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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1136)
- January 2021
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jul 27, 2019 11:45 pm

Ok; so; I have to get to a point that I start dating the right kind of women. I cant date the wrong kind; And Ive been confused and confused and pissed off and confused; on n on n on...
Im more then just an introvert; I'm one of those nerdy type introverts that meets a cute female introvert nerd science wiz or art history wiz or what ever; intellectual and dates her. Im glad I know this; it used to scare me because I had no idea how I was going to meet someone like this.
Ive attracted women; Ill be 57 and Im still attracting women; and Im still turning them away; they are not the right ones; the right people. I went through the soccer mom syndrome; that didn't last long; white pretentious good looking women divorcee soccer moms married to the dentist or Doctor or architect; they liked the way I looked. They were attractive when young in college or high school. But they are impossible to date; Ive tried asking them out; calling them; You can tell immediately its a waist of time. I wont bore you with the details; its not worth it; Ive gone through a few of them; Do I want to go through more of them; I don't know. Did they like me; yes; did they find me attractive; yes; did I ask them out; phone them; yes; did it get any further; no! and it wont.........
I know this one girl from my fellowships; her looks are perfect for what I was looking for; she even liked me for a few years ago; wen she first met me; but she was so immature; and with my dissociate disorder; I passed; However, her personality; Somethings wrong with it. I cant describe it. I know she liked me but wont or cant show it; even tho I can see through her. I called her over one day to talk to her; I commanded her to me. she came... Later I walked up and told her to give me her phone number; She did. I waited a few days; I called her...
She flaked and never called me back. I saw her at an event today; Ignored her; I couldn't do anything else. that was a year ago or more ago; I cant figure these people out; its like they like me and they play me at the same time... I don't want people like this around me. The universe never called that girl to come to me or like me; she was not sent by God or the universe....
This is what Im finding; If the universe has not brought them; its like Ive never attracted anyone. And therefore I don't think Ive attracted anyone ever. Maybe once.. and that was all.... Maybe twice; I dont know.
Im working with the universe; Im scared; Im really afraid theirs not one out their the universe will bring me. And I don't know how to prepare for who the universe is bringing me; and I have to prepare; but I don't now how or what or where; And the universe doesn't seem to be giving me any signs and it makes me feel like Ill be passed over concerning women; Ill die alone with out ever having a relationship; I have this feeling that the universe cant match me up; cant match someone to me; like Im so different Im from another tribe. I don't know what to do; I hate this; I hate all of it. I don't get it; I don't understand.
I understand that I have to be matched up with the right women. but why the hell is this so hard; I mean seriously. I don't get it.
I wanted to have a family; start one. I guess the universe doesn't want me to; Who's side is the universe on.
I don't now how to get back to a point of being in perfect human shape; mentally and physically. Im not appreciated by anyone.... So; I have to go where I can be appreciated and I can appreciate people. I dont know; Ive never known; all my life; the universe has to bring me people that want to be near me...
I have to go where the right people are; I dont know who or what that is; Im going to start writing stories about it and see what opens up in my imagination!
Ive never seen anything like this; However, technically, Ive never been around the right people to date; not yet. So; the next venture is attracting the right people; The wrong ones dont count.....
Im not getting any signals from the universe concerning women; nothing; zero..... I guess this means theirs no one for me; Ill die alone? really? really? seriously? No one........ Nothing. thats the way it looks; it looks empty in my imagination; completely empty; I can feel it; its devoid of any presence in that spot where a wife would be. Nothing is in my imagination; nothing. When I attempt to put someone in their with in my imagination; I get nothing. ITs a void.... I dont feel anything....
Where can I go; more importantly; when is the universe going to bring me people that are attracted to me that I am attracting??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
And this goes on n on n on n on n on...............

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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