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OMNICELL
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Trouble with women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Mar 26, 2016 9:10 pm

Sex; I seem to be blocked! Im scared to have relationships with women because of sex! Im holding it back or sacred to myself and not giving it out to anyone! Seems to be associated with worthlessness; giving it out to anyone! However, it could be about owner ship of my body! My Grandfather raped me! I lived their for 2 years! And I was sexually harassed! This was the same guy that brought up my mother the sociopath! This kind is a sycophant!

It could be that I think he owns my body, and I did not get permission from him to have it used by anyone else! Something like this; I can feel the intimidation and fear! I can feel the sick fear!

Im blocked from dealing with women; I don't think Im good enough to step into those shoes yet! Im not good enough for a relationship! In fact; it feels like Im having the wrong relationship!

Im in denial! From my computer; from hiding in front of it; of course I want relationships from all the women I meet! Im not sure why Im denying it! Accept Im afraid of rejection! Im afraid I will be found to be immature! Thats a big part of it!

Sexual immaturity is part of the problem! Something happened to me in the middle of Dissociative disorder! My ability to have sex stopped! I can watch porn; but not be with a real women!

What would happen if I was with a real women! I would be laughed at sexually! I doubt it! I me more freaked if she found out I didn't have a car!

I would attract the wrong women? I would attract hot sexy women and not know what to do with them! I don't have the money or them! I couldn't take care of them! I don't want a future with them!

Im scared of something! Im scarred that I will have to be present!~ this is part of it! Im blocking myself from something!

Im definitely scared of sex! Im not scared of sex; Im scared of_____________not being good enough in general for the type of women I want! If I had her, I would think Im not good enough! And since I have no money; this will prove it! And she will turn and prove it to me!

Sex; Holding it back; Bashful; but I want to give it out all over the place!

Yet; when I say this; " I want to give it out, all over the place"! Something happens to me inside!

I feel like I need a starter women with the same problems! Someone I can warm up on! Like starting a motorcycle and revving that engine!

So; sexually Im being blocked! I know that I was having sex in college! But I don't remember any of it! And I don't remember the women I dated for three years! I guess I don't want to! She was a kind of sociopath! Or pathological; or extremely shallow! Not my type! In fact; Ive never been around my type!

The problem is; Who do I have sex with! It's a strange concept; but Im not having sex with anyone; only myself while I watch porn! Why?!

Why am I only having sex with myself?

Sex; This is a new area to talk to my therapist about it

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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