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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (871)
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- May 2019
Thinking about moving
   Thu May 23, 2019 9:49 pm
PTSD and breaking through?
   Thu May 23, 2019 7:29 pm
i have alot more to talk about
   Sat May 18, 2019 11:49 pm
I cant remember sex
   Sat May 18, 2019 4:32 am
Somewhere in time
   Fri May 17, 2019 6:01 am
Goals of being myself again
   Thu May 16, 2019 8:36 pm
In limbo land
   Wed May 15, 2019 3:32 am
Getting fat and other things
   Mon May 13, 2019 6:14 am
Childhood horror starting to surface
   Sat May 11, 2019 12:00 am
blessings; this is stating for me; to feel blessed
   Thu May 09, 2019 7:41 pm
resentments and negative thinking
   Thu May 09, 2019 5:43 pm
Im working on stories
   Wed May 08, 2019 8:32 pm
Dissociative people write blogs
   Tue May 07, 2019 6:18 pm
Coming back; no friends
   Mon May 06, 2019 3:50 am

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Trusting people again

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Sep 16, 2018 2:15 pm

Trusting people means decent people; not the people at some of the chemical based recovery meetings I go to; Ive written most of them off! The problem is; when sociopaths from the jails show up; some of them will start taking over the meetings; acting like their the head king pins of the meetings; this attracts others like them!
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Imagine you have 10 people with chemical addictions! 5 out of the 10 are criminals with criminal minds; in n out of DOC. Soon; if sociopaths take over the meetings acting as leaders; this could include a man/women team; they will attract more addicts like themselves; not all addicts are criminals! Many in this day n age are regular people with a problem! However, the bad crop from this bunch will take over and bring their friends along; and this will attract more sociopathic people; Soon, the recovery process is full of active minded criminals looking to become clean or sober or relieved from hurts habits and hang ups; still criminal minded with no conscious! Soon; the whole room is filled with this level of people! The good people are driven out; the evil remains! New people show up and buy into this! Soon; the good people of that crew leaving; leaving a full room of twisted warped people with no conscious. When I attempt to sit with these people; one is OK if they dont need anything from these people because they are not safe! However, no one I know goes into the recovery process not needing a social life! If Im in a group of people; Im going to attempt to try to get close to someone! In my case; I get hurt; they are a bunch of criminal; including the women!
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Women in meetings! ITs hard; a good looking women comes into the meetings; she looks normal, acts intelligent! I find out the hard way she is a predator like the rest of them! She plays me while taking interest in another guy at the same time and could care less! I go into shock and leave the meetings because their not safe! And their not; not while peopler attempting to get my affections simply for the sadistic pleasure of hurting someone! Who would want to spend their time in a place like that! Ive been hurt so many times; I cant describe it!
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Why would I go to the recovery process; I have no other life outside it!
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Im now seriously trying to Got the universe/God to help me heal and find other people to associate with! I have to heal up first; its happening!
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Ive found that I attract certain people and many I do not!
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I have to learn how to attract regular people!
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I want a girlfriend; for obvious reasons; companionship! I have to get over the past! move on! Its complicated now that I wont take anyone seriously unless they have an Asian background; I did a soulmate search and thats that!
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Trusting people again; this has to do with meeting new people and learning to have my guard up and feel safe!
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Having boundaries in tact! Thats what this means! Its very hard to face people and have boundaries; I have to much PTSD concerning what happened to me; my life being thrown away completely with no regard for it or for my future or for any other concepts! I was moved away and thrown away! nothing I could do put watch my precious life slowly destroyed in front of me until I was no more!
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Im now in a new life; and attempting to come out of the old one! and its happening; its a scary ride; I have no idea of my limits or limitation concerning my fears! I was unable to get close to anyone for a large part of my life! Now; Im attempting it again; its like going out into a pool full of sharks and alligators while someone tells me their tame and wont hurt anyone; Ill have to find out for myself! or learn to avoid them!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/clinical Depression
lighter forms of agoraphobia
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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