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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/through_the_tunnel_b-4728_sid-e6c9f19c9cc2acc5278ed0b4dffed61f.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Mon Jun 03, 2013 4:03 pm ]
Blog Subject:  through the tunnel

The goal: if I see the girl from the meetings again! Can I freely walk over to her and talk to her about what happened months before when we were in love with eat other, and tell her how I feel. I cannot contact her at the present. I am unable to deal with that level of reality. The PTSD problems spit massive loads of negative memories cells down my throat, I am in freeze mode and cannot move. At some point I will be better then before and able to freely walk up to her and talk to her. When that day happens, its an indication of the improvement of my general mental health and its subsidiary conditions.

This girl does not want me or want to see me again! I am in denial. However, Im not completely in denial. I am aware of my circumstances. This girl freely walked away from me without an interest in the truth. She was not concerned that I might have legitimate reasons for pulling back from her. She gave me an allotted amount of time to make her my girlfriend. I did not pass the test in the allotted amount of time and she moved on. Sounds like I was an object, not a human being. I must remember the truth..

I am learning from my experiences; this does not mean I can pull people in: I am a self centered narcissist. The reality is: I was dumped after a certain time! never to be wanted again. I must remember these things. This is why I talk to God all day long. I need Gods help with this stuff to stay away and stay safe on his side of the world.

I am accepting that I cannot move ( emotionally, spiritually, physically) in the direction of interests that call me. Nothing new here! However, Im letting Go and letting God, until that day that I am freed up from the PTSD problems. I know my nervous system is saturation with Dissociative problems, However, Im learning that it is possible to have relationships and be active in activities of interest within the world realm.

Hard hard work in the recovery process. The recovery process is brutal hard work. Its never ending, and the results are delayed, sometimes to the point of creating insanity. Growing pains are a hard thing. Its grow up or die.

I am not responsible for the mental conditions, I am responsible for my participation in the recovery process.

I am getting better. One brutally earned inch at a time.

Many times in the recovery process, I feel like an American soldier in the WW2 Battle of the bulge.

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