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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2019
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Things are strange; things are getting better

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:22 am

Things are getting better! better and better! Its strange; Its my heart. ITs not perfect! Im in the infancy. Im not hanging on as my life opens up! Dissociate disorder is still here; still present; Im improving in all areas! Im interacting again with women and with people in general; Im more present and more responsive! Im nicer, polite; more appreciative to the person in front of me! In full dissociative disorder I was accused of being un civilized! People didnt understand my condition!
Im still lonely at times; but Im getting better! I need to get stronger and keep going; I'm beginning to be connected back to my childhood! I was rejecting it at first, for a long time; to much horror of what happened! it was like bringing horror on to myself! now, its a bit different! The child in me is present and his memories! They belong to him and me and God and no one else!
Im now aligning. Its strange; its like feeling like a child again; its like being me again; And I have the good memories of that time?
The goal is to keep going; identity is the biggest problem! I was 2 young when I was neglected and never developed! I watched television; thats what I based the future on; in reality, no future was being built! When I was thrown away young; I had no clue of anything; just massive pain and insecurity!
So, here I am now, alive! Im doing better! The goals Im working toward; the studying of successful thinking and positive thinking is what is bringing me back! positive thinking is based on God! God of the universe! the spirit of the cosmos; the source energy of the universe! Im slowly getting back the universe within me! Im becoming part of it as it is apart of me! and thus it was as a boy! and Im feeling it deep; and a calming effect has been coming over me!
The other day; I thought I was dying and going to heaven; I felt a calming inside me; at the deepest level; I did not seem to care about details of anything! I could feel it! I dont know how to explain it; like I was floating kind of! I dont know! It was different then that! it was a warm love! but it was incased inside me; but not! the casing was cased into side the universe and the universe surrounded me as I lay on the floor on the rug! It wasn't just physical! it was cosmic spirituality! I thought my time had come! I thought I was going to heaven; it was such a peaceful feeling all over my body!
And now I know things will just get better from here on in! However, Im in the early stages, and I have to keep at it! keep up the positive affirmations! Either way; I have found what I am looking for! God has brought it to me! Really has!
Can my memories be actualized! can I be actualized; yes! Will I have time in this life! I dont know; I would say yes! I have to keep feeling good about things; self love! keep working at it! the core of me is bright like a star with self love! The universe or God is in me, shining from the inner core of me; like a dark bright star in the middle of the milky way!
I still have fears! And Im new at feeling this way as an adult! So, I have much work to do!
I realized when young; that I thought the people around me were like the people on TV; so, I hung around those people I saw in real life! In reality, they were monsters! all of them! However, I had a few friends that were Ok; I knew some brothers that lived down to the sounth of me; they would turn out to be neutral friends! anyone else I really dont count!
I have allot of growth to do! and I must keep at it! keep up the work until the real me shows up! the happy me! the person that always wanted to be! I must not give up! Also, My wife; when ever I meet her! that God bring her to me when we are both ready! I must be readied! and God is preparing such things!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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