out you don't have the money, or you're not one of them! the doors shut in your face and your erased permanently as if you were never born! if you dare to go back, as I did, and knock on their doors; your in for a very hard brutal surprise! They will answer the door with a stern attitude of no forgiveness and remembrance! you will be treated like the mail man! simply a stranger coming to the door to buy or sell something! and when the conversation is over, you will be asked to leave; you're not wanted! don't ever ever come back! prejudice! you will not be asked back in that neighborhood ever again! you are banished for ever! and you did nothing wrong!

And God will have his heyday with them! They will see! but that aint my business!

It is evil; pure evil!

I remember my best friend at age 11 blaming me for being abused! I will never forget it! I thought he was on my side! Why would he make a judgment call concerning another child being abused! Strangest thing I have ever heard out of a child's mouth! His parents told him this! They talked behind my back! They talked behind a child's back at a dinner table and blamed the child for being abused! They did everything they could to make me out to being a bad person! They must have started long before I was 11 years old! Probably back when I was 6! But I never knew this! I did not know this because I thought they were nice people; I thought they were my friends! I was simply wrong about them, and never knew! I thought they were my friends; they were not!

they were taking an innocent person and trying to destroy him! I was a child and innocent! its all on them! all of it! child destroyers with no conscious! thats what they were! they were burn in hell! and I will come out from among them!

=====================================================================================

Many of the women Ive met; same thing! they've taken an interest in me; when things did not go their way; they did not ask why! they simply hooked up with another man and wrote me of as a weakling and a fool! was I a weakling and a fool! no! why then did they turn on me! did they take a look at their own behavior; no! why should they! they simply went for another opportunity then wrote me of!

It happened today! A women I know that liked me! I saw her today with her new baby from her new husband of a few years ago! Thats not what she wanted! She wanted me to be her husband a few years ago! But she was not willing to pay the price for such a meet up! Because she did not get things the way she wanted in the beginning! Nothing ever got started! She ended up with another man that hit on her! Now; it's my fault every time I see her! She's mad at me!

If this women wanted me; she would be with me! She is not with me because she never really wanted it! If she did; she would be with me! but she simply cant get this! its my fault according to her!

And I can say this about all the women Ive met that liked me! If they really wanted to be with me; they would be with me now! But none of them are with me because none of them wanted to be with me! The price was 2 high for them! I guess!

if these women would have humbled themselves and asked others why I was acting the way I was acting; why I was not responding correctly; maybe they would have found some answers! ! I could have worked with them! But they did not want it! Many of them wrote me off when they found out I had mental illness! Others didn't care! They didn't get what they wanted when they wanted it; so they allowed other men to come in and sweep them off their feet!

It's interesting to see an attractive women with a baby while she holds contempt for me or (writes me of!) And I see she is with another man; not me; has his baby! And yet! It's my fault she is with this other man and has a baby by this other man! Fascinating! yet, I get treated with scorn as if Im the immature one that everyone knows, does not know how to have a relationship with anyone! and their lives; these women, are my fault?

And Ive told these people a million times about PTSD and dissociative disorder and why I cant get close to people! all goes in one ear, and comes out the other! Amazing and strange! its also callas and brutal and evil! and its all Godless on their side of things!

And what God was trying to point out to me! they are all Godless; all of them! and that is what I do not have in common with them!

Thats whats missing in this story! I was with God; and none of these people were with God! and I can assure you; I checked! Im not making things up! I did my research and I was a first hand witness to all of this!

I need to find nicer kinder people!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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