Im not sure! Im still in the average abstract! My position in life is one of recovery! Im not well enough from the past to move on. Im getting well enough to talk with people and participate in activities.
Its hard coming from sociopaths. Its very hard.
I saw a vid on the most vicious women serial killers. The worst destroyed her children. And I noticed many similarities of this women and my mother.. My mother was a milder vs of this women.
I noticed how society attempts to show these women as evil. They did not seem evil to me. These serial killers looked to me as if they had been raped to many times. I saw little else as the problem. They were going to war against society. Society has raped them and destroyed them..
I think general society is the murderer and cause of all!
I need more time for healing. I need more time to work through the deeper issues! and move forward.
Im in the middle of the middle of the middle of the middle. Actually Im past the middle! Ive past that point. Im 10% past it! Im not sure what that means...
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Girls at the meetings are impossible. Im going through them like ducks in a carnival shooting gallery. I never quit go out with them.. They always secretly end up with someone else and write me off.
They liked me! they would not wait and they bring another man into the courting process; when this happens, Im throw with them. This has happened 7 times. So, Im done. Moral deficiencies grow from these people! I aught to leave them all alone and go else where for that kind of thing.
Separate recovery from picking up girls...
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I was asked today at church about dreams. If I could have any dream, what would it be.
I suppose I would be a rock star with a PHD in electro acoustical art forms.
I would like my own studio, and to create art all day and night!
I gave up on this long ago...... I gave up on everything along time ago. Now, Im not sure how to obtain anything.
Im not used to going after what I want! Ive been sick for a long long long time! I do not believe or trust!
I was told I need faith! OK. I will talk to God about it and see if I can take faith with me!
I suppose I need to keep this alive!