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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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tough but working through it!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Oct 31, 2013 9:59 pm

I was scared off today;
a guy from the local prisons intimidated me; he's just out, and at a meeting! scared me today! I felt terrified and weak to defend myself. I could not, nor was I in the mood for defending myself. I have to figure out a plan not to get bullied. he's a sociopath from the jails. so, nothing changes on his side of the fence. Possibly, I stay away! and keep staying away, and do not interact with him. Take no interest! Thats a start!

It does hurt! and its bound to happen once in a while; dealing with a bully. If your in the meetings Im in, thats not a rationalization, it could be, rather its a fact!
I have to keep from being bullied or intimidated. Im already scared and intimidated... I do not want this person in my personal life at this time! and I not very strong when it comes to this. I have dissociative disorder, this is an area of weakness for me!

I can see myself being bullied by the second grade teacher; its all coming back to me. I was pinned up against the wall! He bullied me the whole time, or intimidated me, scared me to death! I was very sensitive and frightened boy when young! Im not sure what scared me in the first place! my mother I suppose; dealing with her sociopathic ranting!

On the brighter side of things:

1. At the store this morning: I saw this women teller! I went out of my way to look back at her, stop and ask her how she was doing. She smiled and gave me that look; Im bored and not very happy, thanks for asking! I could not socially interact like this. It was impossible before!

2. A women came and stood next to me at the meeting at closing.. she did not have to stand by me! She made a comment to me about my back! I made a pickup line kinda cocky funny response back to her! Im not use to interacting with her! I feel like Im 12 years old. Im doing OK! It hurts, its hard!

3. Last night at the meeting I talked about another girl I had a 5 minute conversation with! I talked smoothly with this women for 5 minutes or more! It was successful; she jumped a bit when I left! I believe she thought I was going to pick her up and I didn't!
As I was talking, I could see several of the girls in the room smiling at me. I was looking at them, watching them! we had eye contact. I have not had eye contact with some of those girls for 4 months. Now Im getting better, and I am responding to them! Its a great start. I cant keep my hopes up! I do not know what they really thinking of me!

4. Im looking to get into beat making; MPC hip hop type stuff! ITs hard because I cannot interact with people places and things; not very long, I start panicking and shut down! Im slowly learning how to work with equipment without panicking.. Its so hard and freaks me out! So much PTSD problems in the way! the past with my mother is in the way; big time!

5. Not sure what Im going to buy next. I need new shoes and clothing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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