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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 30, 2016 12:31 am

So, many things are changing for me! And they are rough, and Im alone in my pioneering ways! But Im not! Im headed toward my dreams! However, no parents needed this time! Im learning to out grow them and their lies! Who ever they were! And the lies of the times and even the other around me at the time!

Psychopaths; As I get better I see the truth! Its as horrible as possible a nightmare can be! So incredible! But Im not alone! Its just; you never would think such things as a child! But I suppose it had to happen to someone! It happened to me! I was not prepared for it!

The psychopath does not have children! They do not care about such human experiences! They do not love; so they do not love the offspring of Adam! God does not exist in such creatures; the psychopaths! They are predators like alligators at the inner waters edge of a pond some three feet off into the deep! You can only see their eyes peering at you! If you get to close to the edge, they will leap from the water onto you and twirl you in with one bite; into your death to the bottom of the pond you go! And round n round n round until you drown! They eat you I guess! Im not sure of they're eating practices! Maybe I Google it; yes?!

The psychopaths has no interest in children! If they plan to have children; it is for the full exploitation of those young innocent humanoids! And this is what happened to me! I was groomed, manipulated, exploited, used, destroyed, thrown away! In that order! I never knew what happened or what was happening! I only knew I was slowly dying from neglect at the age of about 6 or 7 onward! And at a certain age, the psychopaths begins to make excuses for them to excuse themselves from your lives! The psychopath will leave when they feel you're getting to old! They know you will grow enough to see what they are; At that point, they will start blaming the world around them and you for their necessary departure of your family! Meaning, they will abandon the family system and go look for new pray or a new situation to take advantage of! Once they leave, they are gone! Meaning, they have forgotten about you! They might come back; only for their own needs; nothing of yours! And they will manipulate you at every turn! If you stay away from them; they will never come back! They feel nothing! They are predators; much like a giant lizard who spends their day feeding on pray!

The point; The Psychopath has pre planned what they are going to do to you; at what age and time period! And why and how they are going to exploit you! They have it planned out how they are going to play you and use you long before you are born! Once done, they will escape or throw you away!

Its all a pre designed charade for their entertainment! They want to get off! Its pure excitement; much like an arsonist gets of on starting a fire in a building and watching the fire trucks appear and put it out; they care nothing for who is in side or who gets killed in the fire! And they will do it again! And again, and again!

The point of all this; I had nothing! Meaning, my life; all its events were pre thought out and determined and undermined by psychopaths that predetermined their goals, long before I was born! I was simply free bait because the state or society has no way of keeping psychopaths from having children they can use or exploit!

Everything of my early life, plans dreams, childhood; all destroyed!

So, I was nothing! Actually, I am everything! And Im lucky to be alive!

The point is; its horrible, but it's freeing and it makes sense! And with this, its much easier to let go of all memories! Keep nothing of the past! All of it is a stupid lie! Nothing worth keeping! And thats just fine with me! I will let it all resolve and I will start over with my own dreams and my new life and memories!

I had brothers! But they were never real brothers! Who ever they were; I never knew what really happened! I assumed they were wrecked or destroyed by the time I was 5 or 6 years old! I had no real understanding of them; just a child's fantasy bond concerning life! In reality they were strangers who did not want to see one more child born into this horrible nightmare! I assume they thought it was every child for themselves!! And I had no real place in their lives or their memories!

One is a complete sadistic sociopath; the other a strange pathological degenerate! He's not a sociopath, but he's not deep enough to be called a human being! He's something in the middle of personality disorder disfigurement of a pathological nature!

I am ending up coming back to some levels of normal; Im ripped up bad! I don't feel things like I should! Hopefully this will return!

I am making goals with Gods help and success based thinking! Im now much more interested in goals then in the past! However, I still have allot of deep past stuff to work through! But Im not fooled; I know what it all means and where it comes from! And I know its all leaving one way or another! Its clean up! Maybe a few more battles; but mostly cleaning up and getting rid of all the past memories! I now see things as thoughts and not events! Any past thoughts associated with the psychopaths and those thoughts are immediately devalued and destroyed the best I know how! And hopefully replaced with new thoughts of goals and dreams!

I see painful thoughts as something I can get rid of! Get rid of the thought! Over ride it with better thoughts! Neutralize it; and bring in new goals! Im no longer fooled by the thoughts content! I know the base of it was from a faulty created lie! A childhood created by predators to take advantage of innocent humans that could not fight back!

Women; The main problem with women is goals! You usually have a visual of what you want from a women, or the type of women, or what you want to do to a women! You need to see it! And my seeing ability is trapped in trauma from the past!

Im working on the ability to set goals and visualize! And I need this creative visualization when dealing with women! Its like Im blind and don't know what I want to do to women or what I want them for! I cant see it or feel it! So, I need more recovery!

ITs strange to not have women in my bed! Its almost like Im 8 years old, and 8 year olds don't have women in their bed with them; Im waiting for my mom and dad to come back!
'
So, I still have allot of child development work to get the inner child healed up to move forward!

I would like to heal this area up and feel again and see again! Im blind in this area emotionally!

Im working on it! As I let go of more of the past, women come into the view of the present!

As my goal setting gets better and stronger, my goals to be with women in the here n now gets stronger and better!

Here n now; this is the problem! Im not good enough for the here n now; not yet!

The past does not equal the present or the future! However, I need all of me in the present if I want women! I have to focus on what is in front of me now!

The wrong women; Ive been surveying allot about women lately! This is what Im finding! Her looks don't mean anything! Her values do! If she does not have any discernment for right or wrong; she's out! If she is deceptive; she's out! She has to have my values or it will never work! And Im finding a new freedom! Im no longer interest in pretty girls that I see; just because all the other guys like them! I don't! Once I see what they are; I don't care if the girl is looking in my direction! I am not interested! Ive had more hot women like me that had no concept of right or wrong; it's a complete waist of time! I mean; I cant walk up and save them; " excuse me, but the reason Im not hitting on you is you have no concept of right or wrong, would you like me to help you with this"! The problem is; the girl doesn't care about right or wrong, and I don't think, I telling her will make any difference!

I let evil go its own direction! Its better to move on! Ive found many women get my message! But they don't change and don't care, they continue to date thugs instead! So, Im finally realizing its time to find better women with better values!

I romanticized that I could be with women from a rougher background! But No way! It's not working, it doesn't work! The girls liked me; I loved their hot looks and those hot bodies! But no way! You're playing with fire! Meaning, they can turn on you in a second! You don't want their wrath! They might burn down u bicycle; if u no what a mean!

The problem with women; Im looking for something above a prostitute! Like friends with benefits until I find my soulmate! The goal was; I want to sleep with ever women that looks yummy and is single!
I could; but the women are not playing along! The women are more deceptive then I am! Im strait forward about what I want; Ill tell them what I want! I want lie! But they are different! They want a daddy for their children! All 30 of'm! They want formula, and cell phone bills payed, and their rent payed and baby sitter money and everything! No thanks!

I guess I just want porno in a box! I want porno in my bed, not in my computer! I want to fool around with women and hang out with them! I cant do anything seriously emotional because they are not my baby mama! They are not the ones! At some point in the future I have a soulmate Im interested in! So, what am I supposed to do in between; just watch Japanese lesbian kissing videos! The girls(meaning women) are cute, but after a while the models get tiring to look at! I want the real thing!

Im not looking for a prostitute; I could never do that! But instead I would like to have women to make out with and then go have ice cream!

The point; What do I want! I have to visualize it with confidence! No doubts! See it positively! So, there is allot of work seeing myself with women!

I got rewired backward when it came to women! This happened from the horrible disaster with the psychopaths! Im messed up!

My sexuality with women is messed up! Its messed up bad; there are strange fears of being with women! Its to close! To physically close! Something is wrong! I have to talk to my therapist about it!
I am getting closer to an over all success!

Their fear of getting close to women is nothing new! And I see the solution in my belief in my dreams and desires! I seem to have a pride issue! Im scared to admit that I want a women next to me! I want them like crazy! And I don't understand why they are not next to me in my bed! I have this holly'r then thou routine going that makes me to pure to have a women in my bed! I seem to be caught in this! Something crazy is wrong!

I wont admit that I want a women! A real women, and I might not be able to hand a real women from reality! Its like! Ok! What do I do next to stop all this so I can come back to reality and have a real women! Something is way of in La la land!

Its all dissociative disorder! I just wish this part could be figured out! Its all strange! Yet, I must remember, I haven't been able to work or have relationships! Ive been mentally gone from my break downs for a long long time!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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