Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Where am at right now.

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

Im in a strange cross roads; but Im not in the middle anymore.
.
In the 12 step meetings; Im starting to talk about what I want to do right now; who I want to be right now. What would make me happy right now.
.
Im working with the universe; Ive found; as much as I don't like it; the fact that Im having to rebuild my life from the ground up with no ones help accept the universe; this is hard... I have to use my imagination with the universe help to see and create pathways to where I want to be. I have to discover them through work.
.
I write allot of stories to rebuild my life and Im going to have to keep building more stories to rebuild my life. This is taking the place of the old life that was taken from me.
.
I learned a lesson from some of my writings. I learned that when I was abandon; I no longer cared anymore about myself and who I associated with; and thats when I started having problems; the people I associated with could not love me correctly because they did not have the capacity to love anything or care.
.
Ive learned that I must be discerning of who I associate with. And this has been a major problem of my life. The people I associate with don't specifically like me; they might be using me and don't want me around.
.
I would rather be around thugs then be alone; However, I've changed my mind; I would rather be alone and work with the universe then be around thugs... And I have to learn this the hard way.
.
I thought I could hang around anyone; it didn't work; I was not respected by everyone. and Ive found out the hard way; its a humiliating situation. I don't like myself because I was thrown away so anyone can come into my space; it doesn't matter. Well; this wont work.
.
I have to pull back and only be around the people of high level and value I'm interested in. Also, I cant be around people because they will give me attention; thats not enough reason to let strangers into my life that have no value for me; and Ive felt the back lash of this as well. Im learning. I thought i could get something for free; but it did not happen. I wanted to see everyone at an intimate personal level because I wanted a family or needed a family so I wanted to make everyone my family; and it does not work that way. The alternative is what I have to learn; its hard but worth it. I cant sell my goods to everyone; only those with the proper credentials. Im learning its hard. its been easy to throw myself on people; but in the end it has been a hardening experience that has left me dry and broken. If I hold back and decide what I want; who do I want to associate with. who? and learn to wait for it; and work toward it with the universes help; do things in an enriched fashion; I might get somewhere; Im going to have to work for it; its not free; real people of real value are not free; and Im going to have to work for it; And this is going to take work and restraint. I know what Im worth but did not believe I had what it takes to be me again with its requirements. I felt the requirements were to high; I didnt have it in me. What I didnt realize; I didnt have a choice. I can be no less then who I am; I can be around everyone. I have to be around those I relate with.
.
I got mad at the world and did not trust higher level people anymore; goal oriented white collar people with money or educations. So, I tried the people of the lower levels; and that didnt work either. So; Now Im understanding that I have to hold out for the right type of people to associate with. And I must be at places where these people gather.... And nothing less.
.
Im not suggeting fake people that look the part are of interest. Im talking about real people.
.
When I see a group of people and I want to bust into it and be part of; I must stop and realize; I cant just go bust into groups of any kind; I must ask; who or what are they. Whats my group... what am I looking for and what am I not looking for.
.
Im lonely; and this has dictated who I Associate with; and a lack of money and a lack of a life. So; I would take anyone that came along; I didn't care.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 4719 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, kushkohad, PrimePossum