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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- January 2021
The social; or new social begins
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 11:41 pm
I cant be friends with women
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:51 am
friendships... Is that what women wanted?
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 1:30 am
Problems with women I guess? My problems ?
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:44 pm
Stuff about sex; and not allowing sex
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 8:48 pm
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Women and developmental problems and the answers

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:40 pm

Im willing to look for answers these days; Ive got problems with women; getting close to them! One of the problems is; Im not willing to get close to women that are like my mother or sociopaths or man haters; or women that look at men as inferior and try to use their body or looks to seduce a man into possibilities that will come of nothing!~
I seem to be so obsessed with women that are not right for me and women that are missing from my life, I forget about the women that would work in my life; but I don't dare go after them; I might be put down and slapped and laughed at as not being in their league; So where does that leave me; in an interesting situation! I would be the emotional age of 6 years old; and this tells you what I think of most women; What type of women would want to harm the 6 year old in me; I certainly would not want to marry anyone like this or be a father to their children in a family setting!
I have a problem; and Im starting to let go of the idea that my parents have to show up and fix this adolescence dysfunction; This DTD or CPTSD situation! once I know who to blame or not blame, I can get started; I get started when I no longer spend my time on who is to blame; instead, take responsibility and go look for a solution for myself!
Im on a journey of how to start over, start from the beginning with women! I did OK in second grade; However, I still see my mothers face over everything; and that is a problem! This tells me the abuse an or neglect was in full swing when a young boy!
What am I looking for; Im looking to take full responsibility and then asses what I need to do about this women situation: developmental problem situation.

As I said or wrote above; the first question that appears in my mind; " who did this to me, where do I go for help"; the answer, I don't care anymore! This problem is inside of me, no one else; and I don't want to believe that I have to bring psychopaths from the past, back in to my life in order to help me with developmental dysfunction.
The idea is to complete take responsibility for what is going on in my body, and " I" look for answers; not think or give a thought or value to anyone else directing this journey! This is my journey! Ill ask for when if I can when I can; its more about discovery! " What is causing my fear of being close to women".
I can feel it; i feel like Im 7 or 6 year old! thats part of the problem; someone at this age is not interested in women; what am I interested in; possibly, the lack of development of these ages is causing problems with later ages; if Im not developed at 6, I cant move on to deal with what happened to me at age 9 or 10.
Again, the freedom will be when I don't need or think I have to take this to any other person! I can go down my journey myself!
I see my fathers face or my mothers face or my best friend at the time; I see their faces pop into my head as if they must be with me " here now" to fix any of this!
I know Im not old enough; that is part of the problem when dealing with women; I feel a few years off; or to young; as if I never got to express myself at a younger age before I meet women. So, thats what it seems like; I feel like I have to learn how to have friends first. maybe not; might go faster!
As Im writing, Im thinking of a young women who sits in one of my meetings. She's really good looking to me, and Im to scared to approach here; and I don't know if its OK to approach her; I know Im scared of her! Her looks intimidate me! being laughed at scares me! but what would happen if I asked her out! I mean, if I had more maturity I would! What kind of maturity is it to ask her out; its a kind of " man on his feet" majority! And non of this was developed; non of it!
So, I have many years of non development and pain associated with those who were suppose to develop me! now, as I work with God to unfold pathways toward my goals; Im seeing that I don't need anyone from the past showing up to help me; I can help myself with this problem! The ability to " get over" the past and help myself; that is the number one goal!
Sexual abuse also plays a role in it!
Im seeing that women in my twelve step groups cant really help me! its to close and beyond them and they are just people in a 12 step group; they are trained professionals! This can be misleading; to blame women in general for not helping; men have a tendency to do this; call all women worthless because they will not show up and help me with my issues! However, Im starting to see things differently! its really not about " women"; its about my personal problems that I need to get in touch with and look for answers; or work with God source energy to unfold pathways to uncovering the mystery of why I cant get close to women; whats the dissociation!
Finding the right women! one problem has been; I have to start out with the right type of women around me; I cant allow myself around general generic normal women; they are not the type to be brought into this sensitive situation; better that I find safe people first to deal with, or have God have them show up! and again, stop blaming women or others because I must or have to go through this journey; that is my biggest goal; to stop blaming people for this, and get on with the journey; focus on that!
Because of the nature of these problems; women in general are overwhelming for me! I dont want them up in my face! its to much; I never wanted them near me in the first place, only the ones I would screen first as friends! but I dont know how to have friends; so, here is another problem!
So, after writing I see another problem; I dont have any friendship development ability either; this got destroyed out of me or possibly never started! and this might be the bigger problem! In fact, I can feel it; it feels like the missing link; how to be friends, who to be friends with!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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