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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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Women and sex and relationships!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:31 am

When o when will this strangle hold on my abilities with women stop; when will it stop!

I understand a specific aspect of dissociative disorder; I can believe that the rest of the world is against me; and Im not budging until better people show up! Yet, no one better ever shows up! Im still to scared to interact! AVPD!
The point is; I stop in defense before going out with anyone! its possible I need to be around more educated people; this might help! Im on the verge of being ready for something like this; being around educated people! However, this is a huge move forward; am I ready for this?

I have deep set core defenses; man, they are getting in the way! I cant go out with anyone! or Im not willing to take a chance into the unknown with people I don't know! meaning, does she like me or not! Im scared to ask and find out!

My confidence is low; and the women Im around do not understand this! They seem to have no understanding of anything with depth; things like dissociative disorder! However, this seems strange! yet?

Im not sure who to date! Im not sure where they are! Im not sure! Its my next move; move into the right arena! How old of women should I date! this is another problem! As I get older you don't know!

Im to scared to ask anyone out! The women Im around; they are to murky!

Im Still a victim; I'm getting better!

I have a real problem with women I cant trust! So; its possible I need better women to associate with! Its strange to say this! I can see myself saying women need better men to associate with! However, when saying this about women; I feel selfish!

Im at the point of braking free!

Im in the cocoon stage of my recovery process! This means Ive been in the beginning sphere and as a caterpillar, I am now in the transformation stage; Ive gathered enough information! And as I transform; Im heading to the flying machine stage, where I will fly around and be myself again; free!

This is a time of mental thinking changes! Im using techniques to disintegrate negative thinking! this means Im breaking up negative PTSD thoughts and replacing them with new thoughts! So; my mind is in training! Im looking forward to getting better and getting back to being myself and not so freaked out around others!

I've been a dissociative nut case for most of my adult life! Im looking forward to some freedom!
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Sex and women; I have the negative defensiveness about women and for women; Im afraid Im not enough, or not good enough! massive negative; regardless of whether they are attracted to me! doesn't seem to matter; add with this sexual disfunction of an insecure and immature nature; and things are bad in this area! I need to be safe and Im very intolerable! Im trying to get over this and want women back into my life!

I do not feel safe around women! Im afraid I wont be understood and laughed at!

Im not sure what to look for in women; meaning education level! I don't know!

Im not able to ask anyone out in a normal fashion! Im slowly heading toward this sanity!

I get scared of asking women out; I go passive and I hold things against the women Im interested in; I assume she hasn't a clue about my problems or the depth to underhand or care! I like her because she is cute and sexy!

The idea of finding someone with the personality Im interested in; this had not crossed my mind! to much intolerance and pain! However, Im heading in the direction! This area is warped and needs much work!

Women; Ive had a problem with being interested in women but cant interact! They seem interested; when it comes time to walk over talk or shake their hands! a strange thing happens! their body language has changed; the demeanor of the women has changed! She is acting like she is with the guy next to her! or she shows up with another guy the exact moment Im thinking about getting up and starting the process of knowing her! and this has happened many times! ITs as if Im attracting the wrong women! A friend told me to try for higher standards and stay away from these wicked people; find some decent people!

One problem; Im gapped between my dissociative condition and the real world! A gap resides between me and the world Im intreated in! Im a recluse! I go to 12 step meetings and come home! I dont have a social life! However, in defense, I was completely disabled from dissociative disorder so; this would be the first time I attempt to go beyond! I have to give myself a brake!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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