Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1019)
Archives
- October 2019
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

What people think of me..!!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Dec 11, 2011 10:52 pm

Sometimes its better to get attention, even from abusive people then to be alone. Thats what Im working on looking at... It used to be that way years ago. Its better now. Im slowly learning to walk away.. And abuse can be subtle and very under the table quite.

Ive heard it said " what people think of me is none of my business". I would agree. However, they make it really hard to leave me be that I may not care about what they think of me. Or they would like me to notice if they are thinking about me,. Control by others is a fascinating thing. They will try anything to get noticed, noticed by my eyes, noticed by my hearing.. they will walk into my presence to get noticed. noticed for their pleasure,. not mine. This can be very hard on me when I all I am trying to do is get recovery. Im not in need to be noticed as much. Id rather be accepted and loved and have real people that I can feel safe around. I don't trust people with the characteristics that I just mentioned above. Yet, I seem to attract them. The zombies are everywhere and their not very smart. Yet, now that I think about it, Neither am I if Im allowing them into my personal space, My eye space and my head space.

So,

Im the victim that is allowing all of this.. Kinda, sorta, maybe,.,?

The problem is , I want to be loved and accepted and treated fairly. I want to be saved, tak'n care of. I want friends that I can trust and be safe around. I forget that although Im needy, theirs only a few out of the group that I may relate with me. Others are smiling and happy, this doesn't make them friend material for me. I may need to be around select people that I may feel safe.

I send out " Im a victim , please save me signals". This attracts every opportunist predator out of the group. They are looking to get theirs at my expense, then I turn around and blame them for being attracted to me. I was calling them over because of my body language and who knows what else.

Its hard. Hard to say no to people that want to give me attention. The child in me wants to go play with them.. The adult cant allow it. The adult realizes the people I want to play with are sick and they are not playing with me for honest reasons, deep down they are haters that want to get back at the world. Hurt people that are trying to get their pain justified. This is the last type of person I need in my life at the present. Im way to sensitive for that. I am stupid when it comes to people. I think we are all 12 years old, and we all want to go out and play marbles in the grass. Wrong. will I ever learn. Im learning. Learning to let go of the childhood fantasy bond. At least the part that is not working anymore.

The PTSD blinds me and keeps me from responding when I need to to keep these people away, and screen or filter the right people in. Its all hard work. ITs worth it. ITs all so confusing..
Last edited by OMNICELL on Mon Dec 12, 2011 3:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 28100 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, AProphet, bejolley2, Bing [Bot], birdsong87, d3xx, ducksback, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Grassweeds, lsll, MSN [Bot], WhyDoIExist, willy31