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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Used

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 12, 2015 4:52 pm

The goal concerning the past; get over it! Work through the first 18 years of life! Find out what happened and what went wrong, that I move through it and beyond!

This type of work must be rehashed millions of times until the real story starts to appear through the pain a denial!

So here is the story!

born;

Im in the hands of fakes but I don't know it!

I will be used! But I don't know this; and I do not understand it while it's going on!

Later, I will be play acted! Meaning, Im part of a bigger lie created by these sociopaths that are running the house hold!

Ive recently come to the conclusion; I was a foster child! From the beginning! These people were unsafe to be around! I did not know this when a small child! Later I will realize this!

Im not being taken care of and I don't know it!

The father figure in this story is a fake! His life is a complete lie! But he does not care! The children in this story, are the real losers! Meaning, they are the ones that will get hurt by these criminals!

I was falsely brought up to believe something that wasn't real!

I had no stability; but did not know this!

I will be thrown away ate age 10!

My mother or father will turn on me as soon as they split up!

I realize these people are strangers and sociopaths!

Finally at the age of 16 I realize something is wrong! I am not wanted or loved by these people, but I have no name for them! Later, through recovery I will assign the name sociopath to them; psychopath appropriately!

My younger childhood is what I must grieve and let go of; it was false or faked! Meaning, I was rented at a rental center by these people, and given back after the party was over! Meaning, I was being used by the people invoked in this family! I was not apart of it!

No one is prepared to accept that they come from a broken sociopathic situation of scumbags! I was not prepared for it! Im trying to come to grips with it, that I move on!

Im trying to come out of dissociating over it! And facing what happened and move on to the next phase of my life!

I realized later that I was a foster child! Went through the same thing, ended up with the same mental problems and social problems!

So, the early part of my life was spent in a false dilution! And I was around false people! I did not know they were false people! Some of them were my friends; what I thought were my friends! They were not!

I was in an unfortunate situation created by the sociopaths! They bought a house in an upper or regular middle class neighborhood! But would not be staying long! I did not know this! I made friends and had a life! Then they pulled the rug out on all of us and moved away! They went their separate ways and acted like they had never met us; me!

Within a spit second, I had no mother or father! It was all a sadistic game for them! They played sadistic games with us children!

Looking back; its laughable now! Its serious but laughable! I have the answer now! They were psychopaths playing sadistic games with us! They did not care! Children mean nothing to these animals! ! ###$ them! Now I know! There was no connection! They were playing games with strangers; us! I was just a stranger they could use and get away with!

Now I know what they are! At the time it was horrible! I did not understand that I should have never been around them ever;

I was used in different ways! I went skiing with them! But they did not care about me! I was just along for the ride, but did not know I was being used! They did not take children with them to teach the children! It was all a lie! All of it! Its very sickening because they really played the parts out well!

I have lots of memories that appear to be safe or make me believe I was safe! I was not safe; never! I was being used the whole time period! All of these memories must go!

From the day I was born; all of those memories must change and the people I was forced to associated with!

I ended up in different neighborhoods with different relatives at different times! I must look back and see these memories for the true horror they were; but they were milked and covered up color and opportunity! In reality, their was no opportunity for me! It was a lie! I had nothing! Even the house I lived in was not mine! Meaning; the house owners owned it! Not me! They did not care who I was! And they never created this situation to help me survive! They bought a house because they felt like it; and soon, they would sell that house out from underneath me and wreck my life!

Psychopaths do not necessarily think about me enough to wreck my life! The problem is, they only think about themselves! They will sell the house and move away! They don't care who gets destroyed in the process! They are not connected to anyone!

-------

I remember the first girl I loved! it was not real! I moved over to a new city to live again with one of the sociopaths! she was actually a psychopath! She had a nice house! and lived in a middle class neighborhood! up the street lived a girl I met! her parents were rich! I met her and I loved her until I realized something was dreadfully wrong!

I was attempting as a teenager to heal or find my way! The girl I met was planning her college entry within a few years to an ivy league school! I did not know I was in the wrong class of people! I should have never been up their! meaning, up the street to her house! I was no match for her future! When I realized this, I simply gave up and left! and went away heartbroken! This was not the first time I was chased of or thrown out because of economic realities!

I had no ability to function! I needed to be somewhere where I was loved! Being at a rich girls house was not love! I was at the wrong place! this girl thought I was full of money and a future because I lived in her neighborhood! I was simply living at the sociopaths house! I had nothing and no future! I had no way of knowing how to make money! my life was ruined! I just wanted love!

When I visited that girl up the street! she was inviting because she thought I was made of upper class money! so, I was a good catch; I lived in the neighborhood! In reality, I was in the wrong neighborhood!

I did not have a neighborhood! I was a troubled person being abused and thrown away; thats who I was!

So, it was doomed from the start to ever meet that girl up the street! I finally had to leave the area and go back to the place I came from!

and more psychological brutality will occur, as I attempt to live in a new house with strangers who never liked me or cared!
I live with this upper middle class family; they treat me like dirt! like Im not alive ! sub human being!
and I realize, I never really came from any neighborhood!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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