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OMNICELL
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Women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:54 am

Women in Western Societies;

Im at that point that I have to start screaming about women! it has to come out! and, it really has to come out if Im going to date and be around women again! and I think I have allot to bitch about? I certainly have larger concepts, concerning disappointment and shock of what I thought women were and what they really are!

I was destroyed when young, so when I reached out, I got my mind and body and soul ripped to pieces! This is a world of 50% men, and 50% women! Both helped to destroy me! Women did nothing to help me! they were worthless as the men were worthless! corrupt is a better word!

I live in Western Societies, and dealing with women in this society is strange! Most of the women that are on the lower leagues of things are my friends! I have no eco rich friends with money! very few! they are 2 arrogant and full of themselves!

My real feelings; Why did you hurt me! I did nothing to you! I innocently asked for help! you tried to crucify me! why! but its worse! you are murder's like the men you claimed victimized you! you are the same but more sinister! and don't blame me! I pray to God on my knees all day long to survive this life! you are nothing to me! I have no reason not to tell the truth!

Not all women are bad! most are not! most are broken hearted and beat to death! and I do not know what to do! I suppose I can get stronger!

There is nothing worse then becoming friends with a women and she only wants to be your friend and not your girlfriend! When you go through this over n over! you look up at God and give up!

I know at some point Im going to be turned on by women! they will not stay faithful! but it is not men that they break my trust with! its something else! I am not good enough! they wanted a blue print of a man, and I don't match up! all I end up is a human being!

I need someone to take care of me! but not control me like a little boy! not unless I love them! but they do not humble themselves enough to be loved! Well, thats not true!

=======================================

I really like women! I love being around them and seeing them smile! I love there energy! or what ever!

Im one of these people that was thrown away and has been hard to get near! Ive been hurt! Im seeing a direction! helping those who are hurt! but Im having a hard time with it! Im still to damaged myself!

Ive learned to let go of women that are hurt but don't need me! I don't want to be hurt, by liking someone that is not in my league!

Im like anyone else! if your not in my league for dating, your waisting your time! your waisting my time! its stupid!
Im afraid its the same with women; if Im not good enough for them, Im waisting there time!

But where to I find the women that are good enough! or that see me for who I am, not for what they can get from me!
Ive had women size me up! they like me for all kinds of reasons! but I get nothing from them!

I guess I don't appreciate women who like me! or I don't believe them!

Mental illness and women; Ive had women admire me, then find out Im mental ill! or have problems with this! they listen to me and can hear that I have problems! then the right me off as a weakling!

I can't be a false person! I believe that women like me for all the wrong reasons!

But I talked to a women the other day who told me why women like me! first she thought I was cute! so that is great!

She told me that women like me because I have all the traits of an alpha male but Im not a jerk! and I would agree! I do not need to be a jerk around women! I do not compute that!

I like women! I just wish they liked me for me! they don't even care!

When I try to like women for who they are, they are a closed book! They are secretive and deceptive!

I hated it when a deceptive women likes me! I do not know what to do! I wont date someone that is deceptive! I want no part of it! IVe tried! it does not last long! those people are not honest!

I do not trust the girls that like me! they have to much baggage, and they never talk about there baggage, they are lying to themselves!

I have girls that like me that have other boyfriends! do they really think Im going to take them out of there present relationships! I should win them over when there with someone else! Ill ask God! " God, should I sneak in and take this girl away from her current boyfriend" Ok! here is the answer from God! " No" " Get out of there"! " these are not the right people for you" " come out from them"

Back to women;

They don't want me! Even the ones that do, do not!

Or, Im looking for the women that are looking for me!

I have plenty of girls that are hot enough to bake break on, that like me! They are eye candy! but they all have boyfriends or are married! or, if I don't hit on them, they find another guy who is worthless; but thats my speculation and none of my business!

Because of the nature of the places I seek recovery, theres allot of sick people! and many times there are women who give me the eye! now, when I call them on it! they show up the next day with there boyfriends or husbands! And some of these girls really did a good job leading me on! but Im used to!

I suppose God has toughened me up to survive!

Still don't know about this love thing! how to love someone when I don't know if they are going to be deceptive! thats what scares me the most!

I think the goal is to work through the people Im around until I can find better people! but Im scared to death I wont have the goods! Ill find a girl, but I wont have enough to have it going on! This scares me to death! I feel like a stranger, or a loser, or less then, no good!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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