Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1013)
Archives
- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
Today
   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
More notes
   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Weaned of porn and PTSD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Oct 28, 2015 11:06 pm

I see a correlation of protective safety by looking at porn in the place of dealing with real people!

I see bullies when I see women Im interested in! I don't mean I think the girl is a bully! I mean, I see bullies that have crossed into my personal space in my nervous system and my mind that I have not dealt with! And I was controlled out of expressing myself with them! I could not move! I was controlled! I as scared and afraid and confused! It was like a chess game I was loosing!@ It wasn't the thug that was the problem; it was the cops! I could not win! I would be in trouble with the cops! And why was I put into a situation like this in the first place!

Heres the point; I was controlled out of getting close or reacting! My right to interact was taken! I could not budge one way or the other!

I am being forced to deal with this level of PTSD if I get close to a women! For me; its PTSD City because of these people from the past! And there are many of them! The idea is to get through these people into safer ground or what I remember as safer ground when young!

All of what I went through is do to the psychopath; sadistic nature of the psychopath! This is what they get you into! They get you into trouble with other people then pull back and don't help! But they are the ones who started it in the first place!

I have to forgive the abusers and the bullies completely! Blame it on the time period ran by the sociopaths! And somehow get back to the present and start over!

I find it strange that I am so scared of getting involved with women! Im really ######6 freaked out! It's the general involvement; it's not women! It's the closeness! And close interactions! I understand concerning my background; whats got me freaked is that any of this exists in the first place! Sucks!

So, a combination of forgiving the past! And moving forward with people!

So, dating women is getting closer; my God that hurts! It brings up everything at age 15 and 16 and 14 and 17! ###$ it hurts! It hurts bad! It was all mangled and destroyed!


So, Porn is not the answer; its an old answer to a time period not dealt with yet! this is going to hurt!

Also, I missed all opportunities at that time to grow into something! grow from childhood to teen years to work years to relationship years into self! or into community with my own jobs and interests and understandings!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 6885 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], ForeverIndecesive, FosterMomtoDID, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Johnny-Jack, Lauraalife, Majestic-12 [Bot], MeUnknown, RapidMallard78, theBalancingAct, Tyler