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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Women and intimidation 2

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Sep 23, 2014 9:02 pm

I hate being played! and I hate getting caught up in not having options...

There is a specific kind of girl I chase after like a stalker! I never really chase after her, I just want her because she has all the guys wanting her! and I feel its demoralizing to be apart of that!

In high school, there was the girl that always had you as a friend on a string! but you were never good enough to date her; she made that clear! and I don't want to get caught up with someone like that now!

or, I want to, desperately seem to need that kind of thing but don't want to admit it! I don't feel good enough for it! or for someone who commands it! Its a game for game players.

I finally ask the person out just to find they have a long term boy friend! and always have. They like playing people! once they are done with me, they move on to someone else! social climbers that use people for fun! I hate the creeps. yet, Im attracted to the women social climbers! its the ego in me! and I don't know how to shut it off.

Im in love with myself instead of love myself! and Im looking for the same kind of people; and that is dangerous, Im looking for trouble and self mutilation!; mastication.

I have lots of resentments surrounding these social ladder problems. I am not attracting anyone! I just think I am!

example; I know this fat ugly girl; she has no business talking and thinking every guy wants her! she is way over weight, it is sickening to listen to her! she makes a fool out of herself every time she opens her big mouth! its horrible and laughable. and its no different for me!

I open my mouth as if Im a big social climber, Im not anything! I can't move, and I have no idea where I would be a social climber! Im trying to wake up as a human being.

What I need; I need to find the right kind of people to associate with! Im getting derailed taking interest in good looking young women that call the shots with any young guy they meet. I don't compete, and those are the girls I want! I want the girls I can't get! and I hate admitting this and being trapped in it! and I am trapped in it!

Im snagged and got to understand the importance of being un snagged. I still think I got a shot at it, when reality tells my I don't; ignorance in action! I think Im good enough! but its not about that! its about the kind of person Im going after or interested in.... they are cute and shallow and a complete waist of time! and I wont let go!

I wont let go; and Im going to make a complete fool out of myself if I don't; and it hurts when I get stung! it sucks! and they are waiting! they can see it in me, and the female hate and contempt is waiting for me to make my slow lazy move from this dream world Im in! from dream world to being slapped, thats the best way to describe this! Help!

The girl wants a secret boyfriend and followers everywhere else! and Im not interested in following some one! I want no part of it!>

But I find myself wanting it! and hoping; it pulls on my weakness and this bugs me! this is not the approach! and most of these girls have boyfriends all the time! they never tell you! they just look around for fools to play! will I be one of them;’ or will I learn my lesson that I don’t have a shot at it and never did!

I feel entitled! and I have to come back to reality!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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