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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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women and intimidation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:50 pm

Possibly intimidation comes from several areas;

1. The girl is waiting for me as a man! and wont allow any other personality! if Im not going to take full responsibility for her, then Im not accepted. Im trained by her to get attention only when I show Im a full man that can standup for myself! This sounds good, but in the real world, this is f@cking retarded.
I need to be accepted for who I am , not who others want me to be or think I am. If someone would look deeper, they would find that I have faced 100 times the amount of pain and horror a normal man has ever dealt with! But, they are never going to go that deep! if they went that deep, they would have to take responsibility for what they find! and that is not the nature of this manipulative game they are playing!

2. Being stared at; I have dissociative disorder; the last thing I need or can stand is to look at someone in the eyes! I do not want someone probing in my soul. My soul is my business. I only want someone in my soul that proves themselves first!

Its hard when someone is trying to stare me down and look inside me! I whisk away! I don't stick round! I leave!

Its hard dealing with aggressive personalities. I want to leave! I don't want to stick a round!

I don't want to fight back, I want to run! I don't want the trouble! fighting is a confusing thing!

I have women who think they are running me over! They are out of line; that is the problem! They are not my friends! I have to get to the point of asking them to leave my personal space!


3. projecting; I have this problem; Im 52 and I think Im 19! so I walk into a place as if Im a superstar or celeb! Im not seeing what others are seeing.

Once, a story was created about the king who had no clothing! He walked around naked, but no one told him because he was the king. No one dare tell the king anything or it was off-with-the-head.

The king was told of his beautiful clothing! In reality he was naked! Yet, he had his eyes in the sky and thought he was all Gods! He thought he was perfection!

When the kind walked bolding outside, although the people were shocked. The people bowed and told him he looked magnificent in his new clothing. He walked around the city all day long naked. No one told him otherwise !

The kind thought he was the lion of the city! In reality he was the biggest fool who ever lived!

And I feel the same! I thought I had it going on in others eyes. Nothing could be further from the truth!

-----------------------------------------------

So, Im practicing again at the meetings; ITs not perfect. Its horrible.. ITs so demeaning against my ego! It really flattens me out to nothing. Im taking big chances with other people!

Ive been practicing push pull! a very crude form, but Im doing it! Here is an example of push pull!

To the girl; " hey, Your my wife!" " I want a divorce! She laughs, " But I want to come back and visit and do other things!" She laughs again!

and this is hard on dissociative disorder at close range; so is rejection! Its brutal; but Im doing it.

The key is; you must practice on women! and Im practicing on women.

I have to look up more stuff, more examples of push pull!

---------------------

When Im interacting with people, I have high anxiety that throws me off! I have no confidence, and Im extremely needy! its part of the help signal from the anxiety levels! I still practice on women!

Practice is the only way to get good with women! regardless of perceived rejection. It matters not, but it does scare the hell out of ya.

You think your going to get a big response. Instead, get a glance or less. The person might think you a fool no matter what you try! It hurts, its traumatizing; its practice!

Im not quit skilled enough! Im not ready to be quick about moving on from one person to another! Its all very difficult.

Its all practice!

I have to study more! ITs so hard; Your afraid people will find out your nothing, but good at charming people! Its f#cking nightmare horrible! I have to tell people the truth along with the charm! and this takes me back into PTSD land...

Everything gets triggered from my past when I start getting close to people. When I get close to people, I start remembering! I start remembering the past! all the details and time periods. All stuff that is gone now! all that I loved. And it was all taken from me by sociopaths. And I never ever really got to go home ever again.

And I am trying to bridge these 2 worlds together..


Women at meetings;

The one girl that liked me is with the other guy! but this girl comes up to me to do some business. She has low self image and esteem! It looks like she likes me still.. but when Im talking at the meetings, she just gets up and leaves again and again and again! Leaves as if what I have to say means nothing!

And they can be 2 faced bitches... and seem to be!

2 faced people are not healthy to be around! They might like you as they're dating someone else! You might think they are safe, then they pull something new on you; no conscious!

This last girl led me on as if she wanted attention. I thought I was finishing up what had been started earlier that year. Not so! She secretly was going out with someone else the whole time and saying nothing up front to anyone. And she tried numerous times to get a hug or get attention. I never bought into it. It seemed strange to me that she would be switching on me to the friend zone! it did not make sense! I pulled away from her and never talked to her again!

She was playing me and is still playing me! 2 faced and strange.. Self centered and self seeking!

Ive preyed about her; God tells me its about her not bowing down to God, that is the problem. I am to stay away! not take any interest; never get near her again! and I would be better off. I need to follow Gods suggestions! I can feel God!

The idea is to be able walk up to someone and tap them on the shoulder and start a value based conversation! Something enriched for them.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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