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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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women and PTSD violence

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:24 am

I have a severe condition with long term PTSD; Cptsd! This causes extreme violence! A violence at the level of death/life! A women cant fix this! she cant " love me until I can love myself" " she's going to " fix me" This wont be fixed! This cant be fixed by someones good intensions! its a mental illness! Im broken with dissociative disorder! Extreme violence occurs by constant interacts with someone; Someone that is physically constantly in my space or coming at me physically; its the physical movements; it triggers the dissociative PTSd levels; and that is pure death level violence! I will attack or act out violently because Im sick! I do not control it! My mind is taken over by the other me! The survival me! Im in a difference worlds; different space!
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Women cant fix this; and they've done nothing wrong! I cant let anyone get near me! And their love cant fix this! " If I find the right women; she will understand me"; wont fix this! nothing will!
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Can I be in a relationship with a women; I didnt think so! not possible; why try! Cant be in a relationship! Why would a women want to be in a relationship with someone like this! Can't; She would get nothing out of it! she would try and try and try to fix me and finally realize she's getting nothing out of the relationship! SHes getting nowhere!
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Sex; sure; I could have thousands of women for sex; but those relationships last for 24 hours! and then your done! So, I have numerous 24 hour relationships! Why? Maybe its a place to start! I don't know!
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Possibly, what am I scared of! Starting relationships as a pTSD person! accepting my PTSD problems and being in a relationship! is that possible!
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24 hour relationships is frustrating!
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Even with music and art or writing; if I get to involved or to close to it; I start to loose it or go nuts; if I get to emotionally involved! I stop! I get stopped I cant go any further; I loose track of reality! I start going dissociative!
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I cant even have a normal fist fight; Ill end up killing their entire family! Ill burn them alive!
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And yet; For some strange reason; I keep thinking a women could still love me! And I think her love could save me; save the part of me that needs to be loved!
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I want to be loved! I have no idea how a women could get involved with me! Why would she! what could she possibly get from it!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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