Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

What am I thinking about!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jul 16, 2017 4:11 pm

What am I thinking about while the world around me tries to manipulate me and take advantage and I fall right into it from the start! I fell into the trap because I wanted to; i wanted someone else to come along and live for me or take or the reigns and do all the work and take care of me; and I assumed it was from God; God sent you to take care of me; to give me love and attention; nothing could have been further from the truth! I got taken by a con artist! or I was the con artist that got taken by a better con artist; a more ruthless one! and I have to ask the question; what am I doing around con artists! And why would I think Im immune to them manipulating me! they were not safe! I didnt care, and I didnt listen! and they sent me a sign to straiten up and take them seriously! and I guess I will! I didnt know who I was dealing with; what love of filth! They sent out their filth signals and I now not the message; but it leaves me baron and desolate and lonely!
.
Loneliness leads me on; Im desperate for love and attention and it leads me to bad people and bad places; and I find myself trying to make them into good people and good places! I claim God is behind this and its safe; when in reality, God was never behind anything! I was in a room full of vipers!
.
I don't have allot of personal support; and no one seems to want to play those rolls with me in their lives; However, they like to fool me and make me think they are friendly when their not; and Im falling for it; over n over n over n over n over! I have to wake up! I guess! You've never seen any one fall for it as bad as I do; I actually believe they are friendly people who are on my side! I actually believe these are decent respectable nice people that value me! My O My! Im not sure why would think this! No evidence suggests in the real world that any of these people are nice homey friendly people that have dropped everything to think about me! I wanted to believe I was in my own fantasy and the Universe was taking care of me! And the Universe is taking care of me; but I must get in line with the universe; something went wrong!
.
Im easy prey!
.
I have to see my enemies as my enemies; stop making my enemies into my friends; they get real close, and I fall for it! They are charming; I fall for it faster then a fish swallowing bait at the end of rusty hook; you've never seen anyone this naive before! they capture me before I come into the door! I guess its social status with them; they cause real pain! I allowed them to cause real pain and took a chance and thought I was getting away with it; and I was never getting away with it; not with these people! they had me fooled! I thought I had them fooled! they had me fooled from the beginning!
.
Its insanity to think that problem people will be safe or be different then the day before! Its insane to listen to someone pour out their true self and then once bitten by them because my big fat ego was led on; suddenly, when the trap is sprung; and Im trapped; I blame them as if Im the victim; when they told me who they were! they told me what they were before any of this happened! And why would I believe every word out of their mouth; maybe their were lying he whole time; did not realize they could be lying to me!
.
When you tell me your a criminal, I assume it means your now a harmless criminal and this is past tense; but why! why would I think its past tense; you never said it was past tense! In fact, I judged you charming nature; and decided you were being nice to me because Im God and you looked up to me! In reality, you had a massive deep mind of your own thinking as you were playing me into the water shed; where you would drawn me!
.
I thought I was important to you; you gave me all this attention; I thought I was important in your eyes; that I mattered to you; that is because of your charm; and how easy it was for you to apply it; I was so desperate for attention; id take anything you threw out at me! anything; and I thought you knew this! I thought you were a nice person! of course, when were in the equivalent of a bar with drunks; why would I think your a nice person; and this is where it hurts so much! I want with all of my heart; for you to be a nice person, and for me to believe Im in a safe place! but looking at the sign outside the room describing the negative room in words and its content; why would I think its a safe place! Im super man; and nothing in that room can hurt me! well, I got eaten alive, eaten up and thrown out; cape in hand! booted! didnt have a chance!
.
I desperately want to believe and I desperately want to get my human emotional needs met; and you played into that perfectly with perfect timing; it had my head swimming in all kinds of directions! you used me and led me on. I wanted to be lead on; it felt like I was an emperor being taken care of!
.
And then I saw it; the door on the outside of the room suggested I was around people that would uses me and lead me on; and you told me you were the type to not care about my problems or anyone else that you would lead people on and use them and move on to other people and could care less! and you told me but I didn't listen to you! I allowed you to get close; I ignored all the warning signs! and this is my problem!
.
I ignore the warning signs to get what I want! but I don't actually get anywhere; the person Im playing or taking interest in me was playing me from the beginning before they ever met me! I was charmed; charmed against my ego; and my need to be loved! of course this is sickening! Its sick to charm and manipulate someone because they innocently need to be loved and are desperate; its sickening! However, looking at the rooms I met you in; why would I think you anything other then a snake! You attacked; You set me up, played me, charmed me! and I recognize that I didn't read between the lines of who you really were; even tho i knew your history! your no friend of mine; but you play and act the part! and I fell for it!
.
Its hard and embarrassing when I fall for someone because they are playing me against my own ego; and reality then do not value me the way I think they do! in fact, they hate or have hatred toward people like me and use charm as a weapon! I never saw it coming because Im in love with myself and got it going on to the point that no one would hurt me! and they did! they walk right over the top off me! and my ego has been smashed in! and worse! But they told me who they were and I allowed them to get close!
.
Why would I allow someone to get close when they told me the type of person they were! My ego told me I was untouchable! my ego told me; " they wouldn't dare, don't they know who they are dealing with" ! I was given attention and charm and had to do no work; nothing! I thought I had it made! I could use you any time I wanted to because you melted at my feet! In reality, you were never with me in your heart in the first place; and I did not recognize this? Who's got the problem here! You have no heart and your proud of it! and I want to get close to you; maybe your the price; if I can win you over and you have no heart; this is a sign of status!
.
Its like trusting a stranger who is charming; then, the next morning your house is robbed and everything in it; and your wondering how all of this could have happened!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 1573 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, Aries411, Bing [Bot], birdsong87, DavidGergy, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, HiolasLos, jj19, Majestic-12 [Bot], mansnils, quietgirl2538, Riccola, Tyler