September 2025
August 2025
Blog;
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SO; Where am I now.
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Im now at that time of learning how to trust God in the vortex for what I want…
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Im interested in a guitar and a girlfriend.
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Ill be going to God.
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Ill be bowing to God. The goal is to get right within God; in the vortex of God; and put God in Gods right place as head of the universe; a sovereign place and I; within the safety of that sovereign state… I bow before God and ask for help… And their it is.
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And I reach out to God for help because because I can go no further; the rest is a lie; its a lie if I say I can; I cant; Im finished; thats as far as my development goes; from their; Ill have to turn to God. Ill have to reach out to God for help if I want more then I can created for myself.
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Its very much like Im a 12 or 10 or 9 year old in an adult world. As a 9 year old; In an imaginary world in my head I fantasize ; maybe I can function somewhat in my head; in my imaginary world; but not in the real world I fall far short. thus I cannot function in the real world; maybe I can with GOds help; I don’t trust God; or anything or anyone; and no one cares that Im dead or alive; Nothing. So; Ive been lost for most of my life if not all of it. Somehow GOd has brought me back to the right passage way... So; Ive been beat up from the street up many times. THe problem is; Ive never gotten much past getting back on the trail. I mean; I havent gotten past 1st grade in life; and Ive never really had more then a 1st grader. Ive never trusted enough to ever have anything...
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I have to turn to God. How will I do this; how willing am I to do this; how long will I do this; attempt this; how bad do I need this or want this; what extent will I go to get right with God; meaning aligned with God on this subject where I admit God has the power and I don’t; and I need Gods help. Gods will not mine. My interest in finding GOd and working with God number one focus. Putting my priories in tuned with reality. That means; GOd is the power; I work through God to have all things done first. I imagine; then I ask God for help; I wait upon God and learn to believe; and according to my belief; God delivers.. ANd according to how much I believe God will and can help me; God is on my side; the universe is on my side; its not my enemy; How much I believe I can work with the universe for help; This will mean the difference of obtaining a GOd life through God or not. Rules. Universal rules. How much am I willing to work with God on believing; meaning being instructed by God to learn to trust God and believe. Am I willing to allow the universe to be my teacher to help me; to teach me how to believe God or under God. How do I believe universe. Am I really ready this time to put out the sacrifice to believe; To put out the commitment. Am I willing to work with God on this willingness; to believe in believing and asking God to help me believe in myself; teaching me how to believe in myself... Teaching me how to work on belief... work on trusting myself; building that trust in myself that I will not forfeit God... but that I will work with God so I can learn to stick-it-out with God; to hang in their; not quit... But instead seek God at those moments and work with God on those moments; strengthening them; Believing in the ability for me to turn to God for help to learn how to believe.
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NOTE: Not turning to the many addictions and diversions of the world; turning them into Gods and Goddesses…
My goal is to learn to work with God and believe; not drop out…
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I have to learn to reach out to God first and complete the work with God first; getting in with God; Getting right with God. Co creating with God universe.
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God has the answers; the problem is; I cant access God because Im to scared to trust God; So; I must take this issue to God and work with God on this issue. And stop giving God time limits or impossible choices to help me; when I do that; Im really telling God I have no interest in God at all.
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I have to work with God on my beliefs.
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The idea is to take whats created in my imagination; take it into the vortex of God and give it to God to manifest.. And I stay out of it completely.
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That is my first and only assignment.
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What Im learning; God shines his light on me when I say this; God; take all of me; mold me in your ways and your pathways. Make me into what it will be to match what you want to offer me and are trying to give me. Align me into the kind of person that is an aligned match of what your want best for me. Ill give you everything God; all of me; as far as I can stretch my arms forward; but then you will have to rescue me God for that is as far as I can go… From their I need your help God; I am asking for your help God. Amen… Please take all of me and mold me into what you want to God… So I can become who I am suppose to become to match what you are trying to give me.
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NOTE: Within this process is a whole world of trust I have to learn toward God; Ive got all kinds of issues trusting God; So; How bad do I want it. If I want it bad enough; Answers will come.
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I have to want it bad enough to keep at the work of such things; work leading toward the communication with God. I have to work my way into a new way of thinking; and this means a new trust for God. This will take much work.
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So; Ill pray on how this can happen. How can this happen under God.
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It is not enough for me just to know God; I WANT THINGS; Im doing this to get my life back. Becoming a saintly monk was never the idea; I want a house wife car money; new guitar; careers or what ever I want; vacations; I want to live; Im not doing this for nothing.
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Im cut off from the world and ever attempt to try to get back into the world is cut off by the people in the world. Im cut off by them; so I just walk off. I have no power with them or against them.. Nothing. I cant anywhere. No one takes me seriously; No women of any value approach me; meaning; find me attractive or are interested in me.
Instead of getting mad; Im simply taking my goals to God and getting to know God; I will bow before God and ask God for help; and allow God to supply the people and places and things.
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All I ever wanted was to marry the “ Girl next door”. I realized; their were no more girls next door; those girls were corrupted long before I met them.
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Today I don’t try to attract anyone; I work with God and let God bring the right ones… Trust is the number one key… Nothing more…
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Today at the store; someone approached me down an isle; I kind of ran into them. And So we walked down the isle together just for a moment; but I could feel it; I mean; This was not a friend. This was not someone I trusted; I didn’t trust them because they never proved any trust. I didn’t really want to walk anywhere with them. I want people around me that are trust worthy. People who see my value and worth. I don’t want to be around people like the person I saw at the store; they are not my friends… they are simply acting. And acting friendly; I cant read anything correct.
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Once getting rid of the actors who come in go; who am I left with; NO ONE. What Can I do about this; Sure; I can get mad at this and blame the world; Or; I learn to go to the power source; the Universe; the God in the universe and get direction. How do I proceed in order to have the kind of life I want. What do I have to do God.
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NOTE: One of my goals is to let the human race off the hook; meaning; stop blaming anyone anymore; meaning those people who were fake friends or friendly but no friends. Or actor; 2 faced or what ever. Stop even thinking about them and focus on what I want in my imagination and how to send that signal to God and work with God.
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NOTE: I have to learn how to work with God and not give up; That means learning how to trust myself; Thats all part of it. I couldn’t trust myself; Thats what has destroyed much of my life; I gave up trusting that I could ever find anything good or anyone that was safe for me to be around; I gave up on it… I gave up on it when I was a little kid; I gave up; I give up. I wondered off and never came back…
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So; today I want to come back; but I have to work with God first; and thats where I have a problem.
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I cant say it any better. I have to learn how to have faith and trust; and I can start with God on that…
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Sure I know all about what happened to me when young; why I shouldn’t trust God… I know.
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Today; desperation leads me on. Im no longer fighting the rules or interested in fighting the rules; if the universal rules and God say I have to become a better man to get what I want; so be it; Ill work with God to become what I have to become that I can make it to the higher levels of the apple tree so I can pick better apples that will give me a much better life.
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Ive spent my life on the bottom of the barrel not realizing; Im just repeating the same low level frustration as I wonder from one end of the barrel to the other. The problem is; no matter where I go or what kind of human being I am; I always at the lowest level frequency and always attracting those things at that low level.
NOTE: This is not to be confused with the idea of broken people vs none broken people. Meaning broken people are at the bottom of the barrel vs regular people who are not. Am I saying this right; Ill say this in another way that makes more sense…
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First; I thought the broken people; Nice people; sensitive people; were forced to the bottom of the barrel or at the bottom of the barrel; Thus; I told myself; real comrades are at the bottom of the barrel. NOT SO!
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Good people; Including myself are at the higher rungs of the apple tree.. We are not bad people; we may be confused people hanging out at the bottom of the barrel for confusing conflicting reasons; But who do we meet; psychopaths, criminals, predators, con artists; Godless; Satanists…
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Im a broken sensitive person of value. Im at the higher rungs of the apple tree; not the lower levels. Im a victim.
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I had this idea I wanted to meet lowly people; “ I got friends in low places”. I thought that meant cool people who would understand me; relative to spoiled middle of the road adult kids; who I had nothing in common with.
Well. I was completely wrong. Living at the bottom of the barrel is a no win situation. Its like being a beach bum. It sounds good on paper. At least it did when I was a kid. But in the end; all one has is a bum. And being a bum; after awhile; It does not get me anything; nor do I get anywhere. And I may have to learn that the hard way.
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When I was homeless years ago. I was mentally ill. I remember when it started snowing and I was living in this old car; it had no gas. I turned on the engine to keep the heater going… but would run out of gas. I remember being at the dead end of a street. Ill never forget how that felt; being completely dead ended in life at that moment in time. No future their.. Nothing; no survival; nothing. Dead end…
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Rules exist in the universe; one rule; I must turn to that which has power; I do not have power; if I want power I don’t to that that has power; and the universe has power; God is the universe; God has power. For me its Sunny Jesus… Holy spirit; And Gods Angels that protect me; his army…
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I must created a relationship with God; that power. I use my imagination to imagine what I want and then take it to God. And work with God. Allowing God to have it; I give it from me to God and learn to trust. And then wait upon God. Meaning; Its Gods will not mine. Their is no other will; there is only the will of that entity with power; and that is the universe. I tap into that power through prayer and meditation and writing new narratives of what I want as if Ive already Got them… as if its already happened.
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NOTE: one thing missing. I never trusted enough to become the level of person that would attract the right life; Instead I kept it safe and stayed to myself. Thus; I never attracted anything to me.
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So; today its about taking chances; working with God to learn how to attract things; Im right at the beginning; Ive been to scared to attract anything into my life; I don’t want to be destroyed like when young; So; I must work with God on these things. And work with God on learning about trusting God and how to do that with God first.
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Im actually talking about how to dance with God… Learning how to trust God and do the dance… Learning to interact with God… Trust…
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God take all of me. Your will god not mine amen.
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SO;
Girlfriends and Guitars… That is the goal…
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