I have a head full of unsafe people!
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I have a head full of people from the past that I was forced around or to be around; they are in my head! It is fear and causing fear; they had no good reason to be around me; I was forced around them by psychopaths! They lived with the psychopaths; I had to be around the psychopaths to survive!
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I was forced around who ever was around the psychopaths because I had to live with the psychopaths! Either live with them or be on the streets! and I was no prepared to be on streets! I did not know my life would be forced into the streets! It was forced into the streets as soon as my father left; that was 5th grade; my father was threatening to leave when I was 7 years old; he was blaming me as well as others for how he felt about the outside world; that he was a victim; and it was my fault! I did not buy into it because I knew at 7 years old that I had done nothing wrong; he was pure evil! In fact; he was not a human; he was a sociopathic potential serial rapist and a potential criminal! Non human! Un fortunately; no one told me this imposter was a monster! I did not know! I had no one left on myself! When I did not know what he was; and I thought he was my father; I thought he was on my side; I thought he was running everything and owned everything and was a normal person; I thought he was taking care of me! In reality; it was my mothers money taking care of him; and as long as he was in control, I was being taken care of! As soon as he left; her money; all things stopped! She sold the house I was brought up in as a child; and left for the other side of the state!
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A psychopath does things to hide or hide the truth about what they are; they care nothing for human life! If this psychopath could have legally gotten rid of me; they would have! They could not because it would have made their occupational situation in question. Questions would have arisen to why their children were not with them! They would have had no answers! They were planning to find another man as a host! They had to keep up appearances; they did not want me; meaning the psychopath! Certainly the new man they are with did not want me; for they were told that I was a bad person!
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When a psychopath tries to ruin your name to people; they are trying to get rid of you or destroy you; theirs no games involved in it! I was being snuffed out! No games involved! My name is being ruined for the sake of destroying me that it keep the psychopaths name clear or reputation clear!
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The general public is immature and evil; for they will take the side of a psychopath before they take the side of an innocent boy! Welcome to the jungle! Welcome to modern life; somewhat worthless, evil! Decent people are destroyed in this place while evil manifests!
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I had no home; no one cared about this or what happened to me or if they ever saw me again; including any school systems or kids I met in school; I met nothing to them; any of them; I had no friends; baby a few people down to the south of me! but no one else! I did not know until it was 2 late! Unfortunately, I gave into appearances; and thought when young because people lived in a big house and lived down the street; they were good people; they were not good to me and I never knew it!
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I am still susceptible to be being taken advantage of; it happened last week! I was set up and fell into a trap! It was in a public place!
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Ive learned the hard way; do not go back around sociopaths; I can never win!
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One big big problem; I go back around abusers and feel comfortable around abusers! I feel comfortable because they are like the people I grew up with! Unfortunately. at some point I get hurt or taken advantage of! I have to learn; dont blame myself for this! Im unaware of who Im around!
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Ive said things to the wrong people that use things against me now! people that were never on my side; people who use people; people of no conscious! So; Im learning the hard way!
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Im attempting to change my thinking and find myself around better people!
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The PTSD causes negative thinking and I end up trying to relieve the negative PTSD by finding myself around the wrong people!