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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

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Women and dating

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jan 25, 2020 4:44 pm

Dating is about coming up to speed.
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Im not up to speed; Im nowhere near the quality right now to do much of anything; but I get it. And I can see what I want and what was taken from me and where Im going; the journey; and Im on that journey. Right now; Im fixating on the starting point of that journey; and that will be the beginning; and the beginning of life; the original expression of innocence and life; that is where I start; ground zero. and from their; I express myself outward in imagination; and from their; the next step. And so; I allow myself; my mind to wonder to the next step; What is the next step; and no controlling it; let it go... where will it land.
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Here is an example of being at the beginning and going the next step...
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Lets say I throw the foot ball with my friends in the backyard of my house as a boy. And then I meditate on this; then what happens. What is the next step; suddenly In my imagination Im lost and it's dark. Suddenly Im in the unknown. and if I hang on; new thoughts come to me. I see myself throwing the football in the park... I see myself throwing the football with others; new people; older people; and the football is thrown further; and Ive met new friends and a team forms; Now Im playing football on a team.
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In order to move from one area; where Im at; to a new area in my imagination; I must meditate; and allow the boat to go down the energy river and tie my hands up and stay out of it; just float down the river; dont control anything.... nothing; stay out of it. let it float until it meanders and docks itself on the shore. and when it does; Ill look around and get out of the boat; and see what is their... and start another life experience...
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So; Im at this place of being back in nursery school; re experiencing it; and then looking up in the middle of the play ground in the backyard. Looking up with my hands in the air and just letting go; and allowing my energy to flow upward; and then what! Whats the next area I land on....
.
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And it is this journey of allowing to the next landing point; I will be blind for a while; while I make my way through the dark; and then the light will return and I will land on a new planet somewhere and a new destination... and start a new life experience.. and that is what Im working on; staying out of the way; the control.
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Im getting somewhere doing this. hopefully to fill in the gaps to retrain my mind to only what I want to see and head it in the direction I want; with no other thoughts creeping in....
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I can see a future in this... I can see me changing. I becoming myself again with purpose and direction... And I see it.
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Ive got a hurdle I must explore right now and walk through or face; Ill get their; lots of grieving and pain in this; Ill come up to speed in this thing; that is what Im working on...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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