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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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waking up

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed May 15, 2013 8:17 pm

I just woke up.. Ive written about 6 blogs, or get started and never finish them. This one might end up in the destruction pile.

Im feeling and seeing the insecurities. I flashback to the past; the me under the other me! Im seeing myself walking or looking around in my house on C street. I felt at home there and safe. And for the most part, my father kept it that way. The only one complaining was my mother because she had to take care of and participate in a family system. She was a very low example of the human race; much like Adult Hitler.

My mind was ruined and destroyed in these places. When my father left, it would all be a bad dream!

I loved my life and my house on C street. They did a good job creating a false family system. The children in the group believed every bit of it. There was no family system. It was a lie from the beginning, As the neighborhood and the false friends were a lie. I was betrayed in all directions.

I have spent the remainder of my life alone. I never wanted it that way. When in full dissociative disorder I could not have friends: thats different. No one wanted to be my friend or get to know me. I meant nothing to everyone and I do not know why. I was thrown away from everything and everyone. I do not understand why. I was a decent person. It seems to have no value in this world. I seem to have no value in the world. I have no value to anyone.

Now, I have value to God!

I continue to fight, to attempt to go in a strait line and get better. I must keep working hard and trusting God with my recovery. Im interested in getting my health back and getting away from the worthless trash Ive had to work with to get better.. Im tired of the undertow people of low life. Im not talking about the nice people. Im talking about those vampires that see me as food-stock: They believe its feeding time when they see me!

Reality:

Reality is: reality with PTSD. That is the reality. Reality is with PTSD. I learn, I adapt with PTSD. The PTSD is not going anywhere.

I had only one parent left as a boy. And that individual choose to destroy me. She was a worthless watered down vs of the human race. Its unfortunate. Its reality. Im sorry I ever was exposed to such an individual. I guess in the end I survive. Lots of people do not survive sociopaths of this nature. Meaning, children.

My goals:

The arts: the creating of art

relationships: friends. Dating/girlfriends.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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