IVe figured a few things out; but the problem with women are not figured out yet; its like a desert Ive not explored yet; maybe I dont want to know the answers; I dont know. Ive got more to open up about. possibly I need to be around people I feel safe with. The problem with women has been feeling safe around them and trusting them; trusting them and having women that respect me; if those 2 areas are not intact; forget it; I have no interest in them; nothing.
.
So; it could be; I need to find or attract the right kind of women I guess. Maybe Im not around the right women or Im afraid they will find out Im not the kind of man they want to be around because Im lazy and havent done anything with my life. Or; Im scared to be scared because Im to lazy for all of this or to lazy to let women in to see any of this in the first place. Not sure.
.
Ill work on this.
.
I have to go inward with women and meet new women and be on my feet in new social events... around new people and new women and many things to have a life back and go after things...
.
.
The key is to manifest what I want; I have to visualize; Ive gotten close. I mean; Ive visualized perfection; Perfection accept one thing; she had the right soul sensitivity; she had the right sounding values; she was reaching out to God and working in a church setting kind off... She was in a program learning about God.... She was trying to make changes in her life. She got as close to me physically as could be permitted under the situations; but a few problems arise. First, Im never really alone with her; Altho Im able to ask her out and to sit down with me and talk; and she flirts with me and is interested in me; she physically seems; Ive sat with her twice and talked. The next time I see her; she kind of writes me off as a fool; as if I have no value or status... She started doing this months earlier. She tried to get my attention before that; I could not respond because of my dissociative disorder.
.
Next; on the boat; she is very close to me physically; but I already have things against her; in other words; she seems 2 faced; but she does seem innocent in her body language as she tries to get physically close to me. But Im not buying it; forget it; The problem is; 4 other guys on the boat with another few women on the boat and I dont think I was the center of her attention; she was giving attention to other guys as well; and that is the most brutal of red flags for me; its over right then; and I mean; three strikes your out. I clammed up. I never did come out of it for the rest of the camping trip. latter at a meeting in a few days I see her again; this time I give her no attention nothing; zero; as if I had never met her.
.
And I dont think she cared. I remember her saying something about not being treated right; like others that were suppose to get close to her chose to stay away from her; but somehow; that wasn't about me; I wasn't even important enough to mention. Im trying to make a point. In my fantasies Im important to her; I think God has brought her to me; but way to many confusing red flags. So; I end up getting an experience that leads me closer to the center of my self; alignment...
.
The point is; Character; values; Something like that; the lack of character; being 2 faced; and before not taking me seriously as someone with status? I wanted to be someone with status; I guess Im not. But if she thinks that; why should I bother with her; is this really someone God is bringing me or is this my ego.....
.
As for manifesting a wife; Im getting extremely close to creating what I want; but one problem.
.
RELATIONSHIP;
Ive manifested what they look like; their temperament; their religious background and their perceived value system or spirituality; This does not mean they have much of these values yet or spirituality. But I left something out;
.
What does a relationship look like with this person; feel like. What does it look like to be with someone that trusts me and I trust her; what does it feel like to feel safe around her and her trust me; and her respect me; what does that feel and look like. I mentioned the 2 faced behavior; In a relationship; I could not stand that kind of disrespect; Id have nothing to do with her. Some wouldn't care at all; they would be less sensitive than i.
.
I got this message from God; " God removes people from your life Because he heard conversations you didnt hear". Thus; 2 faced..... one more concept of it....
.
.
.
So; what doest a " relationship" look like on a daily basis with a future girlfriend. What are we like with each other; what are we doing; what feels right; what kind of girl do I want in a relationship; how do we see and treat each other; feel around each other; close; adorable. kind; sensitive; Im saving her and loving her and giving her love; she's intelligent and sensitive. We watch Star Trek together; what are the inner things we hit on with each other; now is the Time to find the frequency that matches mine.
Ive found many other things; meaning; the universe has brought me women of the nature I seek; to a tee. However, Ive not looked at manifesting a relationship a relationship with them; only getting physically up close and personal with them; and Ive done it; Ive created situations that are just before you ask them out or date them; right up next to it.
.
Relationship; inner workings; day to day; how we get along; are we compatible; and what does compatible mean; what are the traits; thats what I have to manifest next.
.
What does it look like and feel like to be with someone I fully trust and respect and she trusts me and respect me...