In my recovery process; As I began to come back from dissociative disorder and reorganize my brain identity; I am reassured that I will come back to life! I have been through several phases of my recovery! I believe Im on the third or 4th phase!
concerning the big picture; I am now on phase 3! Ill go with " phase 3"! Phase three includes, the glueing back of the conscious mind from dissociation! My mind is being glued together into a whole! Memories blocked by PSTSD are surfacing and remembered and re lived and expressed the lose felt and it feels so good; and released! and thus many added memories down this node tunnel are being released! This node tunnel stuffed with memories! they've been blocked! I believe the block was the intrusion by my mother; a psychopath, into my conscious mind and personal inner space! she ruptured my human space; no one does it better then a psychopath! They have no concept of human space! they run you over like a drunk tractor running over a cat in a corn field on a blurry Tuesday!
The point is; Im now uncovering and recovering! This area of repression is uncovering! the area of dissociation is uncovering; and with it, many extra memories of that time period I was hurt and before! Most of my memories of a hurt nature are from the ages of 9 to 14!~ However, age 7 sounds good! So, in my childhood; later childhood their is mass intrusion upon boundaries that put me to sleep! psychologically I passed out from the torture and abandonment and wounding! I was struck in the heart, the mind, the conscious and the head and nervous system! Because of this strike to the heart, I passed out and become someone else! a more ruthless personality!
Im slowly coming back to the present! Ive very lucky! However, Ive put in the work!
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Trouble with women; Im not well enough! I must become stronger and less dissociated! Im still scared of getting close to women; close to anyone! Just starting to be awake enough to be aware enough!
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Activities; Music, art, writing!
I have now posted on community art sites associated with music and art and writing! So; Im on my way!
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The goal is to work with source energy God; Jesus Christ Universal The Holy one! The goal is to focus on God; on the energy flowing up and through me like a vibration tower sending frequencies to God concerning my wants and needs on planet earth!
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next goal; I am the director! I am creating a movie of my life the way I always wanted it to be! Im writing it on paper! I star in this movie! in addition! I get to do what ever I want in my imagination! And soon it will become a reality!