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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1145)
- January 2021
The social; or new social begins
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 11:41 pm
I cant be friends with women
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:51 am
friendships... Is that what women wanted?
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 1:30 am
Problems with women I guess? My problems ?
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:44 pm
Stuff about sex; and not allowing sex
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 8:48 pm
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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What am I thinking about!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jul 16, 2017 4:11 pm

What am I thinking about while the world around me tries to manipulate me and take advantage and I fall right into it from the start! I fell into the trap because I wanted to; i wanted someone else to come along and live for me or take or the reigns and do all the work and take care of me; and I assumed it was from God; God sent you to take care of me; to give me love and attention; nothing could have been further from the truth! I got taken by a con artist! or I was the con artist that got taken by a better con artist; a more ruthless one! and I have to ask the question; what am I doing around con artists! And why would I think Im immune to them manipulating me! they were not safe! I didnt care, and I didnt listen! and they sent me a sign to straiten up and take them seriously! and I guess I will! I didnt know who I was dealing with; what love of filth! They sent out their filth signals and I now not the message; but it leaves me baron and desolate and lonely!
Loneliness leads me on; Im desperate for love and attention and it leads me to bad people and bad places; and I find myself trying to make them into good people and good places! I claim God is behind this and its safe; when in reality, God was never behind anything! I was in a room full of vipers!
I don't have allot of personal support; and no one seems to want to play those rolls with me in their lives; However, they like to fool me and make me think they are friendly when their not; and Im falling for it; over n over n over n over n over! I have to wake up! I guess! You've never seen any one fall for it as bad as I do; I actually believe they are friendly people who are on my side! I actually believe these are decent respectable nice people that value me! My O My! Im not sure why would think this! No evidence suggests in the real world that any of these people are nice homey friendly people that have dropped everything to think about me! I wanted to believe I was in my own fantasy and the Universe was taking care of me! And the Universe is taking care of me; but I must get in line with the universe; something went wrong!
Im easy prey!
I have to see my enemies as my enemies; stop making my enemies into my friends; they get real close, and I fall for it! They are charming; I fall for it faster then a fish swallowing bait at the end of rusty hook; you've never seen anyone this naive before! they capture me before I come into the door! I guess its social status with them; they cause real pain! I allowed them to cause real pain and took a chance and thought I was getting away with it; and I was never getting away with it; not with these people! they had me fooled! I thought I had them fooled! they had me fooled from the beginning!
Its insanity to think that problem people will be safe or be different then the day before! Its insane to listen to someone pour out their true self and then once bitten by them because my big fat ego was led on; suddenly, when the trap is sprung; and Im trapped; I blame them as if Im the victim; when they told me who they were! they told me what they were before any of this happened! And why would I believe every word out of their mouth; maybe their were lying he whole time; did not realize they could be lying to me!
When you tell me your a criminal, I assume it means your now a harmless criminal and this is past tense; but why! why would I think its past tense; you never said it was past tense! In fact, I judged you charming nature; and decided you were being nice to me because Im God and you looked up to me! In reality, you had a massive deep mind of your own thinking as you were playing me into the water shed; where you would drawn me!
I thought I was important to you; you gave me all this attention; I thought I was important in your eyes; that I mattered to you; that is because of your charm; and how easy it was for you to apply it; I was so desperate for attention; id take anything you threw out at me! anything; and I thought you knew this! I thought you were a nice person! of course, when were in the equivalent of a bar with drunks; why would I think your a nice person; and this is where it hurts so much! I want with all of my heart; for you to be a nice person, and for me to believe Im in a safe place! but looking at the sign outside the room describing the negative room in words and its content; why would I think its a safe place! Im super man; and nothing in that room can hurt me! well, I got eaten alive, eaten up and thrown out; cape in hand! booted! didnt have a chance!
I desperately want to believe and I desperately want to get my human emotional needs met; and you played into that perfectly with perfect timing; it had my head swimming in all kinds of directions! you used me and led me on. I wanted to be lead on; it felt like I was an emperor being taken care of!
And then I saw it; the door on the outside of the room suggested I was around people that would uses me and lead me on; and you told me you were the type to not care about my problems or anyone else that you would lead people on and use them and move on to other people and could care less! and you told me but I didn't listen to you! I allowed you to get close; I ignored all the warning signs! and this is my problem!
I ignore the warning signs to get what I want! but I don't actually get anywhere; the person Im playing or taking interest in me was playing me from the beginning before they ever met me! I was charmed; charmed against my ego; and my need to be loved! of course this is sickening! Its sick to charm and manipulate someone because they innocently need to be loved and are desperate; its sickening! However, looking at the rooms I met you in; why would I think you anything other then a snake! You attacked; You set me up, played me, charmed me! and I recognize that I didn't read between the lines of who you really were; even tho i knew your history! your no friend of mine; but you play and act the part! and I fell for it!
Its hard and embarrassing when I fall for someone because they are playing me against my own ego; and reality then do not value me the way I think they do! in fact, they hate or have hatred toward people like me and use charm as a weapon! I never saw it coming because Im in love with myself and got it going on to the point that no one would hurt me! and they did! they walk right over the top off me! and my ego has been smashed in! and worse! But they told me who they were and I allowed them to get close!
Why would I allow someone to get close when they told me the type of person they were! My ego told me I was untouchable! my ego told me; " they wouldn't dare, don't they know who they are dealing with" ! I was given attention and charm and had to do no work; nothing! I thought I had it made! I could use you any time I wanted to because you melted at my feet! In reality, you were never with me in your heart in the first place; and I did not recognize this? Who's got the problem here! You have no heart and your proud of it! and I want to get close to you; maybe your the price; if I can win you over and you have no heart; this is a sign of status!
Its like trusting a stranger who is charming; then, the next morning your house is robbed and everything in it; and your wondering how all of this could have happened!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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