Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

What makes me happy

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Sep 08, 2017 11:00 pm

What makes me happy?
.
Im at this place of asking the questions; what makes me happy!
.
I feel like someone that is waking up from a surgery; Im in the OR room. I feel like the nurse is asking me; " you are waking up, do you have a ride home"! of course they would have arranged this first before the surgery.
.
Im waking up from mental illness; and the success based teachings are asking what makes me happy. The idea is; If Im practicing what makes me happy now; my vibration level will be higher and Ill attract things at that vibration level.
.
I ask the question; what makes me happy! In the past, anything that would knock me out of reality! addictions, so I could forget; or, death! Death was all I sought after; I thought of nothing else; most of my life, from later childhood and on; death; that is all I wanted; death, death, death!
.
Now, I feel the pain, I mean, I feel it! I feel the desire to not know what I want because Im not sure how to live on planet earth; if i cant have my privacy or freedom; whats the point; if I cant express myself, then whats the point! if I cant be myself and speak out against what I believe in; whats the point! what is the point!
.
Death was all I seek; it is not what I seek now; but Im in the same boat I used to be in; I have no other answers!
.
If you asked me right now; " what makes you happy right now" " could you go do 10 things that make you happy today?" the answer is no! Why?; Im going to find out!
.
In the past It could be that I had no free control over my own life, no money, no happiness, no future, did not see any future in my mind! Could not see how I could be or do anything in this environment! I felt stunned and traumatized and unable to function in this environment! I had no love, I was broken hearted and had nothing! I lost everything I loved! all human things! I had nothing! Death was all I sought!
.
Today; Im not the victim! so, Im asking these questions as a beginning search! I know what I react to; but what makes me happy! what type of environments do I need to be in to be happy! Im not sure! I used to give up and would not ever get close to questions I had no ability to actually create! I was 100 million miles away from ever being happy or believing I could be happy in this country or environment! I just wanted to check out! I would never put myself through the pain and misery of asking myself what made me happy! why bother; id seen enough in this life! whats the point!
.
The point of this essay today; Im now seeking happiness and a bit confused as I wake up! I have not one answer for happiness; its never been on my mind! Ive been 100% mentally ill and seeking relief! relief is the " happiness" I was seeking!
.
Im doing 1000% better then before! Im better now; and can legitimacy claim that the next level of my life is about happiness! or, Im somewhere in between; Im not quit to happiness, but I am! Im their! I am their; Im at that door!
.
I have not thought about it; happiness! what makes me happy; what can I do right now to be happy!
.
So, this is the work that comes next; to understand what really gives me satisfaction!
.
What makes me happy on a daily basis and go do it! so, its up to me to work with source energy and let paths unfold to my happiness on a daily basis!
.
The blocks that used to block me from reality and participating in life are not so big anymore! Im able to become happy; its now up to me to understand this journey to find happiness!

.
Its not that Im feeling massive anxiety or horror or anger or anything; their is some anger and uneasiness; some; but not really! more uncomfortable! Yet, Im OKe; the problem is; I dont have an answer; I have no idea right now; I get off my computer and walk away and go do things right now that make me happy; really?, Im so used to defensive escaping; Im not used to doing anything that and pro active and makes me happy!
.
The problem is; Im literally used to fantasizing or dissociating into other worlds then reality; Im used to going into my mind; that is where I lived! now, I have the ability to begin to live in the real world again; and Im perplexed on what to do; simply because I have no development in this area!
.
So, I will be exploring this idea of " Now happiness"!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 1605 times

Who is online

Registered users: AsexualOcd, Bing [Bot], DaturaInnoxia, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, icecreamvi, justonemoreperson, KingsleyHere, Majestic-12 [Bot], MaryM, Ringil, Squaredonutwheels