I am coming back to a place of general over riding trauma; as I was in 12 grade! However, I dont have the pain as before; but I do! I guess Im just getting used to the pain! or Ive gotten used to the pain!
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Im starting to remember who I am; and Im seeing some clearing in my personality!
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Im traumatized; they type that never goes away! It has kept me from occupations!
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I remember the time period I am to learn about occupations! However, those developmental time periods were all ruined as I was ruined! I am now attempting to ready to ask the universe for plans to help me uncover this trauma blockage! I certainly remember the horrors that caused me to go to sleep; over n over n over! As my life was being snuffed out like a candle!
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I am now attempting to face these problems from a different angle! I would like my life back! and Im working to get it back!
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I have an understanding!
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My goal is occupation; this means; the opening of occupation.
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God will have to do some work here if things are going to get better in this area; much trauma has amnesia'd me out of existence!
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The goal is to work through the trauma; possibly with exposure therapy and pull back my damaged identity from this mess! Its a humiliating venture to go back into the past and deal with this; its necessary if I want my stolen life brought to the present!
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occupation is the next area of development! What does it look life!
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In order to have success; one must have an idea; for example; I will use art! I like art; Im creative and I like working with art! So, I pick art, get starting drawing. I take the idea of success with art to the universe; and I ask for plans from the universe to help me develop success in art! The problem is the trauma blocks! I go numb and dissociate! and then I stop! The goal is to work through these dams of trauma that stop me! So; at least I have an idea and a goal and a desire; I want to break through the trauma blocked dams that are stoping me; stopping my success!
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I have other goals; Asian soulmate and a truck! and the money for such things!
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Henry Ford; the founder of Ford motor company;
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In the early part of the 1900 hundreds; Ford decided to produce a design for a new engine. The design was placed on paper, but the engineers agreed it was simply impossible to cast an eight- cylinder gas engine block in one piece.
“Produce it anyway"; said Ford!
“it’s impossible" said the engineers
“Go ahead,” Ford commanded, “and stay on the job instill you find the secret that will unlock the discovery of plans for this new engine.
Ford told them to succeed no matter how much time is required.”
The engineers went ahead. There was nothing else for them to do.
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“Go right ahead,” said Ford, “I want it, and I’ll have it.”
They went ahead, and then, as if by a stroke of magic, the secret was discovered; They had created the impossible; a V-8 engine! It took a few years of " nothingness" being in the dark until things changed and lights starts to come on; the consciousness of success.
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Im learning to be like Henry Ford; My goal is to pick a goal; and if it seems or appears now to be impossible; I have persistence toward it! I keep at it; " I want it" " and ill have it". This requires great faith and persistence! And thus; Im learning about great persistence and faith! And that might be the concerns of the journey!
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The point is; its my life and Im attempting to learn how to take it back; get it back; take it back over! get it back! I feel like a grade school kid on an assignment! The goal is independence! Learning to take my life back over and feel as if its my life again!