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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Washing clothing

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Dec 14, 2014 1:56 am

Having nice clothing, taking care of them, washing them, so Im clean when I leave the apartment is the most socially important thing I can do! and it is what Im working on!


interacting with women is slow but going well! Hugs not drugs! I am the one who asked for attention! and Im getting it slowly! I see women, I am genuine when I say hi! they some now call me friend, and come over and hug me! and thats what I want need! some can be exceptionally beautiful, but thats not the point! Im just trying to learn how to interact and have friends again! and it looks like it is happening; happening for real!

When my father died! something magical happened! And it sucks to say that he died! It hits you so hard!
I am in touch with God! and felt a movement in the force! and I know he knows now what happened to me ( my father)! and he is helping me! I know this! and God is helping me!

What my father did, he could not help but do! he proved this out! The events was presented! the problem was, I was all alone! I was out of luck!


now, after having some experience with women! the nest step concerns SSI!

My next step with people; is to get close to them! and when I do, I mention SSI! At some point I want to mention it first, I only want those around me that like me for who I am! not thinking Im a loser! and they do, and will! and some see me this way! and I want them gone, out of my life! I wont know who to kick out of my life until I find who they are!

ITs crazy, Ive had what society considers " good people" hate me or put the hate on me as a drifter and loser! But Im not! in fact they kill people by doing this to them!

Im mad at God, that he would allow so many people in the world to be destroyed! all the children! Its all to much for me! I have to keep praying that I come back; come back around to sanity!

Sanity is described like this;

First, In my fantasies and the past, Im a boy, sitting on a green couch! I feel safe, Im watching TV! in a solid quite house!

As an adult I; after fantasizing about the above sentence, wake up in the gutter with nothing! that is insanity!

Sanity is; having the memories of the past; in this case, the example of sitting on a green couch, waking up into the present, seeing the gutter, I turn get into recovery, find God, start saving, buy a green couch, stick it in my apartment and go sit on it!

Now when I wake up at night, and Im thinking of a green couch, I simply walk into the living room, and sit on it! Im not outside in the gutter!

I use the principles of this story to illustrate a point; that is better to gain sanity then insanity at some point!

This story was personal and meant something to me; Im not sure how it sounds to the outside world!

Dissociative Disorder;

Might look for a club on FB dealing with DD! Not sure!

Dissociative disorder is slowly loosing its grip in reality! Im slowly getting better! My defenses are like a strong defensive French wall of WW1! brutally hard; very hard to knock down, they had to keep me alive for years! And the walls of a small child to protect against adults, is huge! they will take some time to come down, but its happening as I heal!

Healing; Im healing from 0 to 5 years old! I can see it and feel it! I was over ran at those ages, a and massive walls are build up! I was over ran again at age 10, and again later through my early teen years, and later in my early 20s, so Ive been ran over many times as a human!

At age 30 I was mental! I had been mental since a boy! but by the age of 30, I had Dissociative disorder and PTSD problems at 100%! I could not function anymore! Im now slowly in recovery for these things!

I have agoraphobia and AVPD,

Ive had addiction problems and OCD! and other stuff! Clinical depression for 20 years; not now!

My main work is with the walls of the child within from ages 0 to 5! and getting close to others and being myself'!

This means walking up to someone and smiling in there face! relaxing in front of them! I will have to practice this!

Music is a big thing; I will be hiding in my MacBook Pro and my notation software at the coffee shop for many months!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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