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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Visualizing

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm

Im practicing visualizing; specifically concerning, walking up to professional people with my hand out to shake; and saying hi; and feeling good about it and good about myself. Slam Bam; hello PTSD; BAM! I get hit at that instant and it numbs my brain; Today, I don't care; Im working through it; I got this; the idea; I visualize socially; thats what Im looking to create; its all social for me. Its coming back; had this as a kid; a mind-head full of socialization; positive socialization and its coming back.
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The idea is; My mother said she loves me; I run that statement through my mind all day long; including things concerning "the universe is on my side". "Thank you God for all the things in my life I don't know about yet."
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Most importantly, Im pushing it; Im pushing past the PTSD and CpTsD critical voice; Im seeing myself walk up to people in a book store ( its all fantasy); and seeing a women of sophistication and saying Hi. Im a sophisticated person when doing this; thats how I see myself; and more importantly, Im visualizing her with a smile on her face, open stance and friendly and looking right at me; open. And I see myself with a scholarly book in my hand and wearing some kind of attire that suggests intellectuality; And I feel intellectual; and Im visualizing this in the face of CPTSD and flashbacks; Its not easy; its like walking into a hornets nest and being stung and bugged by a billion bees running around me and my head and nervous system and imagination; freaking me out; trying to sabotage my intent; but my intent is not leaving; Im finally getting a hold on my visualizations and Im understanding ; I got to feel like Im the monster God king when I walk up to these people; confidence, happy, directed and out going.
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The key is to see it socially, and that ability is being forced onto the universe; and I will see it in my head first and get better in my head first and more confident first and go practice when Im ready; However, I was confident social before at one time when very young; and then thrown into the school system and the other evil people I was forced to live with; everything was destroyed.
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So; Im forcing it back; its been a long time; and Im seeing lots of evil faces as I force it back; lots of evil faces from my past; but, Ive been working with visualization for about 6 years now; and its starting to get more powerful; I can remember and focus on what I want; and what I want; intellectual friends and girl friends; so; I have to work on imagining Im with them; talking to them; working with them. thats what I want. I want to talk to well to do people; meaning culturally.
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Ive got this space within my mind; its crushed; like bruised; its a place of dissociation and Im attempt to work through it and replace it with good memories.
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If Im not imagining for the purpose of visualization; my mind goes blank and Im back to negative; so; it has to be trained and I must be aware of it at all times..

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Ill get their. Im working on it; and when this breaks and I get better; Ill be able to control my mind in any direction I want; and my mind is what stops me or allows me to achieve anything; because I must first see it in my mind and then if I want to pursue it; it will show up and Ill show up for it.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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