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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Wake up! Identity

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:22 pm

I was at a meeting! And was having a hard time with one of the young women in the meetings! She has come on to me before! Or given me compliments! However, that was many years ago!

I never lighted me up until tonight; My God! I'm in the wrong place! As I get better! I realize what magic God has created here! Im sitting with rapists, murderers, psychopaths, violent offenders! heavy level past drug addicts! And serious level drug addicts of the trap house type! And many other things!

I was offended by a young women for leading me on and having a boyfriend! However, it hit me! What am I thinking! She is a psychopath! I know her! Ive watched her behavior! I started to get mad at the weak boyfriend and wonder how he could be such a sucker! Then it hit me! He is not a sucker! Nor she! For this is their place of origin; their group! Their values are right inline with this social situation! It is my middle class values that are out of line!

Im simply with the wrong people for dating or series friendship! Impossible! This is n to the place for me to do that! My place for this is at a much higher frequency level of society!

This is very important; all that IVe written! For it suggest dissociative disorder buried me to the point of not knowing or caring where I ended up! And I was and have been taken care of by these people for 20 years!

Does anyone care about me; well; what do you want for your money! They don't have the inner values to care about sensitive things; like my feelings!

The wake up call;

I woke up tonight; in these rooms! I don't fit here! However, this has been the place of my recovery! But nothing more! It is all God! Now, if I want series relationships! I must create the desire and visualize it into existence! With Gods help!

The type of women I want are beautiful on the outside and beautiful on the inside! They cannot be heartless 2 faced snakes on the inside! Yet, in a place like the meetings I go to; it's the norm!

The point;

I ask God for the level of people to associate with for personal relationship! It is not in the meetings that I get recovery!

I must send out bigger vibration rockets to fair away places; and wait and watch and work to secure the lighted trail they will create to get to them!

Again; here is the point;

These people have done nothing wrong! They are where God sent them to be! It is their world in those rooms! I am the guest! Altho, ive used drugs in high school, and alcohol later in college over PTSD problems; I did have a problem brewing with them! And almost got worse! I would quality as someone that at some point could not stop! However, thats as far as it went! But its enough to quality for these rooms of addiction; with all other traumatic dual problems!

Again; the point; I must remember not to get caught up in the people or the place! Im only visiting!

My identity is starting to wake up and remember that Im a decent upper middle class kind of person, and it is this type of person I will find myself with; those of the same values!

If it were not for recovery! I would have never met any of these people! I must remember, they are strangers not friends! And never claimed to be anything else!

I am waking up!

Now I must manifest what Im looking for!

I sat their tonight and thought; Im not going to associate with these weirdoes ever again! and then it hit me! They are in their rightful place! I am in this place only for addiction reasons; recovery! I do know people! but I have to give all of them a break! A room full of horse thieves and Im bent because they tried to steal my horse and everyone else's! It never occurred to me that its normal; their all horse thieves! They could never be trusted in the first place; non of them! and its non of my business

So this means loneliness! I wont find what Im looking for in these meetings! the quality of people Im looking for are in much different culture!

Values

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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