Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Usually 1 blog at a time. However,

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:45 am

Usually don't post blogs this close.. However, its just that kind of strange night.

Im getting better; my condition. Its alarming to me. Im a bit scared...

Whats left to work on: close, social interactions. and I have already started, Ive started in the real world with certain groups, for the first time, Ive opened up about my condition. I talked about the problem of dissociation when getting to close to people. So it really starts.. Im starting to bring strangers into the therapeutic realm. This is a good sign.. It suggests Im taking care of my problems out side the therapists office. Im holding my own.. My mind is incredibly weak, and dissociates every 30 seconds.. Im going to have to keep working at it to stay present.

The closer to people I become the harder things are. This new change occurred because of the disaster with the girl from the meetings. A disaster spawns a happy change-around. Ive been pushed back into my life.. I will never see the girl again. As I looked into her eyes many moons ago, and could not express myself, I could see the great fear she had that I did not like her or love her. I could see she was in love with me. Yet, she could not see my feelings nor was she interested in finding out. Life is a hard place.

I have God, I will keep working with him.. working on things. Not giving up...

The outside world is a hard strange place for me. My mind is still in great disarray... confusion. It will have to get stronger. Im shocked and saddened that I have no friends. All past people are gone. They were death to me. They were not my friends.. None of them. Unbelievable.

No girl friend pursuits until I get things figured out.

As for conversations.. its simple. I have the info.. what I need to worry about is the rejection, Or, making sure to stop the conversations when it is not the right person to be talking to.

The art of the conversation.. Im heading to a place of facing myself... Im heading to a place of facing sadness.

What about Alaina.. ? Alaina was a 2 year old child that I watch being thrown away from her parents in a 12 step meeting.. IT was horrible. The father finally gave her away to the state. It was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed; What was different then a Nazi prison camp for her! Ive told God, Im going to concentrate on prayer for Alaina for the rest of my life.. I could do nothing while she was being destroyed... I had to watch as her father ignored her into un existence.

I consider societies nothing more then organized murder. Alaina is an example of this. She appeared to me to be emotionally blind. Poor kid..... God forgive me for not killing the parents on the spot!

God and forgiveness will be a bigger part of my life in the future. Its the only way I know how to survive.

If anything freaks me out, its the lack of relationships I have... I have so much to offer.... It just seems strange to me.. Im so alone and I do not know why!......

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 71306 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, krk1087