Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1013)
Archives
- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
Today
   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
More notes
   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Usually 1 blog at a time. However,

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:45 am

Usually don't post blogs this close.. However, its just that kind of strange night.

Im getting better; my condition. Its alarming to me. Im a bit scared...

Whats left to work on: close, social interactions. and I have already started, Ive started in the real world with certain groups, for the first time, Ive opened up about my condition. I talked about the problem of dissociation when getting to close to people. So it really starts.. Im starting to bring strangers into the therapeutic realm. This is a good sign.. It suggests Im taking care of my problems out side the therapists office. Im holding my own.. My mind is incredibly weak, and dissociates every 30 seconds.. Im going to have to keep working at it to stay present.

The closer to people I become the harder things are. This new change occurred because of the disaster with the girl from the meetings. A disaster spawns a happy change-around. Ive been pushed back into my life.. I will never see the girl again. As I looked into her eyes many moons ago, and could not express myself, I could see the great fear she had that I did not like her or love her. I could see she was in love with me. Yet, she could not see my feelings nor was she interested in finding out. Life is a hard place.

I have God, I will keep working with him.. working on things. Not giving up...

The outside world is a hard strange place for me. My mind is still in great disarray... confusion. It will have to get stronger. Im shocked and saddened that I have no friends. All past people are gone. They were death to me. They were not my friends.. None of them. Unbelievable.

No girl friend pursuits until I get things figured out.

As for conversations.. its simple. I have the info.. what I need to worry about is the rejection, Or, making sure to stop the conversations when it is not the right person to be talking to.

The art of the conversation.. Im heading to a place of facing myself... Im heading to a place of facing sadness.

What about Alaina.. ? Alaina was a 2 year old child that I watch being thrown away from her parents in a 12 step meeting.. IT was horrible. The father finally gave her away to the state. It was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed; What was different then a Nazi prison camp for her! Ive told God, Im going to concentrate on prayer for Alaina for the rest of my life.. I could do nothing while she was being destroyed... I had to watch as her father ignored her into un existence.

I consider societies nothing more then organized murder. Alaina is an example of this. She appeared to me to be emotionally blind. Poor kid..... God forgive me for not killing the parents on the spot!

God and forgiveness will be a bigger part of my life in the future. Its the only way I know how to survive.

If anything freaks me out, its the lack of relationships I have... I have so much to offer.... It just seems strange to me.. Im so alone and I do not know why!......

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 64761 times

Who is online

Registered users: AmmeSO, Bing [Bot], Changingbee, Eccentric, ForeverIndecesive, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, GROZEV, jj19, lilfreak, Majestic-12 [Bot], smirks, Tyler