Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1753)
Archives
- March 2024
Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals o
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:55 am
Seeing green when its Red...
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:49 am
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Used

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:52 pm

The goal concerning the past; get over it! Work through the first 18 years of life! Find out what happened and what went wrong, that I move through it and beyond!

This type of work must be rehashed millions of times until the real story starts to appear through the pain a denial!

So here is the story!

born;

Im in the hands of fakes but I don't know it!

I will be used! But I don't know this; and I do not understand it while it's going on!

Later, I will be play acted! Meaning, Im part of a bigger lie created by these sociopaths that are running the house hold!

Ive recently come to the conclusion; I was a foster child! From the beginning! These people were unsafe to be around! I did not know this when a small child! Later I will realize this!

Im not being taken care of and I don't know it!

The father figure in this story is a fake! His life is a complete lie! But he does not care! The children in this story, are the real losers! Meaning, they are the ones that will get hurt by these criminals!

I was falsely brought up to believe something that wasn't real!

I had no stability; but did not know this!

I will be thrown away ate age 10!

My mother or father will turn on me as soon as they split up!

I realize these people are strangers and sociopaths!

Finally at the age of 16 I realize something is wrong! I am not wanted or loved by these people, but I have no name for them! Later, through recovery I will assign the name sociopath to them; psychopath appropriately!

My younger childhood is what I must grieve and let go of; it was false or faked! Meaning, I was rented at a rental center by these people, and given back after the party was over! Meaning, I was being used by the people invoked in this family! I was not apart of it!

No one is prepared to accept that they come from a broken sociopathic situation of scumbags! I was not prepared for it! Im trying to come to grips with it, that I move on!

Im trying to come out of dissociating over it! And facing what happened and move on to the next phase of my life!

I realized later that I was a foster child! Went through the same thing, ended up with the same mental problems and social problems!

So, the early part of my life was spent in a false dilution! And I was around false people! I did not know they were false people! Some of them were my friends; what I thought were my friends! They were not!

I was in an unfortunate situation created by the sociopaths! They bought a house in an upper or regular middle class neighborhood! But would not be staying long! I did not know this! I made friends and had a life! Then they pulled the rug out on all of us and moved away! They went their separate ways and acted like they had never met us; me!

Within a spit second, I had no mother or father! It was all a sadistic game for them! They played sadistic games with us children!

Looking back; its laughable now! Its serious but laughable! I have the answer now! They were psychopaths playing sadistic games with us! They did not care! Children mean nothing to these animals! ! ###$ them! Now I know! There was no connection! They were playing games with strangers; us! I was just a stranger they could use and get away with!

Now I know what they are! At the time it was horrible! I did not understand that I should have never been around them ever;

I was used in different ways! I went skiing with them! But they did not care about me! I was just along for the ride, but did not know I was being used! They did not take children with them to teach the children! It was all a lie! All of it! Its very sickening because they really played the parts out well!

I have lots of memories that appear to be safe or make me believe I was safe! I was not safe; never! I was being used the whole time period! All of these memories must go!

From the day I was born; all of those memories must change and the people I was forced to associated with!

I ended up in different neighborhoods with different relatives at different times! I must look back and see these memories for the true horror they were; but they were milked and covered up color and opportunity! In reality, their was no opportunity for me! It was a lie! I had nothing! Even the house I lived in was not mine! Meaning; the house owners owned it! Not me! They did not care who I was! And they never created this situation to help me survive! They bought a house because they felt like it; and soon, they would sell that house out from underneath me and wreck my life!

Psychopaths do not necessarily think about me enough to wreck my life! The problem is, they only think about themselves! They will sell the house and move away! They don't care who gets destroyed in the process! They are not connected to anyone!

-------

I remember the first girl I loved! it was not real! I moved over to a new city to live again with one of the sociopaths! she was actually a psychopath! She had a nice house! and lived in a middle class neighborhood! up the street lived a girl I met! her parents were rich! I met her and I loved her until I realized something was dreadfully wrong!

I was attempting as a teenager to heal or find my way! The girl I met was planning her college entry within a few years to an ivy league school! I did not know I was in the wrong class of people! I should have never been up their! meaning, up the street to her house! I was no match for her future! When I realized this, I simply gave up and left! and went away heartbroken! This was not the first time I was chased of or thrown out because of economic realities!

I had no ability to function! I needed to be somewhere where I was loved! Being at a rich girls house was not love! I was at the wrong place! this girl thought I was full of money and a future because I lived in her neighborhood! I was simply living at the sociopaths house! I had nothing and no future! I had no way of knowing how to make money! my life was ruined! I just wanted love!

When I visited that girl up the street! she was inviting because she thought I was made of upper class money! so, I was a good catch; I lived in the neighborhood! In reality, I was in the wrong neighborhood!

I did not have a neighborhood! I was a troubled person being abused and thrown away; thats who I was!

So, it was doomed from the start to ever meet that girl up the street! I finally had to leave the area and go back to the place I came from!

and more psychological brutality will occur, as I attempt to live in a new house with strangers who never liked me or cared!
I live with this upper middle class family; they treat me like dirt! like Im not alive ! sub human being!
and I realize, I never really came from any neighborhood!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 8976 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Dwelt, Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Victorijv