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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
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waking up

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed May 15, 2013 8:17 pm

I just woke up.. Ive written about 6 blogs, or get started and never finish them. This one might end up in the destruction pile.

Im feeling and seeing the insecurities. I flashback to the past; the me under the other me! Im seeing myself walking or looking around in my house on C street. I felt at home there and safe. And for the most part, my father kept it that way. The only one complaining was my mother because she had to take care of and participate in a family system. She was a very low example of the human race; much like Adult Hitler.

My mind was ruined and destroyed in these places. When my father left, it would all be a bad dream!

I loved my life and my house on C street. They did a good job creating a false family system. The children in the group believed every bit of it. There was no family system. It was a lie from the beginning, As the neighborhood and the false friends were a lie. I was betrayed in all directions.

I have spent the remainder of my life alone. I never wanted it that way. When in full dissociative disorder I could not have friends: thats different. No one wanted to be my friend or get to know me. I meant nothing to everyone and I do not know why. I was thrown away from everything and everyone. I do not understand why. I was a decent person. It seems to have no value in this world. I seem to have no value in the world. I have no value to anyone.

Now, I have value to God!

I continue to fight, to attempt to go in a strait line and get better. I must keep working hard and trusting God with my recovery. Im interested in getting my health back and getting away from the worthless trash Ive had to work with to get better.. Im tired of the undertow people of low life. Im not talking about the nice people. Im talking about those vampires that see me as food-stock: They believe its feeding time when they see me!

Reality:

Reality is: reality with PTSD. That is the reality. Reality is with PTSD. I learn, I adapt with PTSD. The PTSD is not going anywhere.

I had only one parent left as a boy. And that individual choose to destroy me. She was a worthless watered down vs of the human race. Its unfortunate. Its reality. Im sorry I ever was exposed to such an individual. I guess in the end I survive. Lots of people do not survive sociopaths of this nature. Meaning, children.

My goals:

The arts: the creating of art

relationships: friends. Dating/girlfriends.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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