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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1007)
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- August 2019
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Visualizations

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm

Im working with visualization; These are important. Proper or well developed visualizations are what builds a childs future; Same for me; as I bring back more visualizations of my future; the past visualizations are showing up; and this would be heaven to me; to feel like I did when I was a kid before I got thrown away.
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So; Im working on it; all the things I missed; I want those scenes in my head ready to be reproduced; and its going to happen I know it is.
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Im visualizing myself dating and its working; I can feel the energy opening; and I can see others things; and its the real me; now! Not someone from the past; but its the original blue print me; But in the beginning I thought I had to have the original players from my birth time; not so; but its a struggle to get where I am; safe ground; in order to proceed to use my mind in such a creative way; it takes years of work; for me; and it has. But its paying off; Im looking forward to better visualizations; more openness and less dissociation within my imagination and wanting more connectives in my imagination when Im visualizing my goals and desires.
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The goal right now is not having something show up in front of me; I know things can show up in front of me from my imagination; therefore, its a good idea to get this visualizations stuff down first; get that energy flowing. Get it figured out baby. all of it in detail; all of it. no gaming; have all those scenes figured and played as if they’ve already happened; rehearsing thousands of times in my head and feeling every detail.
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And all of this work is bringing a special part of my childhood back to me; thats what Im hoping; I mean; I can feel it and some memories are showing up; a protected part with hope; lots of hope here; however, I need that one first manifestation; whether it be a women or a car or money or pathway to performing my art; what ever it is; Im working on it; ; and I want it to happen. So, it must manifest in my imagination first.
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One main goal; as I remember; Im hit with the end of visualizing; meaning; my abandonment comes out I see it and real feel it; the cure for this is to switch to my future desires and see them instead.
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So; by switching thoughts to other thoughts I want for my future; I do this on the fly; and keep practicing it; the point is ; I start to control my thoughts and be able to switch them to what I want for my future; and if I keep creating this way; my who thinking process is a bumping creation on a daily basis; The key; the more I imagine; the more of it shows up in front of me.
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Acceptance; This is hard; I used drugs and alcohol in the past and other distractions to stop thinking and feeling; so I would not have to deal with the responsibility of changing my life; I didnt know how to change my life; now I do know some things and Im working on it. and its working; but it takes time.
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Im not sure where Im starting; I think its art; Im not sure where its going up; but what ever it is; Im feeling the anxiety of doing what I was dreaming of.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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