April 2024
March 2024
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Im trying to become present...
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Im trying to wake up. Right now; God is trying to wake my mind up out of its narcissistic attracted dream world.
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Ive had women I might have thought about being interested in a year ago; And Im still trapped thinking about them instead of waking up; waking up and moving on.
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My slight possible interest in them; or curiosity( that I did nothing about) was over a year ago. Im trying to wake up because its purely living in the past because I dont want to deal with the preset. The present means I have to change my attitude to one of positive when I think about things and its easier for me to reminisce in the past than it is to do the work in the present and their it is.
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Im having a hard time starting again in the present because I start out being nothing with nothing and I dont like it; I have this entitled attitude that I should have been entitled to more from the past...
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So; I actually have been living off the thoughts I have; not living off doing anything; and Im mad about having to do something to get something; I hate the idea of being forced to do something so I have allot of growing up to do in this area; Im really spoiled and immature in this area and have to work with God on this...
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I have this child area I revert back to; its like the child is telling me; its my way or the highway and its based on how I feel and not reality. Many times ive never talked to someone and Im mat at them for not being in a relationship with me... This is the child in me... Im trying to work with God to come out of this insanity and become awake. Im working on it.. Im acting like Im entitled to something or I have the right to feel something for someone when theirs nothing their.. Im not sure what to do.. but I do know what to do; I take it to God and wake the hell up.... Thats what Im trying to do...
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Im trying to wake up.
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wake up; wake up; wake up to reality please.... wake up..
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The deal is; I get caught up in nostalgia... I whence remember her name; thus the twilight evening succumbed to my passion for her unleavened delights; O shall I ever see her again; shall I be in the twilight of my life for ever? Im using this reminisce for a reason; altho its the wrong season. My point is; Im suppose to be working forward with Gods help to be awake dealing with forward thinking and Im having a hard time of it; part of me wants to live in yesteryear and I wont have it. As Im writing this; my mind is spitting a thousand thoughts that will put me under; put me to sleep; I guess I've been brainwashed that way... I guess. Im sure of it. I must move forward with Gods help into the future.... not the past; who cares about the past... Im not God and thats what Im suggesting; Im suggesting im God. If other people want help; they will have to reach out to God as I have; their life is not my business; mine is; and Im not tending it; Im tending theirs and making judgements of it instead of meeting new people and getting on with my life with Gods help; and thats what Im trying to stay awake for; and Im having a hard time of it; all the thoughts that are hitting me right now are trying to dissociate me and put me to sleep; its unbelievable. However, its not want I want. I want to be awake and I want God to help me right now stay awake and make new decisions about my future and work toward them awake and write new stories for myself awake and work toward them with Gods help; and I think thats possible if I can stay awake. YES!
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I just have to keep waking up to the present; that means no past; what ever need I want I write stories about it for the present of what is coming and write it as if its already here.. I act as if everything is fine right now and I want something in my life; so I write stories about it and go after it in a sense; telling the universe to bring me the plans of what Im looking for; no one owes me anything; no past.
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